gagablog 99: Self-Exile, The 99

I wrote a Gagablog 99 about a month ago - I had a media magic experience when I went to the Google Play store and found a bunch of free books by L. Frank Baum, including the final Oz book by him that I never read, along with a lot of non-Oz books and some books by Beatrix Potter. there was some special magic around the character of Tik-Tok, I will probably revise and include the entry later. The entry also included discussion of the idea of a sex strike and Spike Lee's Chi-raq movie which has been released since then. As I was typing it, carrying on far too long as usual, the news came in about the Christian Fundamentalist Terrorist who murdered people and terrorized the Planned Parenthood clinic in Colorado. One of my focuses was the fact that they were not calling him a terrorist. Since then, the shootings in San Bernadino were deemed terrorism and the terrorist takeover of the Wildlife refuge in Oregon by white people was not called terrorism and continues apparently with the government just waiting for them to leave. This is not the same response the government has to unarmed rioters or even peaceful protestors and it reveals the racism and bias in the system.

Also there was a media magic gem in the Simpsons, the last tribute to David Bowie while he was alive: Bart's substitute teacher had a cat with one blue eye and one green eye named Bowie - this was written and animated months ago, surely, but aired for the first time the day or day before Bowie died. He also died a few days before the opening of his musical titled "Lazarus" which led me to hope he would resurrect for that. And last weeks Simpsons and Bob's Burgers both had mystical messages for me, probably because I was in a heightened state due to tension in my love relationship.

Personally I have had many changes take place in this same time period, the most exciting being the release of our first album, Foxzen "Curious Illusions." The worst one has been a threat to my relationship with my lover and I think we weathered it. But the change I decided to discuss here is my choice to leave the Chaos Magic facebook group I was in. I don't want to get into details, I did enjoy talking to people in the group to stay awake while I worked and I enjoyed and learned from some of the conversation there and chances to express my own ideas and jokes. But it was always, before I got there, a bully culture and while I spent two years opposing this and trying to get the fundamentalist people there to consider some new ideas and challenge some of their bad ones, I did what I could do and have decided I am done with them. One reason I mention it here is because I mentioned it here before, being in the group - in a way I regret the time I spent there, but the only things I would have done better with my time are my own personal writings, or more reading or other socializing through social media at work. I might still pursue the last option, in other groups  -with Little Monsters - but my main focus is to use my free time at work for writing and art, as much as I can. All I regret, really, is mentioning it in these blogs - I wish I had not legitimized "chaos magic" as it currently exists in these pages. Because it is currently crap, way too influenced by certain writers who are misogynistic amongst other failings, setting up the foundation for a Patriarchal/ cliquish/ fundamentalist community. My understanding of chaos, and what I expect will become accepted consensus, is that it is the Opposite of Fundamentalism. The fundamentalism that ruins chaos magic, as it is now, all seems to come from certain writers misunderstanding Buddhism. By trying to make an exception for a certain understanding of "self" and insisting on having "Will" they fall into the same pitfall of identity that trips us all up - but it is worse when every other belief about "chaos" speaks against this inertia, this inertness. It was fun to debate with them since the same Fundamentalist Trolling is responsible for all the problems in the world, as currently exemplified by Troll-King Trump. I do felt like I gave them some alternative ideas, including to seek other methods besides trolling and bullying people on the internet - one reason I gravitated to  chaos magic is the "anything goes" ideal, but of course that means trolling is allowed, too, and you have to be good at dealing with it, but it also means, if you believe it, that you can entertain different and new ideas, but of course cliquishness and "Will for Power" censors and derides new ideas.

