I've been wanting to write about Perfect Illusion ever since I heard it but I have not heard it again since the day it premiered, since I last wrote this. I have plenty to say just about the chorus and what has happened in the days since then but I look forward to listening closer and going into further detail when I know more of the lyrics. The line "It wasn't love it was a perfect illusion" is the most important to me, now, for many reasons. Most immediately, it seems to be the conclusion of the Artpop era and the conclusion of her relationship with Taylor. A theme of Artpop was "it could be love" / "we could belong together." The chorus of Perfect Illusion says pretty directly that it was not love but instead a perfect illusion. I must say that while all heartbreak and break-ups are hurtful I am overjoyed that Gaga is finally moving past Taylor since seeing through the illusion allows her to find real love and more loves. And for a selfish reason I hope she loves me and for an art-selfish reason I hope her new loves inspire and support her even more in her art.
I've been extremely pleased with our music recently for our next Foxzen album. I just want to cheer myself in that way. I've also felt some heartache lately, in the last week, while at the same time eager to write this, my response to Gaga's new song. I'm happy we've felt in Love at times, too, but other times were heartbreak, for me. As much as I wanted to include things going on, I didn't really want to write this while I was feeling heartbroken, but it kept happening so I was resigned to doing it anyway. But I misplaced the power cord to my computer for a few days. Now I am glad we are back in love again, at least not heartbroken, and while i feel weird ever talking too much about specific personal stuff I did realize some things during times of conflict and argument between us. One was simply that feeling heartbroken felt like being "out of love", that's what feels so bad about it, but really it is part of love, maybe a dark side of it. It is because I am still in love that I feel heartbroken when it seems like she isn't in love with me. I have always hoped I was right, that we really were in love with each other despite the times it did not seem like it. But I have had to face it more this year than ever that maybe I was deluding myself because I want Love and want to believe in love so much. Now, after hearing Perfect Illusion I realise I could be delusional or i could be in love. "Perfect Illusion" certainly does not describe my relationship, but I can relate to it based upon my understanding of love, art, and magic as "everything" and anything "else" or less than that as being illusion. Maybe it is only because I am sympathetic to Gaga and wish I had the chance to be with her that Taylor had that I assume he misled her and took advantage of her desire for love and belief in love. That's what I am afraid of myself, anyway, that I am so in love with love that I want to delude myself when I really shouldn't, but I do believe our love keeps coming true in different and new ways. Just last night, 9/19, I saw an episode of Newhart in which he sums up love by saying "maybe love is change." George was sad that his old flame, Elanor, played by Rue McClanahan, had changed so much after 31 years of not seeing her and Dick said Love is loving through the changes so people can grow and since we will change, inevitably, then loving must be loving change, or even that Love IS change itself. This is one way to sum up chaos, and the magic of it, to me, as Love.
I'm going over my notes to talk about magic, love, art, media, and aliens. I feel like I have only been teasing about alien communication and I just need to really get into it. Just after writing one of my most recent editions about alien contact I watched a DVD of the Flintstones and wrote down this line from the Great Gazoo: "You can see me because you found me, the kids can see me because they understand me." This sums up my perspective on aliens (or fairies and art and magic):: scientists want to be the ones to discover aliens (as I type that, on TV in the background at 4 AM Mork is saying "if you want to see a real life alien being meet me..." - turning himself in for a $25,000 reward to give to Mindy) but the secret is to understand aliens and realize we're all here - "I'm the only alien here" Mork just said but Mindy showed up in a sexy brown alien costume with pointy bat ears and her dad is in a spacesuit too and now the journalist thinks they are all faking. I mean, we don't need to discover aliens, or magic, or even rely too much on "outer" space for artistic inspiration - though I love that and think that one works both ways, well, they all do, but e are especially trained to expect aliens from "outer" space. It will help oithers understand aliens better if more discoveries are made, sure, but the real, easy, nice way to go about it is by understanding what we are already part of, which will lead to better ways of making discoveries. We are aliens, of course - if you don't want to feel that is a shocking statement, look at it from the "other" aliens' perspective.
I wrote these notes just a day or two after hearing Perfect Illusion for the first, and last, time - maybe I will talk about some suspicions I have that Gaga upset Disney by ruining the ratings for Chicago Fire and other related shows when she broke up with Taylor and they want revenge by suppressing her new song but most likely Denver radio just sucks. I only ever got into the habit of listening to the pop stations to hear Gaga and now I just turn to them randomly at times to see if they play her but have recently lost almost all hope for them. I should place some requests. And maybe the popularity of Perfect Illusion will catch on here again in a month or more and they will play it regularly, then. The day I wrote these notes, maybe 9/12, I had a nice little blast of media magic: for some reason I was reminded of the Dead Milkmen song "Rocketship", one of my favorite songs of theirs, and sang some to my friend, the line about the girl on Planet X. That night I turned on the old-timey channels on TV and happened upon a Godzilla movie in which aliens take Godzilla and Rodan to their planet to fight the Zero Beast, I think. I'm sensitive to Godzilla movies, though I've only seen some of them, because my lover says I am Godzilla and she is Mothra, mystically. I'd never seen this one before. It was nice magic to think we could team up to fight a terrible beast on another planet but I didn't watch much, just the beginning. The main reason I noted it was that the planet was named Planet X. The aliens were hostile, after all, and one of the hero's had a girlfriend who it turns out is one of many "clones" or something of that girl -that all the girls on Planet X look just like her. The lyric in the Dead Milkmen song is "there's a girl on Planet X, I don't know her but that's alright she doesn't know me either." When the hero sees a girl on Planet X, of course he thinks she is "his girl" since they look identi\cal, but she does not recognize him - then he sees more of them and figures it out. It struck me that "he didn't know her" but ultimately that was alight because she didn't know him either. The song is from 1986, I think, and the movie was from the 50's. It made me think about how people are the "only one" when you are in love and how identity seems so important and significant but is also fluid as much as we want to treat it as solid. Mostly I feel there is a comment about love, about the idea of people being "the only one" or "not like anyone else" and the idea of being wrong about people or someone else being "the same", or different, about differences being internal or external and whether that makes any difference.
