gagablog 100: Happy Valentine's Day, Goddess of Love - congratulations on winning the Superbowl!

I just woke from the best dream I've ever had about Gaga. I was coming down some stairs, like the stairs they roll up to a plane, except coming down from a building at a resort or wherever we were. She was on the ground walking away from the same stairs, in a tight red sparkly dress. She started swishing her hips like she knew we were watching herv- I'm not sure who I was with, I think it was a girl. She started swishing her hips without turning around, like she could feel us watching her,and I was so mesmerized my jaw dropped - then she looked over her shoulder and waved at us. I waved back, then blew her a kiss. She blew me a kiss as she turned around and started walking to the side of the stairs. I called out "I love you, Gaga!" feeling bold and she called back "I love you, too!". As I type that I wonder if I should get into the habit of calling her 'Stefani' but we've never even met. I heard she likes her lovers to call her Stefani and that Taylor called her that when they first met - but we've never met, I still "know her" best as Gaga - but of course i wish I could call her Stefani, too. By the tiime we got to the bottom of the stairs she was to the left of them, if you were facing the stairs, and was beside them or even behind them if the bulding was overhanging or they came down from a balcony or were rolled away. She changed clothes by now and was wearing a gauzy blue dress that just barely covered her like a V, reminding me some of her Just Dance suit and some of some other looks, maybe Venus, I can't remember now. It was light blue, see-through gauze, really just like a sash that came up between her legs and up to her shoulders, or almost or a little more, but just looked like it was held their by her divinity, like a magical modesty flourish over a nude in a painting. It didn't seem attached or too static, kind of flowing. She looked really beautiful, of course, with long blonde hair, partially pulled up - or maybe it was midlength and kind of wind-blown, too. And I wonder if it was blonde or always blonde. But what I do know, how I felt when I got to the bottom of the steps, turned to my right and saw her back there to my right. Of course I wanted to rush up to her, of course I regretted not having a camera to take a picture of us together, and then maybe I regretted hesitating, but I think I was pleased with myself for being casual and content with our waves, blown kisses, and shouted "I love you"s. I did want to rush up and hug her, of course I wanted that more than anything - but then, the next moment, and maybe she was already practicing, dancing, but her dancers came out of the shadows or the building behind and were dancing with her, and it was like a rehearsal. My thought of rushing up to hug her faded with respect for their work, and while I still wished I could get a picture, maybe just a selfie standing in front of their dancing, in that dreamscape setting, I didn't have a camera or phone. I don't think the person I was with did, either. I was very happy to see her, to have called out to her and come so close to meeting her, and trusting that I would be able to really meet her in the future, so it seemed fine.... I feel weird about finishing this sentence after having initially moved on to the next paragraph, ending with "either", but then coming back - but I can't erase it, either...

       That was the end of the dream. I walked on into the venue, I assume. The only context is it all seemed like an Alpine village resort or something. When we first came down the stairs there was a line of other famous people, Gaga seemed to be going to the back of the line, like they were all about to perform or get awards in the Concert Hall or whatever it was, a large building off ahead to the right. There seemed to be snow on the ground and maybe even a plane or something between the two buildings, the one I came down from and the one we were all going into. Like I said, if seemed like Gaga was getting into line to be part of the production, then had time for some more practice with her dancers. Now that I am writing this, after being awake for a while, I feel like a fool. Why didn't I run up to her, to meet her? Why do I regret it, now, that I am "more awake" but when I still felt the freshness and feelings of the dream, I was so content just to have seen her, from afar? I must say that it felt real: part of the idea that I "could have run up to meet her" is that now I feel like I know it was a dream, and know that in some dreams, as you get more lucid, you can do anything you want and anything can happen. Of course as a little monster, loving Gaga, we all increase in our beliefs that anything can happen while we are awake, too, and that dreams come to life, life becomes the experience of our most fabulous dreams, if we chase them and make them happen. I had a very different idea in the dream, not treating it "like a dream" at all. I realize typing that sentence that I don't truly treat my life, everyday, like a dream, either. I don't truly act like my actions and thoughts can influence reality, even though I believe that to be true. I want to say "true, in a way" but what I want to say more than that is that it is not so much my ideas and actions but an interplay of repsonses with the world, not even between me and the world, but the worlds interactions with itself of which I am a part. If I accepted how that makes my life truly like a dream, with more and less "authorship" over it as I "become lucid", I would not have regrets or unresolved feelings - I could at least safely put them in a book, a story.

