(Meanwhile: it is now 5 am on Saturday morning, 4-15-17. Since I wrote the following, 2-3 days ago, a few majore news stories have grabbed headlines. America dropped it's largest non-nuclear bomb, 11 tons, on a network of caves used by ISIS in Afghanistan, supposedly. We also sent a fleet of ships to North Korea where they are now celebrating their founder and Kim Jong Un's grandad's 105th birthday and the rhetoric has ramped up since they annually celbrate with a military parade and bomb tests and presumably the American force has been dispatched to dissuade them froma test but they said they would respond to military pressure with a pre-emptive military strike. Also Trump has said relations with Russia have "never been worse" which sounds ridiculous to me growing up in the Reagan years and I made the joke that he was fighting with Melania again. Why do I presume this joke has a magical meaning as well as possibly a literal connection to real events, say, assuming she is his Russian connection. But more I think my own personal life, even something as personal and individual as this self-indulgent blog, can have an impact on world events. I wrote the following after personal difficulties and I have resolved those in new, better ways. I hope those resolutions will be translated into new directions for world events than the courses towards war that we seem to be on.
Some other events that happened in the last few days included the social media uproar over United Airlines forcibly removing a passenger who refused to give up his seat to their employees. They injured the 72-year-old man and the internet spread the word virally with memes and everything, a marketing nightmare for the company but a physical nightmare for the passenger. They are compensating him but also compensating the other passengers on the flight for the trauma they endured around the incident. Yesterday the local news in Denver is that the police were paying $1,000,000 to the family of a girl they killed in 2015 when she was in a stolen car. I believe her name was Jessica Hernandez and she was latina and lesbian I think so there are also efforts to improve relations between police and these communities. I believe she was 15 years old and I wish improvements could extend to every demographic and grouping of people, kids included. Also it makes me think the other kids in the car should be compensated for witnessing their friend ger murdered. And I compare this to the media frenzy over the United passenger and how they compesated the other occupants of that vehicle for something that was traumatic but not as bad as being in the car with your friend getting shot.
And that makes me think about all the cases where even if the police who murder civilians are not punished there is some admission of guilt in the settlements they award to the families. But what if they also started compensating the other members of the community who are affected by police murder, profiling, and brutality? If the standard was to find ways to compensate everyone affected by misuse of law enforcement power then even if the cops were not personally held to account it could change the systematic problems by heavily incentivising departments to really get it right and avoid excessive force.
The following will be edited for content since some things have changed and I was very negative when I wrote it and I'm much more positive, now. I hope this translates to the negativity connecting with the increasing military tensions this week but the resolution relating to new discoveries and directions.
Another new discovery I just want to mention is apparently a moon of Saturn where it is always snowing due to a spout of water at the pole. This creates one of the most brilliant objects in our solar system since it is pure white and also may support life. They suspect microorganism and evn suggected larger species may live there but of course my idea is why not People? And they say even life on Mars could potentially be a "contamination" from Earth but this is too far away to be that - though I intuitively believe Timothy Leary's Gaia theory that Mushroom spores - and probably other things - can seed alien worlds with life. But I also believe in the scientists theory that life there would mean a "second genesis" in our solar system which would suggest life is abundant throughout the universe. I intuitively believe in millions of civilizations in the universe and impending connection with them so I'm excited to write my book about communication with ghosts, angels, aliens and fairies before it all "comes out." The following was written Tuesday or Wennesday)
Do the things I write here affect the world, magically? Yes. Do I take full responsibilty for everything? Maybe not but I can take more - "with great power comes great responsibilty" - Uncle Ben / Spider-Man.
When I wrote about Jane Eyre I mentioned another crush. I mentioned that my relationship was over after 19 years and I was finally accepting that. Then I had an internet outage and that part was lost and I did not rewrite it. Maybe I was afraid if would come true, I didn't really want to face it.
War is something I wish would stop coming true. I want to end it, forever, and I know magic is the way to do it and basically all that is holding us back is it will also be a great chance for people to learn belief so we're kind of waiting for folks to be ready, to pay attention. (Also I think Magic is Love and Art and Sex and Nature and some other things - even if magic is everything it is "more" these things in a way and will come out as we take these paths. Also there are things like "Poverty" that are the worst kinds of magic or most "anti-magical" aspects of the world so naturally as we become more magical these will have to go away. A radio program tonight about schools for black kids that are under increased pressure and scrutiny to perform mentioned that Martin Luther King Jr. said we are trying to "fix" poverty in the education system and other sytems but can't do it, can't make up for poverty in other ways because we actually need to fix it, itself, not try to fix it or pretend we can through other systems. And it's true that increased problems are associated with poverty but even if they weren't poverty should be bad enough in itself. This also reminds me of a report on a retired journalist who was assassinated in Mexico and how that is one of the three most dangerous countries for journalists. One of the commentators asked if there were "failed states" that were safer for journalists than what does this mean about "successful states", how can that be said of countries where the press is under such threats? This makes me step back and look at all the ways that America could be seen as a failed state, all the dimensions of life, if we only look at it through less flag-colored glasses.)