We have been having fires out back all summer, in our little fie pit, and were recently discussing the first human use of fire, just musing about it a few nights in a row. Then the next day, last Sunday, I woke up and turned on PBS, something I never do, really, just had a feeling I wanted to see what was on. It was a show about the origins of the oven, fridge, and washing machine and in the part about ovens it mentioned that when people started using fire to cook food the size of their brains doubled in a short period of time, allowing for much more complex thinking, presumably as a result of better nutrition from cooked food. This made me wonder: do we have nay technologies that can be compared to that, today? Things that make us so much healthier, physically or mentally - or COULD make us more healthy if potentials are realized - that we double our ability to think? In some ways the internet seems to be doing this already. Some people try to scare us with a specter of "too smart" AI but maybe some people are afraid of how people, everyone, especially young people, have the ability to get way too smart to put up with the same old bullshit anymore. While I kind of want some more integration of our experience to really expect to make as much benefit of the electronic world as we made of Fire, but i do see it as our fate to do so, if we live up to it. The cell phone camera and now police body cameras have the potential to completely change the police, for instance, making police work more than twice as good as it currently is by exposing and ending all the evil in it - if we use them to their potential and lean from the realities they reveal. My notes read "how much more can we develop?" and ""what would we understand better by these developments?" and I will return to this topic another time, perhaps. Basically I just think we can imagine what we could imagine, what could be possible, and by merely opening up our minds, loosening up, we allow new inspiration to be possible, just like feeling like a star helps make better music and art.
I titled this note card "bringing down the system - all is magic." Then I have "the conspiracy of anti-magic and 'only-magick'" - a condemnation of Science and religion working together to suppress magic, from "both sides" as it were - really from the same side, like the current Democrats and Republicans, but pretending their false debate are the 'two" options - and more on that another time, too, maybe. "Everything is magic / love - EXCEPT the illusion of pretending to be in love when you aren't. People can take advantage of people who love them, who are in love with them. When we are in love we overlook flaws, for better or worse, we idealize the other. I recently argued to consciously try to do that, to help forgive wrongs, and to know it as a choice, not just being lovestruck, but tying to have the same effect without blaming it on fate, making it a choice. If it works it could help people stay in love and not be bogged down by conflict, hopefully to learn how to avoid conflict in the first place from occuring and certainly can feel as good, or better, than when it happens unexpectedly, but maybe is less dangerous if you only decide to do it when you know you are just being overly defensive and you know the person well enough to trust them, deep down. .
Everything is magic, love, truth - except pretending to be and therefore standing in the way of it all becoming what it truly is. This was followed by football. I guess we were arguing and I was feeling disconnected from her and wanted to just watch football all day. I sometimes want to watch it because it feels festive and fun but usually I watch some football here and there and do other things, too, unless I'm excited about the game. I felt more excited about it, last Sunday, or more I felt kind of dull from feeling love-sad and it made football seem extra-exciting. It made me wonder if this is why so many men do enjoy football, o cars, or other such things, so much.; a feeling of giving up on more passionate desires and choosing to enjoy the "passion" of the game instead. Or like the pleasure of wearing big blue pants in the Simpsons commercial "when you've given up on being attractive to women." But they are also artforms in a way and can be enjoyed like that. It just made me think of the whole football craze as in some ways an indication of the lack of love in the culture.
But there was one reason I wrote about football and it was the protests of the Nath\ional Anthem and how that elates to Truth and Love overcoming illusions. The American Dream is true and Good as far as it is Love, equality, freedom and Justice, in Truth. But when it is these things "in name only", or wonderful things for some people at the expense of awful suffering for others, then the American Dream is one of these illusions standing in the way of true love, of true dreams. It can be either way, the American Dream, but it needs to be redeemed from the mere claim or lie that prevents what it claims to prize. it is the same with war: having more, better weapons is not ultimately the path to peace no matter how often they claim it is. In fact the more they claim this while war continues to exist longer and longer just proves more and more how untrue it is and we are seeing through that lie. In Syria Assad is not afraid to murder his own people just because we have an overwhelmingly powerful military in America, it's just not a deterrant, it hasn't stopped him either by threat or by force. Of course it could stop him and even all life on earth, by force, but the idea is supposedly to use the threat of force to deter evil. The problem is it doesn't work, it is counter-productive. Ultimately just keeping weapons around and keeping development in that field is making war continue past it's "usefulness" to humanity - some people obviously have a vested interest in creating and continuing it because it is their business and unfortunately there is enough money in it that these are the people, along with the oil companies, who actually run our government and control what is going on. This is the reason the People increasingly sensitive to what the world actually needs, so overwhelmingly support the revolution once embodied by Bernie Sanders. I heard an expert on the radio today, NPR 9-19, say there will never be the same kinds of wars as we had in the 20th century because economies are so inteconnected., It makes sense, but what makes even more sense is that we should not have any war any more, already, because of how obviously bad it is for everyone. From that perspective it seems like Syria is a "model" war, a little War Toy the bigger countries are playing with, causing all of his suffering and death just to justify the continuation of their outdated business, war. More to say about this later. Right now its about the protests of the cops war on the defenseless people of America and how that has to stop.
I'm extremely proud of Colin Kapernek for protesting the national anthem and helping further the discussion. I'm also proud of Brandon Marshall of our local Broncos. for taking a knee in this protest, too, and also for taking some vicious hits upon Cam Newton, drawing fines and more attention to his statement. I have kind of mixed feeling about that but at the same time it seems like it puts things in perspective, breaking their football rules, getting aggression out in a game and getting more attention and airtime, while the rules the cops are breaking are much worse with worse consequences. Believe me, I feel bad for Cam Newton but the point is that football rules have changed with new data on head injuries. Rules for cops have not changed enough even with a steady flow of data about abuse of their power and unpunished murder of civilians. There was just a settlement for millions over the unconvicted police murder of Sandra Bland. There was a news story about a cop in Tulsa who shot another black man this weekend while he had his hands up, claiming he was not complying with police. I was watching these games on September 11th and paying close attention, with respect, to the players who did not have their hands on their hearts. Then at the Kansas City Chiefs game I was pleased to see the team standing with locked arms and the announcer commented upon it. He did not mention the controversy specifically but said the team chose to do this to respect all their players' viewpoints but show a team spirit and that they had done outreach with the local police department - I guess we can all assume we know what the issue is about, as well as we do, in our varied perspectives. I understood why the announcer would not want to "go into it" but at the same time was glad that the visual statement they made led to a statement by him in the media. I was so proud of the Chiefs I watched their game with pleasure even though I usually don't cheer for them. I felt they deserved to in from the very beginning, from showing solidarity as a team and with the protest, too, but in a way that people could take it with less offense than a single player's statement. And I just knew they would win, despite the Chargers taking a commanding early lead. In the end, the Chiefs had their biggest comeback in team history. I wonder if that bit of magic increased any of the times the sports media mentioned their solidarity-protest, too, and how that showed not only team spirit and cohesiveness but some compassion and cohesion with the community, too.
