Peace and Love over War and Hate: gagablog 169

This edition is inspired by an article I read the other day about Gaga's relationships.

Before I get into it, and I don't have much to say, this time, I wanted to mention Peace in Korea and Gaga's awards - she is apparently the first person in History to win all the awards, I don't know what they all were, but I think she won the Oscar, too, and just all the biggest awards this year for her song "Shallow" in the "A Star Is Born" movie. As someone who worships Gaga as The Goddess I could have been mentioning this all along, celebrating the world celebrating her, in their way, but I guess I was focused on other things - mostly world events and whatever was on Old School TV, Antenna TV and Me TV, which I watch a lot and while I'm writing, often. And I also have some opinions about the movie that make me not as focused on that song or present "incarnation" of Gaga. But I am really happy for her getting all the accolades and spotlights and news stories - I'll get back to this.

I think the awards season is over, now, and she "won it all" and made history, again. I'm so happy for her but I haven't given that enough attention. After seeing what seemed to me to be an abusive relationship in what's his name, Jackson Maine/Bradley Cooper's "A Star is Born" and seeing various examples of sexism since then that highlighted it I just don't feel "all about it" like I do most everything Gaga does. I still really want to see the original movie, with Judy Garland, to see how much is "the story" and what parts he "made his own" - but to me it was an abusive relationship, not a romantic one, that was being depicted and all the media talk about how "romantic" it is bothers me -but I might have to focus on all of that in another edition, I just wanted to focus on one aspect, here.

I was pleased that even though I was unable to complete my Shirley Fairies spell, here, last time, as I intended, before Trump's summit, to completely end the Korean War. Instead, Trump got "No Deal" and then the next day, after he came home, South Korea announced that they would be ending the military exercises with America, an annual event that always upset North Korea and threatened starting a war. It was one of their major demands in negotiations with America/South Korea and if Trump "got anything" for cancelling them he didn't brag about it, that I have heard, so I doubt he really had anything to do with it. As I said last time, as I have been saying all along, at least since the election of Moon, the people and now governments of Korea want to end the War between them - but they need America, and apparently China's, permission to end it. It seems to me that we, Trump, are the only hold-up - and yet we can't just keep a war that No One wants.

Once people see a path to Peace, a peaceful future, we will go for it. The insistence that we have to keep Wars will eventually be exposed for what it is - the murderous scam of the military industrial complex, in collusion with Governments and Oil Companies and all they influence. These evils of corruption and racism are being exposed in the political process and social media discourse despite Facebookkk being in league with the fascist system and trying to censor and divide us and much of the political parties doing the same thing. But we do have a chance, even in the flawed vehicle of the Democratic Party, to elect Tulsi/Bernie and we WILL do that, this time - we are too numerous and well-versed in their tricks to be foiled by them, this time.

We are too big to fail.

But this is a short edition about Gaga's awards and relationships, as much as I gleaned from that article, anyway. Because I know she doesn't want much, just certain parts, of her private life known to the public, I don't really think about it that much. I will admit to being envious of her lovers, every time, but not in the way that I wished I was them, but that I wished she was in love with me - I never had much respect for them because they never had enough respect for her, that I could see. But I didn't really have much details to go on until I read that article, which was just one page, but it reminded me of some things I heard on the radio and saw on TV the day before and after I read it so I wanted to mention it, here.

I wrote the gagablog a few editions ago about how sexism was alive and well - how Wally on Father Knows Best was ashamed to ride in a car driven by a girl, which seemed outrageous to realize was only 60 years ago, but in modern times it took 14 years to get a co-star for Glen Close as the lead in "Wife" because all the biggest stars turned it down - the most "modern" and "liberal" people essentially being afraid to be "driven by a girl."

I heard an echo of that in a radio story and then again in the Gaga article. The radio story I heard twice, before I read the article and afterwards, for emphasis. Earlier today i saw a Father Knows Best where they are watching a show, Father Does it Again, and he assumes his family is trying to rick, act, and manipulate him as the family on the show did. That stood out to me since I was going to write this, talking about how TV and radio are reflected in "real life", by themes or fairy magic, I call it. So the other day I heard this radio story, and again last night, about a girl who grew up in Queens and her mom dated a really rich guy who lived in the Hamptons so they spent their weekend there. For 22 years. The thing that stood out to me was this: Her mom and she lived their "normal/poor" lifestyle on weekdays but Silver Spooned it up on weekends - but she didn't take money from her rich boyfriend, she didn't allow him to support her. From the sound of it he could have supported many, many people, given hundreds an upper class lifestyle - but she stayed poor. Because her mom had a "principle"