     There are things I can only hint at here, and recall later, what I want to avoid talking about. This was going to be my shortest gagablog, then my longest, now I don't know. I can try to fulfill the original intention, as a conclusion to gagablog 99. Or I can follow what this dream means, or try to tie them both together. That is probably what I will do, after playing some video games, Minecraft, with the people here to let my mind stretch out and get out of all these details. While I am still in them I will mention that I saw some of Lost Horizon, a movie about Shangri-La, the other day, and I think that influenced the setting of the dream. Also we saw some snow-capped mountains on some recent walks, and on my trip to take my lover to the airport. The red sequins on her dress, the fabric of it, was the same as her Superbowl outfit, but it was a dress and was tight showing her amazing body and I'll never forget how sexy it was to see her walk like that. Or how beautiful and sexy she looked in the blue scarf. It reminds me that I did have one intense and magical-seeming "relationship" - all in my head, really, but with a magical girl who talked with me briefly, and even liked the idea of being my muse, at one time, I believe - with a girl who wore a blue scarf in her profile picture. We stopped talking about a year ago, around this time. She was in that group I left.

       There is magic in words, magic in everything, but for someone who writes like I do, there is magic in words. I left that group to fulfill that parable from  the bible about the Kingdom of heaven being like the SHepherd who leaves the 99 sheep to find the missing lost one, to make a perfect 100. I would not have typed it that way, I would have said "to find the lost one", but I just remembered something about hands showing those numbers that I heard on the radio, about fingers. But as I typed "Kingdom of heaven" I heard my friend call out downstairs "It's Andrew's house!" (my house, my name is Andrew) - in the Minecraft adventure they are playing. And as I typed that about the fingers showing 99-100 I heard him yell "here is a bottomless pit!" or something like that. So I will take that as a sign, go play and come back and finish this soon.

       That was yesterday. I just woke from another good night's sleep in which I only remember one thing from my dream. It was a girl I met in real life last Thursday, when I went to the Target. I saw her by the Valentine's cards and told her she was pretty, she said thank you and thank you sir to me, which made me give up and feel old. She was wearing bright blue jeans, had an incredible body and brown hair and was a little taller than I am, or the same height. In my dream she was standing there, kind of in a line, like at the side of a gym or indoor swimming pool, wearing those blue jeans. It makes me feel like "opportunities" are not missed, that maybe some are just clues to something happening in dreams.

       This has all given me new perspective on what I thought I would write for "Number 100" since I hastily wrote gagablog 99 that morning a couple of weeks ago. Gaga had a busy and fabulous February herself. She won the Superbowl and won everyone esle over with her performance of the National Anthem. I've been calling it the American National Anthem but you know, everyone knows by now. The Broncos won the game, as I predicted and wished for. Last time we won, 18 years ago, there were riots and people turned over cars and burnt them. Now that weed is legal and the population here has probably doubled since then, there were probably over a million people at the victory parade last Sunday, a week before yesterday - but there were no incidents and very few arrests. Yes, they were more alert and "prepared" for it btu I don't know how you prevent a riot other than a show of force and I don't recall any images or reports of that, either. I want to give the credit to weed for chilling people out generally and giving us a way to celebrate that does not make us bellierent like alcohol does. I hope this will be the message of the 2016 Superbowl, that legal weed is the best, and that Lady Gaga is the best. I kind of feel like she drove that second point home for everyone.