As I am typing this the bewitched in the background just had Endora putting a spell on Darren and his secretary, making them flirt with each other, and at some point he says Samantha's favorite animal is a unicorn. My next note on my cad, from eight days ago, is about how one player said he was glad to move from Texas to NY because while in Texas he could be a "horse" in NY he could be a "unicorn." At the time I wanted to mention this because of the Gaga-connection, and what it says about thriving in culture, amidst art, but now, when Darren mentioned a unicorn on TV as I approached that note on the card, I know it's just pure magic, too, no illusions about it. Oh, I think Endora is making different characters tell the truth, ha ha, moment to moment. Sh wasn't "flirting" when she said the dress was three sizes two small and she wore it so he would notice her, just telling the truth,. "When you put career in front of woman a large part of the woman disappears" is what a husband just said, which made the dinner party tense and everyone assumes will result in conflict for his relationship. Samantha is yelling to the air (invisible Endora) that she has proven her point.
Soledad Obrien recently interviewed a player who is also prominent as a blogger, I forget who he is, he was supportive of Kapernek but not into the protest, the Obama line. She asked him if Kapernek would be seen, in the future, as a hero for standing u-p for justice, like Muhammud Ali, when Ali was seen as subversive at the time he took his stand - and his stand is still subversive to the staus quo yet somehow they manage to idolize him without taking his critique to heart and changing. I was very proud of her just for asking, for framing it like that, because I think she is right and I think we will look at him, almost universally, as a hero, in the future. We should see everyone fighting for justice and ending police brutality and impunity as a hero, including Soledad for asking the question and framing the conversation this way. She's beautiful, too - I always had a crush on her but justice of course makes me feel it even stronger.
There was some more media magic worth mentioning this week. On another "side"-channel on my antenna TV, one of the dozen or so channels that play all vintage shows, I was flipping past and saw OJ Simpson. He was a guest star, I believe, on an episode of "In the Heat of the Night." The next morning I heard some coverage on NPR about the Emmy's and an interview with the actor who won for his portrayal of Johnny Cochran from that trial. They discussed the time OJ had responded to a question about being black by saying "I'm not black, I'm OJ Simpson." The TV show focuses on how the defense made OJ "black" for strategic purposes, and they talked about this, but the actor touched upon the idea that by "succeeding" in America OJ had so distanced himself from being black and hat this whole idea meant about the racial divide in America and that success itself is perceived as the province of whiteness. It reminded me of Tiger Woods getting offended at the idea that he was black. I know I lose respect for people when they adopt racism in order to feel superior, which is what I see here. I imagine many black people lose respect for them, too, or respect them as black people in spite of their own words about it.
There are some sad truths about racist, murderous policing in America and we simply must face them and fix them by changing the way the police work. The first step is to get over blind support and act on the evidence of all the videos we have of their misconduct and lack of training or culture of callousness. There were discussions today on the radio about ho police are not trained and don't just instinctively do the naturally caring actions of getting help for their victims after they shoot or choke them. Many people die ho don't have to. There was a news report today as ell about the federal government issuing guidelines for emerging self-driving cars. One pundit predicted that 96% of accidents could be prevented by this technology and there ere astronomical estimates of how much savings this would provide the country, tens of billions of dollars. The idea was that the government could issue guidelines for this emerging industry to maximize the safety, having the companies share their safety programming and methods instead of competing with them as secrets for the benefit of everyone. Why can't they issue some better guidelines for police work? One statistic was that police shoot and kill three people per day but that the vast majority of these are armed people shooting at police. The more immediate injustice is the unarmed people they kill and better guidelines, like self-driving cars, should be able to cut don on 96% or more of these completely unjustified murders, if we hold the cops to the training with some actual consequences for their behavior, too.
The biggest news story of the weekend was the bombings in Ne York and New Jersey. Its been the main focus of the news ever since it happened Saturday night and there was an early report that I want to focus on. Probably one of the first things the media could find out about the suspect once they had his name was any legal trouble he as in. One of the NPR reporters talked about complaints his family had filed against the city and the police force for harassing them. Apparently the family restaurant was the target of police harassment and harassment from people in the community who came in yelling about how they should not be there since they were from Pakistan and yelling that all Muslims were terrorists. Now, of course I'm sure Muslim communities feel even a stronger sense of disappointment that this kid would "make the stereotypes seem true" by committing terrorism but I'm not trying to defend him, just to defend all of us, when I say that if you treat someone like something for long enough you greatly increase the chances they ill act like that. This is a lesson I am trying to reach understanding in our relationship because I feel like we don't often treat each other as our best selves but instead focus on negative things even to the point of being unappreciative of good qualities. I feel like I am a nice person, generally, and while I have had moments here I have gotten angry I don't feel like I am always or often angry. However, one thing that can anger me is being treated like I am always angry when it just isn't true. It becomes more true by making me angry to be treated that way, though. It reminds me of profiling in police work and racism in general keeping certain populations in disadvantaged situations. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy in many ways to treat a whole community like criminals. That is not to say that they engage in criminality because it is expected but even innocent people are caught up and made "guilty" and punished by a system that sets people up for it.
The news has been talking about different "angles" of debate regarding this bombing suspect, mostly focusing on ho it relates to the presidential immigration debate when it really doesn't relate at all. One angle they are not exploring further, that they maybe only mentioned because it was new information before they had anything else to talk about, is that this is also a police harassment story. The father said he was a terrorist, told the cops, after he stabbed his brother in 2012 and in recent years he has spent a lot of time in places in Afghanistan and Pakistan where the Taliban is very active. His dad says now that he is not a terrorist but there do seem to be more signs that he specifically trained to become a terrorist. My point, despite what can be done along the way to prevent violent acts like this and others, hat could be done to prevent someone having the motivation to become a terrorist in the first place?
Maybe if the police had not harassed his family business and terrorized them, with no consequences for doing so, for years?
Just a thought: if you don't want terrorists, stop terrorizing people.