The principle was "If you let someone give you money it means you have to take their advice." Now maybe I'm being judgemental but that sounded like bullshit, to me. Trying to give her credit I will say, for example, he could have just bought her a much nicer house in a "better" neighborhood - but since he could do that, if he did, he might be "pressuring" or influencing her on where she would live, and she didn't want that. Even writing it, it still sounds silly, like what a problem to have, someone buying you a house, giving you a lifestyle, just with the caveat that they might have input on your life.

But mostly I just called bullshit on that "principle" - because if she lived with him, weekends, she surely ended up taking his advice, to some degree, sometimes. That's pretty foundational to a relationship - to take the person's statements of concern for you with respect. You don't have to "follow" their advice or become obedient because you take their money - but it's respectful to consider advice even if no money is exchanged - it shows that you respect that the other person respects you. Maybe she never felt like they could mutually respect each other because he was rich, but I am just speculating here.

My point is that people react to stereotypes and standards in relationships in ways that are detrimental to them. I need to clarify, there are certain "standards" in relationships that are purely wrong, such as male domination, and they are so deeply entrenched in our culture that we need to reject them and root them out and be aware of how they poison and corrupt everything. One way to look at homophobia, in politics - trying to make laws to prohibit gay relationships when it doesn't effect you at all - is that these people are afraid of same-sex relationships because it confuses and confounds their belief in Male Domination - "who is 'the man' in that relationship?" they ask. And we live out problems with these deeply wrong "standards" in our own relationships, because they effect us all deeply, even if we are aware of the evil of it, it's hard to root out - and the culture, the system, keeps reasserting it.

But it is evil and unsustainable - but in this case, the lady not taking money from her rich boyfriend, what IS that? She doesn't want to be like... a wife?  A prostitute? A girlfriend? There are various ways to feel shame but we don't HAVE to feel them.

The institution of marriage is mostly reinforcement of these same "women are property of their husbands" evil system - but there ARE good things in marriage, despite this history and all the aspects of it. People still desire marriage, something in it, not THAT, to become property or to own someone - most people don't want that and no one REALLY does, just gets brainwashed into believing they do, sometimes. What people want, if they want to get married, really comes out - this was the theme of an episode of Alice I saw today where Vera realizes she and her fiance have nothing in common so they call of the engagement.

People want LOVE, and marriage, so much that they sometimes just go for it - the magic of love itself and their fantasies about the other person are enough to blind them to the incompatibility or lack of sufficient response from their lover, if that is the case. And GREAT LOVERS can be kept apart by the flotsom of all these "bad standards" in our ideas of Love, relationships, and marriage.

So the idea of "not taking money / advice from your lover" came up in the article about Gaga. I've always thought that girls I had a crush on, in my life, would one day hear about me as a famous musician or artist or writer and regret that they had not appreciated me - this is always how I felt Gaga's exes would feel about her. So I read that Nebraska, I guess, had given an interview in which he said something like "If you are dating someone who is travelling the world you either have to be rich or be willing to accept their money to go with them and I was neither."

That was just all I needed to hear to confirm all my worst suspicions: It's sexist, like Wally or Movie Stars being scared of being in a car/movie driven by a girl. It's completely unappreciative of Gaga, of her love for him, of his chance to be with her - it's just - I don't even want to think of words for it. But it's also sexist in that specific way about relationships that women are supposed to be the property of and subordinate to men. It's just at the foundation of all sexism and I think, you think like this and Gaga still liked you? You must have had other good things about you! But what if someone who had those good things about them, but also Thought much better, was smarter, more creative, more sensitive, more magical, more inspired -what if someone like THAT could be with Gaga? Wouldn't she, and the world, be better off? 

In the case of the mom with the rich boyfriend, it is "bucking" that tradition to refuse his money, and that is respectable in a way but also seems silly -why have that kind of pride instead of just "enjoying" more and maybe being able to help more people, too? In the case of Nebraska and Gaga its reinforcing those sexist ideas, you can't be a man and be with a more successful woman, it challenges your "manhood." Maybe it's not my business I just don't see how Gaga could be happy with THAT kind of man and it seems that is a theme with everyone she dates - from the little I know about it.