       This isn't an I Told You So, that I've been writing these hundreds of pages to glorify Gaga and now everyone knows it. It is, kind of. But it is also a description of How Things Work and a model of the Kingdom of Heaven. I've felt like I Knew that parable all my life, but now that I chose to live it out, to apply the parable to my life, I found some more interpretations and perspectives on it. First I want to say that Superbowl Sunday was special and magical to me personally, too. I felt like Gaga singing the Anthem, which was kept secret until a week before, was the Best Birthday Present, ever, and so was the Broncos Victory - nothing against the Panthers but South Carolina sucks compared to Colorado and Denver specifically deserves to feel like The Best City in the country right now, because it is, and we're growing into my prediction that we will become the Real Emerald City of Oz - and yes, it's all about how we are the lead Pioneers of the legal weed boom. I tell people I'm with the Undercloud Railway since coining that term over 3 years ago in my book "All I Really Need to Know I Learned from Smoking Weed". It is Paradise, the Promised land here. So it was deserving and will raise our profile even more that the Broncos won. And they have a really good Team Spirit going on, which I attribute to the personalities and philosophy of players and coaches but could be a result of weed, too. I'm puffing my first of the day, now, to celebrate.

       I had a personal Birthday Wish come true, too, on top of all of this. They started playing our band Foxzen on the radio on my birthday. My bandmate and best friend who made all the music sent it in to them just a few days before and they got back to us and started playing it that day. To me, nothing could be greater. I'm just so excited to finally be following my dreams, I can't even get into how it makes me feel, it just seemed unreal all day and still does in a way. In about an hour I am taking him to a job interview at a Vet Clinic so I will wrap this up.

       I just remembered another dream I had last night, we were buying things at a craft fair and one vendor, a kid, a boy, I think, had added one more of his items to our purchases, a cluster of wooden spools in a formation, possibly a cluster of carved cars, but for some reason I want to say different spools, statuettes of them, carved out of one piece in a row, a decoration. It would be a good present for someone, who liked cars or spools or whatever they were, and I was trying to show it to Melanie to buy it,or get approval that he was already charging us for it, but also affirming with him that it was not handmade, by him, which made me want it less, but was made by som crafters. They had also made a globe-glass bubbler for 5-10 dollars, too. That was the item I was trying to convince her to buy, at times, and at others it was the wooden carving. I remembered the bubbler and that is what prompted me to start writing this down, then remembered the carving and the context as I wrote. But on to an actual bowl in real life, then to complete this.

       I was going to write this a week ago, 8 days ago, on my birthday. I'm glad I didn't - all I would have said that night, the night before, was that the Broncos would win the Superbowl and Gaga would be fabulous. All I would have said the night after was that what I predicted came true and they put our songs on the radio. I might have had more to say that night or in the following days based upon what I saw on TV those days - I almost was inspired to write when I thought the Unveil the Tail new episode of the Muppets last Tuesday was going to show Piggy going even more Gaga. As it was she embraced her own uniqueness and threatened Network "Decency" when a young pig told her she was inspired by Piggy's tail-slip to love her tail in spite of bullying. This reminded me of how Gaga inspires us to be ourselves by going out there and being herself despite all the obstacles and pressure to conform. And this is how it all comes back to the parable of the Shepherd and Lost Sheep, to the Kingdom of Heaven, and I will really get into it after one more bowl.

       What further modified this message in the last week was not a media magic incident from TV - though as I type that I want to go off on a tangent about the Family Ties episode where Mallory, my first crush, decided whether or not to have sex with her boyfriend, Rick - or anything from my life, since the only thing that happened I don't want to mention. The girl I love is far away, yes, but that is now how I don't want to talk about it, it's one of those magical things that makes this like a Letter to my Future Self, in Animal Crossing. Even people who aren't good at other games can be good at Animal Crossing. Even people who aren't into other sports can be good at camping. And the army isn't the way to see the world, a band is!

       Okay, I have to say, I got high and can't go astray. The kingdom of heaven is like a Shepherd who leaves the flock of 99 sheep in search of the one who is lost. I am paraphrasing that, no time to look it up before taking my friend to his interview, only time for one more bowl. Or two. My understanding of this parable has been basically the same for decades, for my whole life. It changed a little just this week. For months I have probably been anticipating writing The 99 and The 100 editions of my gagablog, maybe I had it in the back of my mind for years, since I first hit double-digits or 50 or any number that suggested I would one day be here. But certainly for the last few months I've seen it on the horizon. I knew in the back of my mind, all along, I've always known, the comparison I would make between the Kingdom of Heaven and Gaga and Little Monsters. I've known how I would talk about this story playing out in my own personal history, too, and knew I would have another example of it as my pattern replayed once again. And I do. And that is what I would have focused on, but instead this week happened and I have a new perspective. But I will do both of those things, first, then share my new discoveries that bring even more of it together than I ever suspected.