I did three major spells while I was there - more, but these stand out: One was on Valentine's Day, to cement the ceasefire in the Ukraine. It worked, with over 1,100 comments and dozens of people liking it, I think 78  -the ceasefire held and still holds today, though of course more progresss towards peace needs to be made. Most of the comments were mine, but I could get other people to comment on it. Then I did one for the Peace Talks in Korea to succeed, which they did within days and minimal activity on the thread. But as I was growing disenchanted with the group I decided to go for All the Marbles and do "A Spell for Peace in Syria, and based upon that, the world." Its a new offshoot of the spell I've been doing here for 4-5 years, since the war first started. It was near impossible to get people to contribute to it, even asking for any conversation or discussion or jokes or anything - that's my style of internet chatmagic, everything works to make it work. But even if 80 percent or more of the comments were my own it doesn't matter, or just shows how resistant to it they were despite my bringing it up so often and giving them plenty of opportunities. It's bad internet etiquette bumping my own thread, but I feel Zero guilt over that since the groups is Very Busy at times, most of what is posted is "whatever" and many of the people already blocked me, anyway, so I can't possibly be "bothering" them, plus I always am suspicious of people who treat the internet like valuable real estate without enough space for everyone. I wanted to stay around to see the Syrian peace spell succeed, but just got sick of the whole place. I would, of course, add things to the spell to help expand it to other concerns relating to peace around the world: I called for the end of the Civil War in Colombia, because there were news reports of progress, and recently heard they are in the final stages of ending 60 years of civil war. I called for the freedom of Jason Rezian after seeing a replay of Anthony Bourdain's "Parts Unknown" where he interviews him, before his arrest. And a week or two later he was freed after 2 years of imprisonment in Iran. I call for different things, ask others to call for things, and ask to debate the very ideals of peace and greed, arms-sales, that are at stake. But no one else contributed to the specific goals, besides one person saying "the only way to peace is through Assad." My conclusion is that people are scared of magic, scared of even being associated with magic that works, especially if it is too good to be true. I was tempted to post on there, bump the thread again with "gloating" that what I wished for there was coming true, even without their help, but decided not to bother.

I left the group, not officially just not going back - since they always have parties to celebrate anyone who "couldn't take it" and gloat over their flounce-posts - I made it fairly clear in the last weeks that I was only there for that spell, now, and would only stick around if anyone else was willing to support the goal of World Peace through Magic - if you can't get with that I really shouldn't even be talking with you. And they couldn't - maybe it was me, I ruffled quite a few feathers, but that will happen in a group that prides itself on, well, not "being open-minded" but claiming to be able to "use anything" for magic, when it turns out some things, like the very principles of Love and Inclusion, are too powerful and dangerous for them to even consider, much less use. I realized after leaving what it was that I was looking for in the first place by going there: girls to flirt with, of course, but I always knew that. I also always knew that I wanted a spiritual/magically focused community to discuss Gaga-magic with. I had an experience 7 years or so ago of being banned from a "pagan" forum over my Gaga beliefs. I was glad that the group was sufficiently "chaos" to allow me to be there, and some people did respond well to things I said and seemed to learn some from me, but the general response was to insult me and try and bully me into going away. I don't think I gave into the bullying because I stuck it out for two years and the bullies mostly left, so people would return to the group after an absence and say it "lost it's edge". I also feel responsible, by refusing to let some of them bully me into leaving, for the phenomenon that resulted in splinter-groups breaking away from the main group, which has some chaos-evolutionary potential - but also shows the fracturous nature of fundamentalist religion, even chaos. Unified chaos can still have endless variety, just by employing the ideal of inclusion and interconnectedness, which are some of the most basic principles of magic itself. But you can't tell anyone anything - I didn't expect them to "come together over me" when I felt like my influence split them up, but then again my influence is always to make people reconsider the authority of pride and that is what causes the schism in the first place, pride and not wanting to overcome it.

I was pleased that the group never banned me - there was concerted effort to talk bad about me to new people, and many, many people blocked me there, either because they could not troll me since I am untrollable or because they were tired of me challenging them on their bullshit. And I did not feel like I had to leave, but I am glad I did. Self-exile is different than exile. I don't expect any of the people I met in that group to contact me via facebook, directly, but if they did I would talk with them. For the rest I will let my reputation and memory serve my purposes - I always told them it was time to Ghost Dance. And I'm not saying chaos magic won't be cool or redeemable in the future, it just isn't, now. And I realized I wanted to make it better, take it to the next level, and it just isn't ready. I wanted to do that, there, instead of in Little Monsters groups because I am so focused on Gaga as Divine, but I know that amongst monsters there is so much else to talk about her and I did not want to be a "religious nut" there, even if they accept me. But I do, now, since I've started talking more with little monsters, promoting my album, and am reminded of what I always knew, thanks to the influence of Mother Monster we are the most supportive, magical, and artistic community there is. And I always knew this, and it is my own erroneous prejudices that say "they won't want to talk about divinity and magic, they will want to talk about art" - when the truth is everything is Divinity and Magic AND Art - I always say this, but I am always saying it to people who already consider themselves to be "magic" but don't do it - probably because of the pride of thinking they are already "there."  - Kind of like I consider myself an artist, writer and music star but still "don't do it" most of the time - but at least I know there is something I am supposed to be doing. I'm all about transformation, growth, evolution. As a radical type, it is my fate to leave the group and explore new territory.