My son just turned 17 last week, on the 17th. The night before we turned on the TV and they were showing "It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World." My lover mentioned that we had watched the same movie the night before he was born, 17 years ago, she remembered because she was starting to go into labor during it. I wanted to mention it just because of that magical coincidence but didn't know how it fit in but then last night I felt I had to mention it after a reminder from TV. It was about 3 AM the morning of the 20th, this morning, when Sabrina The teenage Witch came on. I must apologize and issue a correction for calling her Serena in the previous gagablog - sorry, Sabrina. The second episode was about her going to Spring Break with her friends and boyfriend and her aunts being worried she would get too wild and conjuring up a "Good Clean Fun" coordinator ho as played by Frankie Avalon. He is of course the craziest, wildest of the bunch in "Mad mad Mad Mad World" but I had to mention him showing back up, in this context, early this morning. The first episode was where her musician boyfriend told her she was his muse and she started feeling pressure to be interesting all the time and felt like she was failing at it. She asks the help of muses and they tell her to cater to his every whim. Her friend is jealous, wants to be someone's muse, too, and at one point is telling her how she will "out-muse" her and says she has a dress that will make her blow Sabrina away as a muse. Maybe this is just supposed to be her being superficial but I thought it was interesting the different ideas of what it is to be a muse: to be interesting oneself, to be beautiful, or to be dutiful. Very different ideas that can come together in some ways but it was just an interesting episode to ponder the relationship between love and inspiration. This episode, or the next one, also had the aunts on a day pass to heaven, to check it out, since one of them, the one played by Caroline Rhea, was afraid of death. She gets excited after she sees it, how chill it is, though Zelda decides it is too boring, not stimulating enough. The highlight she mentions afterwards is "dirty dancing with Fred Murtz", the landlord and friend on "I love Lucy." I knew I was "meant" to write about these when Frankie Avalon came on and now that I am doing it I want to say it simply. We, like Sabina, do not really need Authorities or police - we are responsible people. Then again we all make mistakes, too, and end up acting out of lesser selves at times, as well, not being our best. And of course currently far too many people are in oppressed circumstances and literally driven to crime in many ways. But the right kind of policing can help in all of these situations and help to change the oppressive system. In fact, the wrong kind of policing is a central part of keeping the system of injustice in place and we just need to remove that evil. The good example is the Good Clean Fun coordinator, or Officer Jenny in Pokemon, having a perpetually positive attitude and leading by example of good things to do. Now I resent the notion that sex is not also Good Fun, dirty or not, but I like, somewhat, the way the Sabrina show treated it. She said she could be trusted and got angry with her aunts for interfering with magic. But since everyone liked the Good Clean fun and she didn't get more intimate with her newish boyfriend it looked like there was an opening for her to hook up with her friend's boyfriend instead. Like the magical principle I mentioned, earlier, of treating someone or some people like they are real assholes or untrustworthy can bring out negative actions from them, like a self-fulfilling prophecy, trying too hard to prevent some natural, good "naughtiness" can result in the naughtiness coming out in a different way, like ending up with your friend's boyfriend.
I know I will really enjoy talking more about Perfect Illusions in detail but I feel like I will really enjoy Sexxx Dreams, line by line, really soon now, too, and I finally feel ready for it after over a year of preparation. I feel like I am getting more back into dreams and dream magic, too, and I'm really excited about that, just as I am about writing more fairy tales the more I feel in love. And having this new keyboard, full size, with a working "G" button for the first time in almost a year, at least, it seems. Hitchcock caught my ear when the old wealthy aunt (Agatha? Same name as the bug princess in Zelda?) was expecting "Hillary" to save her, who turned out to be a man, and in the end, I hope, it was her cats and niece who did the liberating. I didn't want to mention Dougie Howser, M.D. - I always resented and hated that show as a kid without ever seeing a minute of it, have seen some in reruns and hate-watch it with some pleasure and nostalgia, too, but mostly cringing. But last night, or early this morning, it was the return of his Mom's old flame, reuniting their band "Mother Earth and the Pagans" and I had to mention it, as a witch, and would just leave it at that but his final thought was epic: "Most men rush in and fight for the woman they love. My dad sat back and did nothing." then he had his thoughtful pause and finished with the poignant conclusion: "I really admire his courage." I was going to just type that and leave it at that, I won't relate it to my "life" but I will say that as I typed it I realized that could be said about me and how I seem to be trying to in the love of Mother Monster, now - sitting her doing nothing. It makes me think and want to art much harder. but now I will use it as an excuse to smoke a cigarette though I have been mostly quitting these last two months and haven't smoked all day until now, at 6:30 PM. It makes me want to "rush in and fight" for love, with a paintbrush and song, instead of just continuing this sitting back and doing nothing. And I also thought6 it was interesting that when Dougie is asking his dad why he is not threatened his dad says his mom is "beautiful, intelligent, and charming" and Dougie replies that the old flame is "handsome, rich, and vegetarian." I thought that was an interesting contrast based upon gender. But I also thought it was interesting that both Newhart and Dougie recently featured the return of old flames after 18 or 31 years.
Since I've already admitted that I watched Dougie Houser I felt it was easier to note the second episode, too. Dougie was studying a mummy and Vinnie believed it was cursed, first due to an earthquake then to a digital reconstruction of the mummy's face and it looked like him. I noticed that they would turn on the TV during this episode and an old black and white Mummy movie was on - it reminded me how often this happens in TV and movies, a TV on screen echoing the story. And it made me think of what I do, look for ways that the TV programs I see echo my life, like a mirror in mirror, picture-in-picture. His coworker has a sympathetic pregnancy then Dougie has a daydream in which the mummy gets up and talks with him, telling him not to judge Vinnie because we all make meaning of things in different ways. His final thought is that "Vinnie believed in a curse, Tommy (?) believed he was pregnant, and I believe in rationality." He paused and thought again then summed up with "Everyone has a few delusions." I felt like this fit nicely with my own "delusion", of love, or hopefully the delusions we all share of "not love" once we start to discover everything truly is love and magic, once we get though the illusions to the true reality of it. Some delusions, like my dream of being a star, can magically come true if you believe them enough, they are good for you. Sometimes being able to see your love positively can be a helpful delusion, if there aren't any real problems beyond our own criticism and ju\dgement of each other. But that delusion can be bad, whether someone treats us well or badly, if they are not being honest with us and have other motives, if they aren't "there for the right reason" in Bachelor terminology, for Love.
Everything is, truly, for love and all of our lesser goals show our fear of true growth and development. Lies, illusions, become the only barriers to reaching the true state of being, in peace and harmony. Gaga seeing through the perfect illusion, the lie that wasn't love with Taylor, is a sign of the whole world finding a truer, deeper kind of love. Some of the worst news this weekend was that the Syrian or Russian army bombed a medical relief convoy in Aleppo, Syria, killing 24 aid workers and suspending relief operations as well as breaking a ceasefire they finally had in place for little more than a week. The US has said it will have "strong words" o something with Russia but of course all sides are complicit in this travesty. They say that, if proven, it is certainly a war crimes but by my count it is another terrible addition to a long list of war crimes and we, America, have plenty of war crimes we are guilty of as well. we don't need to end war crimes, since we aren't doing that anyway, we need to end all of war. "Solutions" that fall short of that or don't work towards it at are all doomed to fail by lack of faith in the truth, a wold of peace.