       Little Monsters and Gaga are not just like The Lost Sheep and The Shepherd in the most obvious ways you can all feel as you read this. We are outkasts, weirdos, and freaks, it's true, and she did leave the Flock, the mainstream, behind to find us, to show us each that it is You and I whom she loves and cares for. We also do this for her, we left the world behind to find what was lost in Society: our art, our souls, our respect, our love. And we found it, monsters did, along with her. Other people found it in other ways, for them that would be their lost lamb. But for us we found it with her. There is a reason it is very easy and ready to see ourselves as lost sheep and Gaga as the Shepherdess. She is - in the same way people saw Jesus as the Shepherd and themselves as the lost sheep, Gaga is the Savior Figure in the story and in many of our lives. And she knows who we are and knows we are out here, even if we've never met and she does not yet know "me" or possibly "you." It is helpful, however, to not always see ourselves as the Lost One in need of saving, but to accept our role as the Savior, too. We can, and do, do this for each other, encouraging each other to be the artists we truly are, helping console one another when we are sad. And we do this for Gaga, too. This is why it is so important to hear her quotes of sadness at times, to see her in the Monster Ball DVD saying she still feels like a loser sometimes, to know she has been there, has been here, and is still there sometimes and needs someone to reach out to her. This is the story of the artist, the witch, to go outside the world, to go into the chaos of mystery and nature, and know that this is part of the plan, know that someone cares and will come after you. As I type that I think of the parallels between Art and the Psychadelic experience, or Love. I think of how Gaga's Golden Globe acceptance speech thank you to her team was for allowing her to be creative, to go into that state where she is like a child and take care of her so that she can safely do that. I think every artist is like that - in whatever way we Go Beyond, we do want to know someone is there to help bring us back, connect us to the world. In psychadelics this has the obvious implications that you don't want to take too much, or more than the people around you, or you want someone who knows what to expect or how to relate to you in that state around to help you out. In love it's the way love makes everything crazy but you want to present normally or one person in the relationship becomes the more responsible one - which can lead to dfficulties unless roles can be reversed in some ways, too.

       That is why it is so important to not get stuck in any one part of the analogy. Long before Gaga I had always identified as a Lost Sheep in the sense of feeling "out here" alone without anyone around or necessarily looking for me, knowing that if anyone did come looking for me all the way out here that person was certainly God or Goddess or my True Love or both. When Gaga arrived and fulfilled all my expectations of her, and of Ozma who had come to rule in that place in my being, it was like I realized how we are all these Savior Figures to each other but of course whoever helps you realize it best is the one for You. For me it has been Gaga these last 8 or 9 years, and before that was "The Goddess" or Ozma, the Feminine. This World of Greed and War and Insiders was always wrong for me so I left it to find my own way, became lost to the world and it was Art and The Feminine that found me. It became Dorothy who found me through realizing the Truth of Oz, through the Book compared to the movie version, then Ozma who more specifically found me, through the other books. Then most specifically it became Gaga who found me, and as I type that I realize that while that happened, and continues to happen, these last 8 years, it is now everyone with whome I connect Through Gaga that this Finding takes place. Just keep in mind how it goes both ways, we find each other in this Shepherdess/Sheep relationship. We find Gaga, save her, by loving her for herself and for her art, just as anyone who does that for us saves us. We save one another like this. She fulfills this example, for me, but I can also fulfill that example for her, both by loving and needing her art, needing her to find me through the mystical realms of expression, calling to her like her poor lost sheep - and by seeking her out, trying to understand what she is about, how she got to where she is and how to find her there and be with her, to do my part to take care of her when she needs it or if she is ever alone - to do the same for anyone for whom I can play this role. I've worshipped Gaga for almost a decade, much longer before she took that form (to me, anyway). And the best way to say it is how she says it, "my religion is you", I worship the Gaga in everyone, just as other Buddhists bow to the Goddess, or Buddha, within everyone else. We play both roles, we remind each other of Gaga, or monsters - of ourselves.