It has always been my instinct - when she was dating that Werewolf from Vampire Diaries, Chicago Fire guy, Bradley Manning or I'm sorry it's not coming to me, now - I was happy for her, for them, becuase she seemed happy - I just never thought there was a possible chance he could be "good" for her - Taylor Kinney! - because he just seemed kinda dense and not creative or passionate enough. The only info I got on their relationship from the article was something Gaga said about maybe having stronger feelings that he didn't really respond with the same strength of feeling? -which I think is what I suspected, all along. 

Because even if you aren't that.... artistic... of a person it seems like, in a relationship with Gaga, you would just Evolve, quickly, if you just had the heart and depth to do so.

Which brings us to Shallow. I only saw this connection a few minutes ago, I think I have been blocking out everything except Gaga from A Star is Born - but there were two more "media magic" events that happened today: I was at the store and saw a tabloid that Justin Beiber was suffering from suicidal thoughts and Haile was coming to his rescue. Then I came hoome and saw "Norm" from Cheers was a guest star on Alice. He was Monte and had a date with Alice but she broke up with him and he was going to kill himself until she talks him down from Mel's diner. He actually realized she had a 17-year old kid and changed his mind - basically he wasn't going to kill himself he was just trying to guilt her into marrying him. I just now remembered that this week I also heard a radio show about some song - but nevermind. I thought about this "echo" of men threatening suicide to get "their woman" to save them.

I thought, "what does that have to do with what I am saying about Gaga?" and didn't see the connection, until a few minutes ago. But I DID think it applied - it's all about the man trying to control the woman, to say that she will be "destroying" him if she does not obey him - and I'm not saying Beiber is doing this AT ALL - he is a real person who is likely going through real problems and I only hope the best for him and anyone who feels suicidal or depressed I only want help for everyone, to pull through and live to realize life can be good. But the way the magazine presented it, that his girlfriend or ex rushed to him, is based upon and reinforces this theme that the nature of a "relationship" is men dominating and controlling women. Because that WAS all the character, Monte, was doing. I just thought these were examples of some of the most drastic ways men can "insist" on controlling women in relationships, the fundamental wrongness of the idea since it can lead to this and other tragic and terrible outcomes.

But then I realized when I went out for a smoke break, while writing the part about the girl's mom's rich boyfriend/story by the rich guy's girlfriend's daughter - that's what Jackson Maine does. That's his kind of relationship with Ally: I'm better than you, keep groing MY WAY, don't overshadow ME, that will destroy me to have to put myself, my issues, aside to have to support YOU.

Again, I must have been repressing that whole movie except Ally singing. And I could write another edition - after I see the Judy Garland version, I hope - all about the movie, scene for scene - but I don't want to get into it, to remember it, now.

Because I LOVED seeing Gaga and hearing her sing on the Big Screen, I loved ALL her parts of the movie, but I hated the whole thing at the same time because it was, to me, like watching someone you love in an abusive, controlling relationship and not noticing it.

And it uspets me to hear Gaga playing into the "romnantic" idea of the movie - it's not just that I "wish Gaga would look at me like Gaga looks at Bradley Cooper" - it IS that, but "maybe" that is an act, to play up the publicity? Ok I wish she looked at me like that. But while I accept she is "talking it up" for publicity to talk about it as if it is all romantic, that she kept his shirt, etc, it also seems like she actually feels that way.

And that made me sad when I first heard it, before I read this article that mentioned her exes. I felt like she must have only had bad relationships to think this one seemed "good" - maybe it was better by comparison and that just makes you feel for her more. How can people treat such an amazing person so badly?

Everyone IS amazing in our own ways - how can any of us treat others badly? How can we allow a system that mistreats people to continue? I could go on.

But I want to just wrap this up so maybe it will be readable, for once. I want to say if we look for how badness has deeply corrupted us, is running the System we are all subject to, we can work against it by radically appreciating goodness in ourselves and others.

It DOES win if we want goodness and believe in it and seek it.

I feel very happy for Gaga winning her awards - they are so well deserved because she is so talented, passionate, honest and emotional in her singing and acting. Maybe, if she had found "better" love, she would not have the same "drive" to achieve so much -but I suspect she will, when she does, and be able to do even more, even better, with the power of love with her, comfortably. I'm not sad for her breaking off another engagement - it's not that "I have a chance" again as much as she has a chance to be with someone who is really good for her. I had exactly zero impression of her manager/boyfriend, except for that title, which led me to suspect the same pattern of men who want to "own her."