I just tuned in to Scream Queens, I loved it last year, and was excited to see that they were going to play the premiere of Gaga's "Perfect Illusion" video. It was awesome and I will use the chance to mention some interesting things from the show. At first I almost turned away because I saw John Stamos and assumed it was "Grandfathered" and the menu was wrong then realized it was Scream Queens, got excited, and saw the ad for the video and got overjoyed. I tuned in late and saw Stamos, a doctor, talking about how he was 23 when he separated the Helmsworth brothers and the nurse said "they aren't even twins" and he said that is why it is so hard. 23 is an Eris number so it stood out but so did the idea of being separated, of being twins in a different way than physical. When the girl asks Munch why, if she is such a feminist, the "staff is just me and a bunch of dudes" (as i typed "staff" the newscaster just said "staff" on the TV). Her response: "feminism is so boring." I was eagerly awaiting the video but also enjoyed the Alicia Keyes Levi's ad, where she is speaking an empowering message and there are at least three really good close-ups of her amazing ass in the tight jeans. Chanel No. 1 says maybe they should try to reform their image by actually doing something good for once and they become "doctors." The video as awesome and I enjoyed how when the show returned the Chanels had undergone a transformation from their plain scrubs to adding boas and hats like Nurse Joy. This reminded me of mentioning Jenny, earlier, and of the idea of magical transformation with Gaga. And the scene was them giving a make-over to the patient. Of course "Perfect Illusion" has the transformation theme, too, of coming through a desert and seeing the illusion for hat it as.
The video was awesome and powerful. Gaga is super-sexy throughout it and just looks beautiful, but pained. Mostly I noticed how she never, barely ever, looks at the camera. It shows a lot of pain and disillusionment and is a perfect breakup song. My lover said it seemed, I forget what she said, unlike Gaga, not "Gaga" enough but I thought it was perfect and she did say it was a perfect break-up song. I felt like the desert imagery suggested a mirage, a false oasis, like Love, this relationship, was all an illusion. This reminds me of a the lyrics for our new Foxzen song, "Cave of Wonders", which we just wrote a few weeks ago. Some lines are "I wash mirages out from underneath your feet" and "your eyes are the oasis stares to paradise for me" - about true love in someone's eyes, the opposite of being only a mirage or illusion. The way the scene changed from the empty desert to the show, or party, with her singing into her microphone (almost?) all the time made me wonder what the message was for the back-and-forth. My lover just clarified that she thought it seemed more simple than Gaga's previous work but that she might have been going for a more "traditional" video, like rock videos of the classic era. I suspect it could be a decision to do this, for the style of the song, or to appeal to more mainstream audience that likes to see Gaga "less weird" but I also wonder if it was just a matter of time. I imagine Gaga would not continue a relationship after realizing it was "over" and suspect she broke up with Taylor when she found out and then wrote the song, and made the video, since then. All the costumes and sets must take a lot of time so it may be that this style as a result of doing the whole release in a short period of time compared to past songs. But specifically changing back and forth between desert and show, and set-up for the show in the desert, it seemed to have a few different interpretations possible. I assume that Gaga and Taylor had two kinds of life, their careers, where their work took them, and their time together. One interpretation could be that the concert, party scenes represent her time at work, as Gaga, and the deserts, where she is alone, represent the times with him. The line about being caught up in the confusion could relate to the whirlwind of her career, the party.scenes, and being able to miss the signs of her personal life being, actually, a desert, due to her busy lifestyle. Or the confusion of the party could also relate to their personal life, if their time was spent in so much celebration she failed to see the emptiness within it. I feel weird, speculating, because it does so obviously reflect her personal life. I can't help wondering what the meaning of all of i \t is, though, because Gaga's genius always suggests there is a lot of meaning to every detail. for instance, I feel like the way she never looked at the camera could mean something like her relationship, being caught in the illusion, kept her from connecting with the rest of the world and other people. I certainly hope we can all connect more with and through her and feel like she is free from the illusion, free to be the Goddess of Love she truly is. "The saying goes there is a diva in every cast, looks like we just found ours" the character on Mad TV just said, to his co-star who is reading a book. Another idea I had about the juxtaposition of the party and the desert is that the openness of a desert is what allows space for a party or symbolically that being left "barren" by one relationship is an opening for many more. I guess I just feel like she seemed to be going through the same struggle in the crowd that she was when she was alone, that she was still hurting or so caught up in it all that she was not really connecting like she means to and we all desire.
I was disappointed in myself for taking so long to write this, earlier today, but now I feel like it as meant to be since I got to see Scream Queen and the premiere of the Perfect Illusions video as I as finishing it. One reason I'm not done yet is I found an old notecard I think I left out of previous editions. I will just race through it, now - it was en episode of Rhoda replayed a few weeks ago. John Ritter, Jack Trippe from Three's Company, was a player dating Rhoda's sister, who is played by Judy Kavner, the voice of Marge and others on the Simpsons. I had to watch Jack, as Jerry, and how it all played out. Rhoda tells her, first, about a fantasy of a train going though a tunnel, of being naked on a beach, floating helplessly, and her sister Brenda cuts her off and offers a much tamer version, with a bathing suit, for herself. Jerry breaks their date and when she asks why he asks if she can handle the truth then tells her something better came up. She forgives him saying anyone can think of an excuse but telling the truth wasn't easy - that whole thing about being lovestruck and forgiving things you should not. Rhoda gets mad at her for not showing self-respect. I was surprised to hear the voice of Garfield as the doorman of their apartment. His name is Carlton, says Jerry blew it and offers this advice to "hold onto a man": Give him plenty to drink, tip him well, and keep his uniform clean. This reminds me how love is peculiar to each of us, in our own minds, anyway. Brenda asks Rhoda not to leave, just to stay and not be mad at her since she has been through something tough and she agrees to, then Brenda asks "do you think he will call?" and Rhoda gets mad. To me this shows ho anger can arise in any lack of love, including self-love. Rhoda tells her it is easy to gt a guy like that, just to play "these stupid games" and says if she wants respect she needs to use "stupid dishonest tricks." Her boyfriend, Joe, enters and says in modern times those tricks don't wok anymore. After he leaves, Rhoda says she knew when she saw him she would have to play it straight with him, he is that type, but that what he did not know was that "I was straight deciding to be straight - which is a game." Brenda says "tell me how to get Jerry and I'll do whatever you want". Rhoda tells her the secret to getting him is to realize she does not need him and that she is the prize and to feel like she passed that test, to approve of herself instead of seeking his approval. Brenda asks if she will help he if she promises to drop him if she gets him and Rhoda says those are the conditions. This reminds me of a magical "tick" about love, too, only anting what you don't have or after you've lost it, or only being able to find love when you don't feel like you "need" it. Or the feeling of neediness scaring people away from love. Then Brenda says okay but she has to get him before she throws him. Rhoda tells her these steps: get his number, break a date with him and make him feel less secure, less sure of himself. She gets Joe to go to he wok, where he woks, too, to flirt with her as well. I guess I just wanted to note all of these techniques, as described in a show from the 70's, and how these were the liberated women ideas current then. I also noticed a number of themes from Newhart and other 80's shows about how offensive it is to give flowers or candy to women to overcome conflict, as if their concerns were never serious. It's interesting to see how people develop regarding where they stand on these kinds of ideas. I'm not sure what show it as, maybe Newhart, in which someone says "I don't see what those merchant marines see in her anyway - maybe a Don Rickles line from Newhart. Michael said "someone got up on the wrong side of the futon" and I think I noted it because it reflected my on life that day. But the main reason I noted this episode was because of the interaction between Rickles and Dick. Rickles was playing Don Prince, an actor who was starting a late night show. Dick signs a contract to be on then he just makes fun of Dick the whole time, for 90 minutes. It is a success and Dick is contractualy obligated to appear every night so the whole show becomes abusing Dick, with a "Pick On Dick" section where the audience can win T-shirts, etc. Sorry if I already mentioned this, it was in my notes but I did not see it when I scanned my recent blog editions. After two weeks of this Dick finally snaps and says "You are bald and fat" and Prince gets upset - "I gave my whole life to show business and this is how I am repayed, you insult me?" - and storms off stage. Dick confronts him in his dressing room and he tells him what is really going on. He says he, Don Prince, also got swindled into the contract. He decided his only way out would be to provoke Dick into attacking him, claim abuse and void the contract, but Dick was spoiling the plan because he as "so damn nice" he never responded in kind.