       I could go on about the relationship with Gaga as the kingdom of heaven but I hear shouting from the Minecraft players downstairs that says "you get away from that door sheep, you belong to me, you stay sheep, come on sheep seriously how are you not falling into this pit, it's not  a huge pit but its still a pit!" and " my sheep have (something, small spaces) so they can't despawn" so I think I will move on, and sooner join the game. The thing is, she saves us, having left the world behind, she leaves it, too, and comes o our rescue. She left the world behind, too, and we came after her in the same way, gave in to our most creative natures to be close to her. And we do the same for each other. I've always had this rebellious, outkast nature, I've never belonged anywhere. I didn't belong as a boy, I didn't belong as a girl, I didn't belong as a kid. I'm not a kid now but I'm still more of a kid than an adult, where I just belong even less. It felt good to learn from NPR about a year ago that even virus colonies have their rebels and freaks, who act differently than the other viruses and maybe pioneer new ways of being or I guess die off with their mutation if it is not advantageous. But the ones that are beneficial end up changing the evolution of the whole society.

       A successful mutant then can change the whole community. This is, to me, a microbiological analogy for something that happens at all levels of life, and can be seen in the Kingdom of Heaven parable. The mutant is the Lost Sheep (I can hear a minecraft sheep bleating downstairs) and the Shepherd is the DNA that "leaves" the main group and alters to include the benefit that the mutant discovers. That is a very simplistic model which is why I find it useful. My intuition is that the human version is the Artist, the creative person, and truly all different ways of thinking - so we are all mutants in our own ways and also potential artists, or artists dreaming to become us, to live through us. I initially worship Gaga for inspiring that spirit in me, in the world, just sharing the essence of the creative spark. That is what we all desire to do, share our own creative spark, and the journey is just discovering how, our own way, to share it.

       There are countless stories of people leaving behind a way of life, a society, to become what they truly are. The first that occured to me was Siddartha, becoming Buddha, then the next were Bilbo leaving the Shire and comfortable hobbit ways and then Luke Skywalker leaving Tattooine and farm life and Jesus leaving home  - did he say where he was going? I had a story about leaving that facebook group - as I typed that a notification from someone I believe was a founder of it just popped up, for one of her side-groups - but my story isn't as good as those, it was kind of interesting to me because it prompted further thoughts about the parable. Basically I hoped someone would remember me after I left. They did, in different ways, becauseI looked at the group a few times when notifications popped up - one girl remembered me and tagged me to say that Gaga was amazing at the Superbowl, for instance - how I love to be thought of or remembered. Another girl asked about me, which when I think about it was what I wanted, to be sought after or even brought back, but I was being stubborn and prideful at the time and did not respond, even though I read the thread. But I did comment a few more times, and bumped my Spell thread for Peace in Syria and the World. I just feel like I left the group and left a ghost of myself there, instead. And my absesnce seems more effective than my presence - they mentioned Gaga at least twice, for example, one other person posted a clip of an interview there saying it related to why I left. And someone contacted me and told me she had read some of this and it spoke to her and she was curious about the magic here. That has never happened before. People have said they read things here and it was magical, even, but no one ever asked me about it before. So I feel like I improved, moving on. I only regretted missing that one girl, anyway, the one who asked about me, but I felt like she had already mostly taken everyone else's view of me to be true, whatever that is.