But I have been wanting to follow-up on the fairies of Jane Eyre with an edition for the fairies of Shirley. I had read about half of it when I wrote that edition. The fairies are not nearly as numerous in Shirley. I kind of knew they wouldn't be, that it is not as good a book as Jane Eyre - and I guess I've been holding myself back in many ways in case anyone wants to come along.
I quit smoking yesterday. Cigarettes. (I quit for those two days, then smoked again yesterday and today - so this was written on Wenesday, 4-12-17) I kind of want one but I have amazing weed instead, my favorite strain, Zeta Sage, a pure sativa. I will enjoy that now. There are events I would like to change in the world, courses I would like to choose or avoid - such as away from all war. I won't get into any of those details and just focus on fairies in Shirley. I want to meet new girls and fall in love, or even start again with my lover but I am probably closer than ever to really giving up on that, if you ever really can. And I don't have anything to say about that either other than I want to write about Shirley, that fairies, and magic in general. And I want to do this to get it out of the way, like a picture I want to draw for a girl I used to have a crush on, and then move on to Better Books and stories and art if I have to make them myself. (And make them for myself. I realized I rely on feeling like someone feels good about me but if I catch myself I can avoid feeling bad in the first place, even if I have some "reason" to feel bad, and if I start feeling bad I can shange course better, now, with this new idea - that I can live up to my fairy Nature.)
And I've just been anchored in place and it's time to shove off. The basic premise of Shirley -SPOILER ALERT - is the story is girls wondering who they will marry and the end of it is they get married. It's like "incomplete" = unmarried and then Complete = Married.
I completely reject this idea except I lived it out and stayed married for a long time like there was some kind of prize. (Now I read that back and hear how callous it sounds and of course that was not he only reason, or even a reason I thought much about at all, I have such better reasons to stay married, especially when I feel good about it - but I did feel some pride at staying together as long as we are.) I guess I consider that we are still married, in some ways - like legally. But I thought we were married years before we legally were, when I said something special to her under a Holly tree. I proposed under a Willow tree years later. But even though we have been legally married for 17 years almost it's like we have been broken up or separated for some times along the way and I feel like for over a year now - I'm pretty sure she broke up with me last February but when I mention it now she says she never broke up with me. If so I don't know why I've been so upset and felt so estranged the last 13 months. I have more questions about this but nothing I want to continue here. (Again, in hindsight I wrote this when i really was trying to convince myself that breaking up was what I had to do, even if it was a means to try to get her to want me back - but i really didn't want to do it and it made me sick and miserable to convince myself and I feel much better now that we are more closely "back together" but it's also nice to not feel pressure about it either way and just feel good whatever we call it.)
I just want to talk about the fairies in Shirley, how the story barely flirts with them compared with Jane Eyre - its not really nearly as good a book and this could be why. And maybe she was trying to not write a love story and got sucked in, which is cool - it is a good story in many ways but you can tell why Jane Eyre is more famous and it does have ten times the number of fairy or fairy-like references.
But every fairy is worth noting. And I knew it wasn't going to be as "magic" - she says it is "not a romance" at the beginning. I really want to read something that Is a romance. (I don't know why I forgot to say this: I had recently read Lorna Doone and in the prelude he says it IS a romance but it is a very action-adventure story. I had the notion that Emily (Charlotte, actually - sorry if I got that wrong before, too) Bronte had read it, too, and was even trying to write a story that did not really have romance in it - a story about politics and merchants and whatnot - but couldn't help herself as the story developed. I don't know and would have to reread how she explains it how this could not be called a romance. But the girls in the story don't even show up for a few hundred and a thousand pages, in my little-page DS format where the story is 5,800 pages.
The idea that Romance, and Fairies, "can't be helped" and will come out, if they are there in a story or place, is what I was going for, here - the idea of this world always reaching out to us and pulling us in if we respond to it. This is what I have been avoiding by "breaking away" from Gaga, last year, as I explain some, here:)
I wanted to have some sort of Sex Dream years ago in order to write an insightful gagablog about Sexxx Dreams and got completely off track then, focused mainly on politics and not Gaga, even boycotting Joanne because of Hillary - but I stopped watching Colbert after how he treated Bernie, and have since gone back to watching him some, the only other real "boycott" I had going - and I went back to facebook after they destroyed my laptop for my political posts, after a couple months absence - which hurt one of my monster friend's feelings, sorry about that Melissa Germanotta. I love you and never want to let you feel lonely.