This made me think of the essence of trolling, that in some way people are trying to void a spiritual contract they have entered, some alliance with a bullshit power. Hate and fear are a lack of love, manipulating that same lack of love in others. This is represented by Trump. Obama's speech to the U.N. today was publicized for including a presumed dig at Trump when he said that in today's world a nation surrounded by walls only isolates itself. I wish he could see how this same principle is true about ALL defenses, in the modern world, all excuses for war. It is time, past time, for us to lead the world by disarming, by truly moving away from war. As I pre\dicted and Obama said today, the situation in Syria proves war is not the solution, only diplomacy can solve the problem. I've been saying for years that Syria should be the last war, I was hoping we could be hopeful and find a way to end it, proactively, and use that as a model to end all wars, forever, but even if we have to be forced into these conclusions despite continued insistence on war we will, ultimately, come to the peaceful, completely war-free conclusion, because we must. It just becomes more and more obvious how much we need to end war, ho much we need to end all oppression, the longer we allow the powers that be to resist this necessary revolutionary change.
I'm glad for one more reason that it took me this long to write this. I just heard on the local news some more details about Brandon Marshall's protest of the national anthem and racist, oppressive police. The new story, tonight, is that he says when he as in Miami five cops charged him and took him don when he exited a club, handcuffed him and took him into the squad car for resisting arrest, saying they were going to charge him, and then got a radio call saying to return him, probably because they realized who he was. They let him go and told him he as free on condition he did not say anything about it. Now he is obviously speaking up and the media has checked with Miami and is reporting the police's story that "they have no record of any contact with him." But of course they wouldn't if they never made an official report. They said if his story as true it would violate protocol but I just believe him, not them, in this and feel like the burden of poof should always fall on cops when they have been literally getting away with murder and worse for so long and violating plenty of protocals, plus missing many new protocols they obviously need. I feel bad that we can't have the same sympathy, as a nation, for everyone who is the victim of harassment from police but the fact that a celebrity will draw more, and more kinds of, attention to the issue makes me so glad he is speaking out. It's another example of how the cops just can't get away with it forever and certain events will be turning points to finally getting justice and ending this terrible system.
There was another news story about a local church which protected an assistant pastor ho raped a 12-year old girl ho was a church member and student of the church :"home-school." This is the classic example of institutions that are supposed to protect people only being worried about protecting themselves. It reminds me of the cops, it reminds me of the Clintons. They asked Bill recently why so many people who supported him don't support Hillary. His response was most likely just calculated to divert attention from the other issues, but he could just be this out of touch. he said he thought it was because the media treated the email scandal like "the most important event since World War 2" - a phrasing which itself shows a maniacal level of being self-absorbed. I feel like the real reason is that people could see him as a reformer, a champion, as the young governor of a small, poor state and hoped he would bring the issues of disadvantaged people to enact national change. he didn't do enough and neither has Obama despite whatever gains they made but now he and his wife firmly stand in the way of change, only seeking slow, incremental changes, instead of the champions we hoped they would be. They've proven who they both are and many of his supporters from the old days would not support him, now, either.
Trump represents hate, the dark side of love. You could almost feel sorry for him if he wasn't trying to scare us and rally such racist and evil sentiment in the people, making them feel more justified in their own hate. You could feel sorry for him because you know all hatefulness is a lack of love and something the person can almost not help, like a pit of hell they have dug themselves into. I personally hope for some kind of Love to break through to these people, for them to see though the illusions and barriers of hate. I feel less sympathy for people who should know better because they claim to but are just lying, perpetuating an illusion. Hillary is like this, represent the pinnacle of this devious "achievement" of diverting the demand for change into more support for the status quo, simply by lying. Even Bernie Sanders was recently stumping for her after she worked out a plan with him to make public college tuition free. But he said that one sign of the importance of the election was how much money the Koch Brothers were pumping into it, presumably for Trump since they are assholes. But at the end of the Republikkan primary I heard the talking Koch brother himself say that Hillary represents all Republikkkan values more than Trump, by far, and that she was just lying to get the position then would do all the things that they, the evil folk, want. The Grand dragon of the KKK said the exact same thing about her that she is really their candidate, ideologically, she just has to lie to the public to get in power then ill switch and do everything they want. Recently Tim Caine, her running mate, criticized Trump for not repudiating the KKK and Hillary said half of his supporters belong in her "basket of deplorables" for being racist, sexist, and nationalistic, etc. The problem is that she never repudiated her on endorsement from a different KKK Grand Dragon, Trump actually did more to distance himself, eventually, well, if you interpret it that way, though of course he still openly embraces and encourages the KKK. I think people fail to realize how it has only been about a century since the KKK openly controlled much, most of the political positions in America, at least in certain areas. And the ones that weren't openly KKK could be certainly in league with the ones that are more open about it. I mentioned in one of these gagablogs how the original television and radio productions of Superman were designed to break the influence of the KKK on American culture since they were his constant enemies. But people had to be taught, in that generation and still today, that the KKK was bad and we owe Superman and those creators a lot for helping start to turn things around but I think few people realize how far we must go and that this is the specific enemy.