And that's not what love is. That's the opposite of love, pride, ownership, possessiveness, control. And yet it is mixed in with how we expereince love, because of how we are conditioned, how we are raised under an evil, sexist system. But Love wins, love is more powerful and will see us through these wrongs and the struggles they create.

I could go on about Love forever but instead I have to go to work and bring this to a close, for now. If I can try to sum it up, remembering Cohen seeking redemption by exposing how evil and corrupt Trump is, looking forward to Trump himself even doing the same - saying he knew in his heart he was doing wrong, got mixed up with the wrong people, Nazis - or not, but being exposed for what he is. I look to a future where ALL the evils are exposed, and disposed of, and we can live happily and well and meet the challenges we've created for ourselves.

 - If I can try to sum it up, Love Wins. The Future IS Love, Abundance, Happiness. The Present we are stuck in this wreckage of the past - we need to face it, address it, heal it and move forwards.

But the Future IS Love - the hateful ones will be exposed, held up as cautionary examples - and we will LEARN from them and be better, be different.

Bradley Cooper still isn't a good lover for Gaga, even the way she looks at him - that's Love but she is Love. She may have allowed him to convince her that he "drew it out of her" but Its All Her. He just got lucky, took advantage of his current fame. It hurts me to hear him say how "meta" it was that she encouraged his actual singing while he encouraged her acting, "like Jackson and Ally" - but I'm afraid the real "meta" aspect of the movie and their relationship is that it's the same abusive, exploitative structure and pattern - that she is "used to" and he is "better at" than her previous boyfriends.

But since I don't really want to talk about this, more, except to maybe analyze the movie in detail, I will say the media stories are also about his wife or girlfriend and how Mel B doesn't approve of Bradley and Gaga, etc. All I can say is Bradley is using Gaga for publicity, to make his girlfriend jealous, and possibly using her in a relationship the same way his character used Ally. And I want to call that out as bullshit and rude and unhealthy for Gaga, for anyone in this situation and I hope it can be a way to learn from it so people and relationships aren't like this anymore.

The power of love can make you look at someone like that even if they don't deserve it. But when two people look at each other like that, they both deserve it - and anyone CAN do this if they allow themselves. I'm the last person to argue for monogamy, as a standard, but I can appreciate belonging to someone exclusively. And I can certainly appreciate that this is the way most people in our culture understand relationships, exclusively. So Bradley IS being rude to his wife, because if they had "an understanding" we would know about it, such is the nature of fame and the media. And he's not doing out of "Love" for Gaga - all the Love is Her. He's just not any "better" than these other guys, not smart or talented or sensitive or caring enough to be Good for her - and he COULD be, anyone CAN be good for another, if they are willing to give in to the LOVE that the Stronger Lover is bringing.

Gaga needs a Lover who can Love as strongly as she does - and she hasn't met anyone like that, yet, or has somehow overlooked him, her, or them.

And it's none of my business except I wish it were, i wish WE could be in Love! But I'm talking about it, to respond to these "notices" in the media, radio, print, and TV reruns- and because it's a template for overcoming ALL badness:

We have LOVE in Us, magically, powerfully trying to come out. We Can meet with others who can Love us, Appreciate our Love, respond with LOVE - this can and WILL happen if we believe in the LOVE and not get caught up in The Person or details about the person that make them "the only one" or by contrast, "invalidate" them.

There is an Evil System we live under - one of it's main tricks is to get us to blame it's evil on individuals, on groups - on people. When even they, as evil as they may be (like Trump) are still victims of The Evil System. If we keep in mind that there IS an Evil System, over all of us, it allows us the Mercy to Forgive Others, to see them As Ourselves.

In the same way there is a Magical Love World, above, beneath, defying this Evil System - we just have to break through to it, believe in it, and see IT in ourselves and each other, instead of seeing the examples of the Evil System in each other.

it's just a magic "trick" - but it's real Magic. We Make Love By focusing on it, by believing in it - and by exposing and addressing Evil, but not "focusing" on it, believing in it, exposing it because it's roots are false and when exposed it goes away. But Love is True, even if we can make mistakes by only seeing restricted or restrictive versions of it.

Once we start imagining, expressing, and sharing the True Love that defies the Evil System we WILL win, and at every level, personal, magical, political, and artistic - in every form of work.