I have to go to work in a few minutes and wont start this tonight but I hope I will clear it away tomorrow: I kind of want to smoke a cigarette. I will probably delete this stuff, or maybe put parenthesis around the stuff I would delete, when i reread it.
I hate feeling so lonely that I make a big deal out of someone being basically polite, This girl has a nice smile, she smiles at me. It doesn't mean she is attracted to me.
The girl I wrote about and I think what I wrote got deleted and I decided it was fate, well I had a crush on her for over 25 years. I only am in contact with her very occasionally on facebook - like once a year or maybe only once we actually were talking to each other at the same time. I think she is on another platform mostly - Weple? so maybe i will check that out. (we are back together in an open relationship so maybe I still will.)
(The Following is Now, 5:42 AM - remaining parenthesis are "live", traditional, not future edits as previous) When I let myself think about it there are even other girls from my past whom I have never forgotten or still think about, or think fondly of when they come up, but I never talk about them. And there are girls I've never met before whom I hope to meet. There is my own feminine aspect, my fairy nature, too, and my artistic side I've been denying. Its always beatiful girls who remind me of this "hidden side" and bring it out, my attraction for girls makes me want to create, like a dance, to impress them. I just need to know it is welcome. When I feel good in my relationship my lover is always inspiring to me but my own laziness and excuses away from art, even this writing I feel I must "process" every so often, end up causing me not to make art and being frustrated with that can lead to negativity towards our relationship, even subconsciously drawing it out and I end up feeling too much pressure and expressing negativity. I can remember what I realized a few years ago -and Use it: I always want to make art when I feel really good but if I make art even when I'm not feeling great, or even feeling bad, it makes me feel better to make it.
This is kind of the Cure-All solution: Art, Magic, Love. When You have a problem, make one or all of these.
While I have the notes handy, and to finish this cycle of a year or so where I have been more into books than music, and all these classics - I've just started Uncle Tom's Cabin and have too much to say. I want to buy Joanne tomorrow as a spell for reconciliation, love and peace. And I will go see Star Wars Rouge One for the first time after wanting to for months.
Also there were two little magical appearances in the last few days. The first was on my hoodie, a Broncos theme with a bright orange lining. I've worn it hundreds of times for about a year and then found a needle in the elbow, stuck in with a bit of orange thread matching the lining. No one has mended my hoodie since I got it. The logical explanation is that the needle was left there at the factory, that it was there all year and I just never felt it, it never snagged on my coat when I put that on over it as I did all winter. The magical explanation is that I was thinking if we still had a chance, my lover and I, despite my "resolution" to break up, and I felt that and it seemed like a fairy had placed it there as a clue that the smallest thing can appear (prick you - like the David Bowie / Brian Eno song "We Prick You") and lead to great magic and the symbolism of having a connection to the bright orange inner lining, the thread, seemed to be like look inside and this is who I really am, at heart.
The other thing was a clue my coworker found in his pocket, a scrap of paper with "Banach Tarsky Paradox" written on it. He did not recognize the handwriting, did not know how it got there and said the jacket was just washed. I dropped it outside my door when I got home but just went out and picked it up - I will look it up now and smoke a bowl. I had a little trouble understanding the terms on wikipedia but it makes me think it is a clue to One-ism, Onefinity math I have been describing, an instance of how Two Can Become One - at least in dimensions more than One or Two dimensions - which makes me suspect these One and Two dimensions are collapsed versions of "multi-dimensions" and will be more easily understood with these two-in-ones that comprise it and everything Lining Up to Flatten out.
The other news event was that the CIA head made a statement about declaring Wikileaks a foregin, hostile power - "all these differences between people are made up, they are the same no matter what they are called" someone just told Paul Newman on some movie I turned on where she wants to make out with him even though she is a Presbyterian and he is a Jew. Then later in the day the news was reported first that Wikileaks, then American hackers, had exposed that the NSA was spying on Swift, the intra-bank communication system.
This made me think that if you are against the Truth you will falter, eventually. Wikileaks is just like a whistleblower organization - the guilt lies with those they expose. The CIA director actually whined that most of their info was against the US - did he ever think maybe that was because of all the things we do wrong and all the effects of it? He suggested more autocratic countries "should be their targets" but did not seem to appreciate the irony, hypocrisy, of saying that in a statement about becoming more autocratic to crack down on whistleblowers!