The reason I had to note the Newhart show with Rickles it that it summed up my notion about trolling - an underlying "contract" based on some sort of spiritual love deficiency that makes people thrive on cruelty and lies, trying to provoke someone into a more genuine response, to some passion,to break them out of that contract. It is like they lack love, don't believe in love, and that kind of attention from upsetting people, triggering and sensing people's love for whatever they care about that the troll is trolling them over, is the only form of "love", attention, they can "handle" for themselves. Or even they can't access their own love so they thrive on exposing other's "loves" or cares to ridicule because their callousness makes them feel powerful or at least "kind of" feel something when the truth is they are afraid of their own feelings and have squashed compassion within themselves.They manipulate a relationship, interaction, with others to get the passion out of them, usually as anger, which has become their substitute for love because it is passion they feel like they are in control of. This is what Trump is, an arch troll because he is probably uniquely starved for actual love and more perfectly exhibits this "fear-only" attitude, just trying to scare people. Clinton is no better, just tying to manipulate people and cheat he way in, also tying to scare people with insecurity. I think that is why I wanted to mention the Rhoda episode though I had misplaced the card and it was a few weeks ago.
Manipulation is not love, it is control, what people do because they are afraid of the power of love,which can make individual egos feel powerless. That is why people create illusions and lies to keep people in relationships when they don't actually love them. all the games between people in relationships are blockages to real love. All the false posturing for peace and negotiations between counties who are really allowing the awful genocide and suffering in Syria and beyond are also blockages to real love, to harmony we all deserve and are capable of. This is why it is so important to dispel these illusions, to get to the real truth of real love. And the truth is it is just far more incredible and unfathomable than we try to pretend. Thee is a reason it is so transformative that even the illusions of it change us, because our own ideals change us when we are in love. But it is even more so when it is real, and not only real but realized actively by both lovers, renewed as it renews and transforms us.
I mentioned the Dougie Howser shows because of what they said about belief and the process of letting people love, even different loves, on their own so they don't regret or resent their lovers for missed connections or potential.
I mentioned the Sabrina episodes because of the muse idea, the idea of relationships with artists and inspiration itself. It made me think of a few years ago when I heard a rumor that Taylor as trying to get Stefani to change, that he wanted her to be "less weird" or something. At the time this was my sign that he was wrong for her, my hope skyrocketing that I must be much better for her and should try to see if we could belong together, through making my art. I feel that way again now, for Love itself, and the Goddess of Love if she will have me, that it is my duty to become the artist I truly am. Even if you don't want to be to artists who are each other's muse, exactly, it does seem romantic to make the most of loving each other, being artists, and being inspired by each other's beauty, attention, and talents as well. It seems to be the perfect, magical combination if you can appreciate it and make the most of this dynamic possibility of artists in love.
Trying to sum this up I want to focus on the idea that cops should be like Officer jenny, generally positive, stern and commanding when needed but always in the service of the weak over those who use power to oppress them. And cops should be like the Good Clean Fun coordinator, presenting positive options enticing people to make the best decisions while giving people the most credit to be responsible. Legal weed is the perfect tool in this path, too. Really, some good dirty sexy fun, getting people out of all the hang-ups that keep us stressed, can solve many social problems, in my opinion, just as Dougie's mom said the sixties were a time of sexual liberation and I think all would agree that despite increased tensions in those times as well between different sides of the culture, the counter-culture of that era did a great deal to bring people together over deep social divides. The principle of cops being positive and presenting better options, not ruling by force and fear, applies to authority in relationships and between nations as well. We shouldn't scare people into being certain ways by threatening them, we should entice them by being more positive ourselves and always using power to protect the weak, never to protect abuse of power, the system we currently have and the way we go about world affairs as well, like a bully. I was disappointed in Obama today criticizing other countries concerns in a dismissive, juvenile manner at the U.N. Just because we are "on top" in many ways, well, actually that is more reason not to be pompous and demeaning about other's concerns but to be gracious and helpful instead. And of course the biggest issue, now, is the war in Syria and the two "superpowers", Russia and America, supposedly stepping in to help improve the situation but keeping things consistently bad to justify their war machine that runs on fear. Meanwhile they are presenting two candidates for president who are equally hawkish and dangerous and not really an option at all. The reason so many generals support Hillary is because she supports their business of war just as she supports the evil oil industry all over the world. All authorities should be like Ozma, ruling with Love. It can be done, removing fear from our lives, and it just requires a just system of just laws and equal respect for all beings.And we will be forced to realize this by the devastating consequences of refusing to unless we get creative and positive, turn things around to support the people, with Love, instead of the illusion with more lies and fear and violence.
I mentioned the Chiefs winning because it represented my idea that being on the right side of things gives you the magical power to win, even games, eventually. And this was s spectacular comeback so that was like a symbol of doing it against all odds. I've been waiting to write this for over a week now but I'm glad that even as I wrote it today, including more recent news about Brandon Marshall and his fines and protest, just tonight the news came out about his own trauma at the hands of Miami cops. It seems like the opening of a story that will end up being really big and actually, finally, prompting more significant changes towards justice.
This could be where I conclude this but I wanted to check my bookmarks from "The tenant of Wildfell hall." I finished it days ago and thought it was wonderful. I mu8ch preferred it to the works by the other Bronte sisters that I read and suspected she was a little ahead of her time or a little too - something -for the audience of the day. The review of the book confirmed that she was not was highly regarded but in time has come to be and her unique depth and insight is appreciated more. I just felt like I noticed it and felt a strong connection with her, as a writer, that I did not feel when reading her sisters' work but I want to read another one and see how I feel now.
Before I check the bookmarks I want to say that I started reading The Black Arrow while reading more of Black Elk Speaks at the same time. The Black Arrow is an awesome medieval adventure story and when I started it I said to myself "this story about war and action at least won't have so many parallels with my love life." But very quickly I realized how wrong I was and how much more I would have to discuss, and reveal about the book's "secrets", to really get into the connections. But it is a wonderful, beautiful book. One part that relates to all of this is Justice against evil authorities. The knights have been killing and oppressing the people and the people are finally rising up behind the avenger John Amend-All, among others. It's a fascinating book and of course has a witch reference which really stuck out to me. The main thing besides revenge is about identity but I don't want to give anything away, here, though I hardly feel I can avoid more details next time I write, it is so good, so consider this a spoiler alert for next time. There is a scene where the evil knight's character is being established and he arrests an old man on little or no suspicion, condemns him to die and when the man protests he just says "well, maybe you didn't do it but it might as well have been you and hanging you will still warn others and remind them to fear us" -something to that effect was his response. It reminded me of cops today. The sad thing is, in Olden Times this was an example of how corrupt the authorities could be, making you sympathize with the rebels whole-heartedly. But in modern times our cops act the same way but "the nation" largely forgives them or considers that they can do no wrong, puts them above the law and won't even consider scrutiny of them, always blaming the victim. This becomes ho our hole culture runs. It gives me wild ideas for sci-fi stories but it is no way to actually live. maybe if I write those stories I can steer us away from these paths by way of warning.