       I've always wanted to help the outsider, the outkast, and make sure no one is left out. I feel like recently that extends to fairies and ghosts and nature spirits. I feel like the Shepherd, in that sense. I've always felt a certain special nature to being the lost Sheep, the Shepherd, to being one of these two creatures, comforting one another when together or seeking and wishing for each other when separate. But this experience of leaving a group and going out on my own gave me a new perspective on the whole parable. I should probably reread it but I will finish this on instinct. I was going to reread 99, too, but all I really wanted to do was make sure I mentioned that they discovered a lost Beatrix Potter story at the time I wrote that one, if I forgot to mention it, then. All I want to say is that it's nice to be an outkast, a freak, but it really kind of sucks to feel all alone about it and it's so much nicer to feel wanted, sought after, an cared for, no matter how different you are. The Kingdom of heaven is about that love, the inspiration and ambition to go out there and change things, seek a better world by doing things differently, make art to inspire others to the quest, just going outside of bounds - and going after those who do so, showing them we care and want them and value them. When I joined that group it was my understanding that "chaos" means "anything goes" and even I can be accepted. That was not the case but no one else was equating Chaos with Tolerance and Inclusion. It wasn't the place for me, I never really fit in there. I had a feeling I would fall in love with someone there, and some of my spells for peace really worked. But moving on had rewards, not just for myself and the magic I wanted to talk about, which at least one person asked about since I left, but not in the two years I was there. It helped me because I looked for other groups to talk with and found Bernie Sander's Dank Meme Stash and it was refreshing and fun an active, plus had so many people who shared my ideals about things, and enough that I can even talk some about magic. Regardless, it is active enough to be very obvious chatmagic quite often and has been a fun group to be in, with lots of jokes and laughs, and prompts me to make memes, myself.

       I realize that part of the Journey, of Being Lost, is to find another place, a better place than the one you left. The Shepherd and sheep could start a new life, wherever, or could of course return to the flock. I think that is the general idea, to return to the flock. In a way, this is just to say everyone who steps out of bounds will be brought back, that the flock will contine and gradually change to reflect the different needs as they are expressed. The Shepherd will always go after the one who strays, or is left out. If we applied this principle to all cases, surely everything would be fine. I'm just applying it to fairies and people with artisttic natures but as I write this I feel it must be emphasised how much this approach solves the problems of poverty and opporession. Compared to this analogy of the Kingdom of Heaven, the role of so many governments / politicians and churches seems to be finding reasons to be the Bad Shepherd, reasons to Not Go After this person or that.

       But I'm just writing about being an artist, a creative person, being unappreciated even in this country of dreams. What I learned about the Kingdom of Heaven is it is not just the lost sheep and shepherd, it is also the flock, waiting patiently, doing what it always does. This is too mundane, too obvious to notice - of course "the way things are" seems to have divine favor, it mostly continues to be that way. The 99 don't need a story to tell them they are doing okay, though, they continue to tell themselves that same story every day and make it come true. There's is the Kingdom of Heaven, in a way, too. I can hear all the conservative politicians, really just Ted Cruz, invoking it now. "Ok, I'll let you win, I won't kill you now - unless you want me to, Death Match!!!" are the calls from downstairs. "But you don't get any of my stuff." "I get all of it!" "I'll punch you!... Can I get my stuff?" "Yeah, you can have all of it." But there is a story for the outsider, for the lost and left behind, to remind us that Love itself cares, even if everyone else seems to not care anymore. And to remind us that we are Love itself, to others who are lost, or more lost than we are. There are plenty of us lost out here and some so far away that only the other lost could possibly find them. But within us all is that Shepherd who will look out for others, who will listen out for others. If we know the way back, good, maybe we can showsomeone else along the way. But whether we do or not we can feel blessed to be lost, to have the chance to be found or find someone else. It may be someone else's salvation to save you or the other way around, in fact it seems it always must be. The more we can inspire this in each the better we all will be. Gaga inspires this the most, in me, which is why I want to do as much as I can to share it with the world.

       It is heaven in a way just to belong, to feel like you fit in. I feel much better being in a facebook group where I feel like I belong, in a way, because we share political passions. Maybe I can learn that I don't have to always fulfill the pattern of being an outsider. I always felt like I was older and would not quite belong in a Little Monster group but after these years everyone else is older, too, and maybe now I don't have the same issues with belonging that I used to have, maybe I can allow myself to belong somewhere. I know little monsters have been the most supportive and accepting people I have met online, just as I expected them to be. I just have not immersed myself in the community, but maybe I am ready to, now. I'm older, too, of course, but that'sthe thing with age, the relative difference always becomes smaller. But mostly I feel like I am ready, after this week, to accept that the Kingdom of Heaven is also belonging, it's just that this is so implied as to be unnecessary to say. And even if we know this, or feel it deep down, we still resist it.