And this is how evolution works, how growth works. Ideas grow just like communities and cultures grow. There is a way to understand Gaga and Gaga magic in chaos terms, but it also easily transcends that, especially the rudimentary and flawed-by-bad-Buddhism chaos magic as it currently exists as a culture. I was "in" that culture, never really accepted or respected, but present, and now I have left. If any of it comes after me, the whole community will grow. If not, maybe what does grow will end up replacing it. I always wanted my "Gaga is the Goddess" ideas tested and proven through conversations and discussions. I am proud that they quickly and universally came to associate me with Gaga, but no one ever, once, or maybe only a few times in 2 years, asked me about my beliefs. I truly think they were just scared, and I did not being them up too often to not come across as proselytizing. And there were some mystical people there I kind of hit it off with, and some of them "got me" in ways, even regarding Gaga, though we did not speak too explicitly about her. But I left the idea that Gaga is chaos magic. Not "chaos magic, too, like those other guys" but a Newer, Better understanding of Chaos Magic. One reason I even want to say "Chaos Magic" is my belief in chaos as encompassing everything. Since it didn't encompass everything since it excluded the most essential part of chaos, inclusion, it's not really chaos and what chaos magic will become should not be harshly judged by what it is now. And what it is now has all the ingredients of all the wrongs and dangers of religion, even as this one is developing before our eyes, and people beholden to the Old Paths of it and staunchly resisting change and improvement, putting them clearly in line with Republicans, etc. But these Model Versions of problems also make it easy to see what the nature of the problems really are and how if they crop up in this "chaos" culture the same ones crop up in every culture, especially that share the same kinds of flaws of patriarchy and rule of force and "power."

What I realized after I left is that I was seeking a place of belonging, a context to describe Gaga magic to be understood by an "established" magic tradition, chaos magic. The fact that chaos magic can't handle Gaga magic should be encouraging, not discouraging. It's a newer development of an older theme, picking up where chaos magic went wrong with a corrected understanding of Buddhism and selflessness. I can show how Gagaism relates to any and all other religions, but the best truth is that it is the esoteric core of goodness in all religions that makes them inspire action to help each other, the principle of "My Religion is You." I wanted to bring this message to Chaos Magic first because they seemed to deserve it or be ready for it based on the idea that chaos includes and accepts and works with everything - but that isn't the case, currently. They aren't ready and don't yet deserve it. The current form, like all other religions, is restricted by the tendency of the mind to want to be in control with Judgments. There are Judgements to be made, but we don't really, truly make them if they don't apply to ourselves. In a way I wanted to fight my own bullyish tendencies by presenting the Truth, but trying to avoid being too righteous about it, to a group of bullies. I do feel like I had an effect but to ultimately decide that it is, currently, a bully-based community is to recognize that I don't belong there. I still feel if they could have evolved so that I could belong there it would benefit everyone, but as it is I will just try again later, maybe after my book about Gaga magic comes out and its role as True Magic can be established and superiority to modern chaos magic revealed.

I will go into how Revolution and Escape are the agents of Growth and Change in the next edition, no=umber 100. (Thanks, typo fairies!) For now I will wrap this up. As I typed it there was a interview with the leader of Planned Parenthood after the news came out that they were exonerated of all suspicions and the people trying to say they were bad are the ones being charged with crimes. Palin came out to endorse Trump and the next day her son is arrested for abusing his girlfriend and threatening to kill himself - and her? - with his Standard Redneck Issue AK-47 or whatever unnecessary assault rifle he has for no good reason. She blames it on PTSD and Obama. I just heard someone endorsing Hillary Clinton based upon her support for a bill that tests psychoactive drugs on kids, unless I misheard her, and this is the heart of an unspoken evil it will be part of my life's mission to end. Bernie is challenging her on support for war, and of course while this is the divisive issue amongst Democrats and we don't know if we can trust her, the Republicans seem well on the way to completely destroying their party, another thing I predict more and more recently. Obama just banned all use of Solitary Confinement for Juvenile offenders. All of this, how you deal with whiny billionaires and how you deal with whiny terrorists, all circle around the same idea. For me, the theme is Self-Exile: if you find yourself in a bad group, get out! I wanted to reform the Chaos Magic group but I really want to reform ALL cliquishness and exclusionism and while I had a distilled representative of these in that group, it wasn't really magical, but trying to be or fake it despite constant self-imposed obstacles. I wish I could rally everyone with an appreciation for chaos and magic, which can naturally lead to liberal ideas, to at least denounce Trump and shame any ideas that contribute to his popularity. But they weren't ready for that, yet, because they still value bullying and these false forms of "Strength" that are obviously compensation for insecurity and Weakness. But you can't talk people out of some things, just show the way.