Of course Black elk Speaks is amazing and mystical, too. I just finished the Great Vision Chapter so I have a lot o go. But one thing I want to mention is the symbolism of arrows and the way some spirits travel like arrows, and also the revenge of these spirits on the tyrannical blue spirit, reminding me both of the Black Arrows of Justice in that old book and the boys in blue of modern times. The arrows are instruments of revenge, killing the guilty and bearing messages - their names or other words - to scare the remaining targets. And the Black Arrow is the symbol of the revolutionaries. In Black Elk speaks black is the color of the est, of changing storms and winds.
I do this little recap because I am afraid I got lost in exploring connections and tangents and missed emphasizing some of these points, earlier. The main point is this theme that the only true Authority is kindness, taking care of people, and positivity, hope, and building trust between people is the goal to achieving this. Discussion and people speaking up is the secret to everyone really realizing the problem. And maybe e need a new Superman character to do this, too, to fight evil at the level of Art, to steer the culture a new way.
When I turn to my first bookmark in "Wildfell Hall" I can't remember why I left it thee. she is describing the first time Hargrave really pitches woo at he and how she anted to get rid of him. Maybe at the time, being romantic, I questioned how she could be so had-set against him. Now I know she just didn't like him at all. Sometimes you ant that to be a mask because they really do, but when it's true, it's true. Maybe it was something about him approaching her within the enclosure of the garden wall. Well, I will try the other one then go to sleep and hopefully some mystical dreams.
The last bookmark is on a page here, without spoiling too much, I would say the phrase I wanted to noted as "be more likely to appreciate her worth and make her truly happy." I think this is the secret to so much, to why we need love and why we so often feel the world is lacking love o full of heartlessness. It is actually full of heartbreak, a well as love, of all kinds. Within everyone's sadness, or meanness, or insecurity, is a feeling that.we are not valued or have no value. It's sadly ionic because of course we are beyond all value, we are gloriously worthy of the universe, of Love. But we live in a world obsessed with assigning meager values, even to people, and putting us behind walls or in baskets. We are ready to break free of this whole world just as Gaga broke through the Perfect Illusion. I'm glad, hope, it was perfect and fun while it lasted but I am even happier it is now time to move forward even more together and more truly than ever before and to come together in new and fantastically imaginative ways.
Oh, the last thing I anted to mention was that there as a commercial for the new season of American Horror Story and they used Perfect Illusion for the music for it. It makes me hopeful that Gaga will star in it again but it also reminded me of a hope I had from last year that she would appear in Scream Queens, too, since the producer is the same, I believe. I suppose that is part of why she got the video premiere on the season premiere, tonight, but I hope it also betokens more collaboration. I'm ashamed I still have not seen Gaga in "Hotel" and I really want to but first am not really into non-funny horror and second had an issue, kind of like Dan and Blair from Gossip Girl, and my plans to see it fell though. I just need to get over all my silly barriers and get with it already, though. I forgot to mention that it was fun the theme in Scream Queens new season with a "wolf-girl" character and the Jacob from twilight as a doctor whose skin is so cold you suspect he's switched teams and could be a vampire, this time around. It reminds me to finish "Made Me A Monster", my best Gaga-tribute song, for Foxzen's second album, since it uses classic horror movie monster imagery.
I know my best calling, to personal love and to Love in the World, Justice - "love expressed publicly" as Dr. Cornell West says - is Art. Not this "sitting back doing nothing" kind of "courageous" blogging, but actual writing of focused books on magic and of inspired, channeled fairy tales, when I get into it. Writing these songs has really helped me rediscover the magic in myself. I hope that as Gaga finds more real love we will all benefit from it in her art, as well, and I can't deny it is a lovely, hopeful dream of mine that my art and hers will actually bring us together one day. But first I have to get past all this "nothing" and do it! Thanks for your patience and support, I love you! Oh, and I know i often end this these ways and if I do write stories between them maybe I don't mention it - I don't mean to diminish this form, I love it, but i do prefer when i am feeling in the Story world, I just know when there seems to be a lot to "deal with" then this is the best way to work through that. when I do it, just the writing does make me want to be in the fairy-tale or story-mode writing way, which just is magically superior, but I don't meant to be putting this down all the time just because I see the fairyland on the horizon, this is good, too, and fun. And it will be better when I get back to more closely focusing on Gaga, too - maybe I've been holding back because she was in a relationship, maybe it is just my same old excuse all over again, holding back because I want to resolve and improve my relationship, first, when really it is all an interconnected process and we improve best by growing in many directions at once and finding ways to thrive in new directions. I wish for true loves for Stefani and all of us, bringing us all more closely and fabulously together. If I can be grateful to illusions and fear, however perfect o terrible, it is for showing us here e truly need to go when we inevitably see though them. But mostly I am grateful to all of us, reaching out to each other to come together despite all the barriers and division placed in our way. Thanks again!
I wrote this starting early yesterday morning, about 4 AM, September 20th and finished it last night.As I was at the end of it my friend told me he saw some news that the Chinese space station had lost control and was crashing to Earth by next year. I don't know hat to make of this but wanted to mention it. Then this morning I had a dream that I was on a double-decker or larger sized bus, the beginning of an amusement park ride. We were all in chairs with wheels on them, on tracks, in rows. We slid back or forwards along the tracks then moved up to the higher row. Both sides of the bus had the same arrangement. The idea seemsd to be that at the top of the four rows, from the highest one, the bus would pull up to a track like a rollercoaster and each chair-car would roll onto it from the bus, then the next row would load up to go. I wondered why only one row went at a time, why the bus drove back and forth as much as it did, but decided it was pacing. Now that I think about it the ride kind of reminded me of the single-car rollercoaster Wild Chipmunk at Lakeside Amusement park. We have not been there all year but went to the other amusement park last weekend and a few times this summer, so maybe that influenced the dream, but I often dream of amusement parks and assume they are my more "important" dreams, that there is a message coming through that will get my attention more if it comes in an amusement park dream. Then I took my lover to work and when she got out of the car the music cut off due to the loose wire / fate. I didn't hear the news report at the top of the hour but as I turned back into my driveway it came back on in time for the jazz station to announce the next song, "In Love with Love."
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