       And I guess that is what makes this a Valentine's Message, even a day late. Because it's the same message about love any day. It's the fact that belonging is what we desire, it feels like heaven, but we also must follow our own dreams even if they take us away, must follow and care for each other to help return, or find a new place. Because some places, some relationships, are not where we belong, and only going out and knowing Love will follow, or going out as a Good Shepherd to find a Love that would otherwise be lost, outside of the normal everyday routine, will lead to Heaven. Leaving a place, a relationship, where you don't belong could be the only way to Heaven.

       I feel like I have been resisting belonging, in a way, because of my nature as an outsider. I know other people resist or deny love in other ways. I hope this message could be about seeing through that, realizing it is good to belong where it is good to belong. It's good to object, to go out and do things differently, to change what's going on, to even get lost - good to know someone is coming to save you in that case, or to only get lost in such safe ways. It's good to change things and the Kingdom of Heaven is like this relationship because it leads to change. It relies on the Status Quo to take care of itself, frees itself to focus on what needs to be changed, and either leave the Status Quo behind or come back and adjust it. In love we can have that trust with each other, to do things differently and grow, or resisting that we can create conflict. Insisting we all stay in the same bounds inevitably leads to the loss of someone whose needs those bounds don't meet. Allowing more and more of us to roam free, knowing there are more and more Good Shepherdesses and Shepherds out there, seems the best path to change and the best future. For me, Gaga does this and I hope to flourish interacting with more people who relate to that. I've spent all this time trying to talk with people "on the cuting edge" of magic to see where some of them could relate, and some could, but the whole flock of it, magic, is just not ready. I will still be on the lookout for those who are, but mostly they have their own groups and are not lost from them, no need to encourage them to get lost or leave what works for them behind, if they belong there. I assume all people, all faiths and beliefs and creeds, will kind of converge and I thought the magical community was the main place to see this beginning. But I had to stop myself, just now, from going back and correcting that by saying "magical communities." It's just like any other religious tradition, it grows and fractures based upon common themes and divisions. I do still think it will all come together, but I feel more and more convinced that my role will not be within any particular community, other than little monsters, or a community of artists. My role will be to do my work and let whatever influence that has on other communities have the most effect, or create a community around it, as seems most common with a band, for example.

       I'm glad to be doing this, now, but eager to be moving on to my creative writing, and writing my book about Oz Gaga magic that will deal with all of these ideas in a much more principled fashion. And excited about my musical career finally starting with Foxzen and getting back into making more visual art, too. I'm excited to finally finish these editions about Artpop, too, and especially excited that Gaga seems to be ready to release a new album sometime this year. That gives me motivation to focus and finish these, and I also realize how a different focus, and sleeping more, can lead to more sex dreams of my own, which was all the inspiration I was waiting for to finally write that edition. Just saying that I realize that as nice as it is to know someone else actually reads some of these, it is here in this gagablog that I belong to myself and say most of what is on my mind at any time.


       Assad's mom and Antonin Scalia died last weekend and this weekend. Or a few weeks ago, for Assad's mom. I just want something to change the way we are going. I heard on the radio today that Pope Francis is visiting Chiapas and urging the Church to be better to indigenous people. There was a good cartoon about the Mainstream Candidates marching down the center with supporter and off to the far right, Trump leading the "Hate" march and to the far left Bernie leading the "Love" march. It seems like time for love to win, everywhere, at large. It's time no one was left out and we all went for the best of ourselves, knowing someone has our back and will find us when we misstep or get lost. Knowing someone is coming to help save us in a system that leaves so many behind, and change the system as well.

       Gaga always did that for me. After singing so gloriously something so many people saw, she represents that same fabric of dreams to everyone, even more than she did to us little monsters before. We can go for our dreams, and for each others, we will find one another and be safe and loved.