Here are the notes about the fairies in Shirley - you can't avoid the magical, fairy world once you start to believe in it, even a little, because it is More Real and draws you in - the same can be said for Truth in this world of Empowered Lies. Even if they array all their worldly powers into trying to suppress the Truth they will only fall more massively.
As I write this it is now 5:28 AM on Easter Sunday, 4-16-17. The headline news story that happened since I last typed this was a continuation of the birthday celebration in North Korea - they fired a missile which our news reports exploded soon after launch. No one says why it exploded. With all the rhetoric the BBC mentioned that the media in the UK is alarmist but the reporters in Korea were saying no one seemed paniced or too worried, just business as usual. They are saying some governments see Trump as a "wild card" or something - I see the recent statement that he was giving the military "total authorization" to be proof of what i said earlier, that once he is in power it is the Military and other "Powers" who run the show.
I'm against war and violence so I applaud any bomb or missile going off before hurting anyone, if that was the case - they said it exploded "seconds" after launch but didn't say how many seconds. It makes me wonder a few things, such as why the thing exploded. Shoddy workmanship? They just can't get it right? I imagine they have plenty of expertise and everything they need to make it work right and were probably sabatoged. By America? It's quite likely given our history and one of the ways our government seems to like to do things - or by some other government with the same motivations.
But I also like to think it is aliens. But I won't get into that too much yet or why they wouldn't stop bombs and things even more often.
Now, before finding out what the Easter Bunny left on our baskets, I will finish this report on fairies, at least until I get tired. Maybe it will make me focus and do it quickly.
Oh, one more thing, the thing I meant to say. It is Easter. I don't know if that "means", to other people, or to "certain other people", that we should end or avoid war, or even avoid it just for today - or if certain people would decide that expectation would make it a good day for a sneak attack. I like to think it will be peaceful, that new peace will emerge even when it seems like war is rearing it's ugly head again.
If there is some way to choose between two worlds, or between two possible paths for the future, please let this be the choice for peace, for the harmonious and nonviolent path. let us be in that world, today, and tommorrow and forever. Let the world of war pass into history. But let us all live on in a new world of peace, instead - starting today if we have to.
here are the fairies:
Pg. 489: "It is happy that he can have his own bliss, his own society with his great friend and goddess, Nature, quite independent of those who find little pleasure in him..." It's nice it starts this way, with the Goddess, Nature. It took a few pages, and takes a few more to get going, a flurry of fairies - a light flurry - but this is a wonderful start.
Pg. 1016: All of Chapter Seven's beginning is about Youth and therefore fairyland -it makes it very explicit. It's strictly about the transition from youth to adulthood but the experience is of the Youth looking at idealized future status. And it is full of references like diving right into a fairy pool. Pg. 1017 "half-divine or semi-demon" pg.1018-1019 all sorts of aspects of nature are mentioned with magical connotations pg. 1020 "- at eighteen...Elf-land lies behind us..." and in this space between Elf-land and "the shores of reality" we are visited by Three Spirits: Hope, Love, and Experience. When seen from The Land of Reality these extensive descriptions are indulgent personification, but when seen from the fairy world she really gets into talking to Love and Experience, really describes their characters and makes the come to life more than a simpler characterization. The fairy world makes us more alive because everything is more alive.
After a computer update I will have to trust that my intention is expressed so far, for now, and I will finish this soon but sleep now and see what the bunny brought after dreaming.
I woke up, got my basket, went back to sleep and woke up again. The world is still here. It is 2
.
3:28 PM on Easter. I have eggs to hunt and will not be able to finish this before work tonight but trust I will be able to, soon. Nothing "worse" has happened that i can tell without turning on media, anyway - I guess before I go I want to mention that story about maybe British and American or Russian troops across the battlefield, at war with each other, who chose to stop fighting one Christmas Day and come together and celebrate -then went back to fighting the next day? I had the fear of one bad thing leading to more, to war, between America and Korea again, or that destroyed the world - that's always the big fear, right? But not big enough to end militarism?
its just a matter of perspective. I hoped that stating this wish, on Easter, would be enough to turn the course of events towards peace -I believe it will. So I will post more about the fairies tomorrow, and tomorrow, if I need to - and finish Sexxx Dreams and Artpop and end the boycott and buy Joanne and listen to it and Gaga even has a new song that comes out tonight, "The Cure" -
I saw so many Cure references on my facebook I thought it was a collaboration between The Cure and Gaga, two of my favorite artists. Now I'm making the comment that i hope it is the Cure for Spirit cooking, #savethecheerleadersavetheworld , because there is Good Magic, Fairy Magic and Art and Love when she gets out of the bad stuff.
Actually this will be enough for now and I will note the Fairies next time and publish this as is.
Peace and Love will be the Way.
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