I also just heard a news report on the reaction of people in Mexico to Trump. One is making Trump piñatas and they are flying off the shelves. Emillio Estevan is making songs celebrating Mexican culture. But they said that the Mexican government is ignoring Trump and without the government to guide the people and inform them, the people are generally indifferent to Trump. They compared that to the UK where they recently discussed in Parliament whether to ban Trump from the country. The people who care in Mexico seemed to be saying Mexico should at least be doing that, or at least telling the people what is going on. Maybe the government is scared of him but the people are not. They said that the artists and musicians are the ones taking the cause and concern to the people and this is always the way. Artists, we are the ones who step out of society to make progress.

Progress always involves something new. Conservativism is always the enemy of progress. But we need new things to happen. To deny this is to only focus on certain people, at certain idealized times, and is the heart of bigotry and prejudice. We have a whole party dedicated to this devisiveness, the Republicans, and thankfully they are self-destructing under the pressure of their own evil forces, their anti-ideals. Progress, new developments, will continue to bring more of us together, in better ways. This is just the nature of time. The conservatives can try to hold back progress for their own greedy purposes, but it just becomes increasingly obvious that that is all that is going on. We need to step away from this system, and all oppressive systems, and make a new one, make new models that reform the old system. We can do it - it used to take weeks, and before that years and decades, to map a genome but I heard on the radio we labs can now do 100 a day. My lover and I were talking about scientific technology to measure psychic energy and it seems obvious that while certain tools could be sued to approximate those kinds of measurements and deduce things like that, today, studies using them would produce the psychic technology of the future. Just as weed is finally being studied thanks to Democrats electing Obama to make it possible and all good people voting for it, we are discovering how it helps for everything, including Alzheimers, is apparently the first useful medicine for Alzheimers, and is just now starting to be studied. Even without studies, the natural magic of weed is that it will help, and with improvements in government and changing laws people can just experience it for themselves, without a prescription. Anecdotal evidence is very clear how useful it is for PTSD - the fact that government, including our Democratic Governor in Colorado, is still hesitant to "allow it" for PTSD until "after further clinical trials" shows how entrenched they are, even the good guys, in the evil habit of resisting change and preserving the status quo. We are going to change all of these things at once, War, the War on Drugs, Drugging our Kids and Adults with Pharmacuetical experiments, sexual repression and fundamentalism that leads to child molestation, denial of climate change and corporate irresponsibility, and the poverty, bigotry, fear, and oppression that fuel all of these  - we are going to change them all at once, with magic and with progress in the world working together. Art will be where it all meets.

When Gaga accepted her Golden Globe for The Countess in AHS, she thanked her team and said when she is in a creative state she is like a baby and needs everyone to take care of her. I know as nice as that sounds I can't be envious since she earned that with relentless shows and artistry and dedication even when she was the only one who believed in her. But we all should have that kind of support to make us the best artists we can be, and that is the world we are forming for each other in Gaga's example.

Little Monsters are, have always been, the exiles and outkasts of the world and as such, at our best, are the Most Tolerant and Accepting, Inclusive people, too. We are the pioneers of culture, leaving bad cultures of every size to forge new ones that ultimately connect us all and come together. Its the irony of trying to fit in by making a boundary to encircle "our kind" when we only truly, fully "fit in", become mystically one with the world, by expanding and removing boundaries so we all feel like we are of the same kind. Human Culture, together, will be more diverse, powerful, and amazing than ever before, the more we come together through the celebration and promotion of our diversity. Art itself, the Fairy World, Oz, is like that, too: We are only kept out of it by our own negativity and pride. We keep ourselves out, hold ourselves back,  favoring something far less magical, though it is a lie and the magic is calling us forward. I will be over here, in the Fantasy Zone. Oz is waiting patiently for us all, but also calling to us eagerly with kindness. Thanks, hope to see you there soon! Gaga love to All!

PS - and in a way, of course, I am even stepping away from "who I have been", I will stop avoiding my destiny as a story-writer, rock star and artist. I will continue this gagablog even as I put most of my writing focus into stories - I need to at least finish talking about Artpop, I got stuck on Sexxx Dreams - but even my dreams are starting to make new developments. But everytime we step away to grow, it leads to evolution of the individual but also of the community. Even virus communities have radical members who go off and do strange things - this is the nature of life at every level. As artists we can fulfill this role and watch the whole culture change as if by magic, often just by stepping away and doing our own thing, or self-exile from oppressive systems, even and especially within our own minds.