gagablog 116: Ties

I really love feeling in love, I love the feeling of it. You can get that from a Perfect Illusion, too, for a while. And I also love how that feeling inspires me to art - I love to be in love for Art's sake. The secret is to fall in love with Art, to stay in that inspiration of love. But of course we all want people around to help remind us, to connect with, to inspire us and to care for each other. You can feel fantastic inspiration from illusions, too. You can get the feelings and the creativity from Love, whetheer it is true or not. The ideal of True love is that someone will sty ith you through the changes and continue to be both comforting and chllenging, familiar and inspiring. If you just need to grow beyond who you can be with someone, or if they were tricking you, you eventually get to the point where it doesn't work. Work is art. You want it to work, you want to be in love, for the feelings and for the way it makes you appreciate your time with art, enjoying more, making more of it. I've been "off track" in this way, for some time, so "I'm one to talk." But if I was Doing, Loving more, better,
I would be showing by example, not just talkin. So I am one to talk. When I become an artist and do what I've been talking about maybe I will become one to talk about.

       I'm thankful to weed for inspiring me, for being my Lover in this sense all my life and inspiring this very blog. I feel the same way for Art, for Music, and for Gaga. I've always loved them and they've loved me and carried me through. How could I want any more than this, when showered with so much abundant riches? Well, first, regarding weed, you want everyone to share the same advantages, you want it legal everywhere. But personally I want someone to touch, I want affection. And I'm proud of this. I realize some tension in my life has arisen from the refusal to accept the lesson Gaga summed up as "fall in love with Art because art won't ake up in the morning and say it doesn't love you." (She may have said "career" but to me unless the work is creative it can't really compare with love, even love that ends.) I've believed that and known it to be true. But at the same time I wanted ot be the exception to the rule, to find Love before becoming the artist I know I'm meant to be, to find someone who wants to be ith me just for "me", not just for my Art - but the irony is this is probably the only time I really indulge in thinking of myself as a separate being, in order to request some affection "over here", while otherwise I like to think ofmyself as part of the whole fabric of existence, merging with the buddhafield, paradise. I know it is "hell" to stand out from hat, to try and "Be Me", aside from the me who is the true artist I am meant to be - it's no wonder "I" am all that is holding me back. "But I feel justified!" - I feel that is a funny voice inside of me I had to allow. There is a point I'm making here but it's hard to say because it goes against everything we are taught.

       I do believe that we have to accept ourselves, we have to love ourselves in order for anyone to love us. It starts with us, or as a fortune cookie once told me "Our first and last love is self-love." Also I have this idea of the cyclone of love that leads to Oz, based on the principle of loving othes as youself, actively, therefore loving others, more and more others, more and more, and in turn loving yourself more and more, until there is no going back. I do believe in that, and that it does start in each of us, the reason we think of the "heart" being the core. "The heart remains a child" is the Everything But The Girl song I have on since I can't find the uncensored Artpop disc right now and I have another hour to type and find it, but wanted to start instead of looking for it more. "Why don't you love me?" she's wrapping it up, now. And I don't know who Gaga supports in the election but I gave up that spell to get her to support Bernie when she broke up with Taylor, hoping that was all that was "censoring" her,  and I'm only lisetening to the uncensored Artpop now, unless I still can't find it in a few minutes.

      I do believe we have to love ourselves but I also reject this whole society that leads us to believe it is hard to find love. I do believe we love each other, naturally, but end up restricting ourselves to fit this mean society. I reject that society and take the path of loving others as a spiritual path, not just for myself but as a way to transform the world. It helps to have people love you. I relate to Gaga saying she is like a baby in her crative state and appreciates the team of people she has to help make that possible. But of course she had to be a baby on her own at some point. And even in early stages we all have help. I've alays been a musician but I'm eternally grateful to my best friend for making the music that I sing with for our band Foxzen because it literally makes my dreams come true.

       It takes us accepting and loving ourselves but it's not like we have to learn that lesson in complete isolation. Very often we learn it when a relationship goes bad, we are hurt and the only way to pick up and move on from that feeling is to decide to love ourself more. So we learn it, alone, but that leesson hurts. I know, I can say I "learned that lesson" but at the same time there is always the chance there is more to it, or I will have to review, or more often prompt the fear of it by giving in to other fears and insecuritt. And naturally it scares me because it hurts, you don't want to go through it again, it hurts to think about anyone else going through it.- I do need to change the music if I want to stop discussing heartbreak. Just skipping ahead, for now, still have an hour. It is possible to learn these lessons, tough and subtle as they can be, while still in a reltionship, we are generally chipping away at it all the time, I expect. And it is possible to come to understandings in relationships so they don't have to end badly but can continue, maybe in other forms, while new relationships are made. But moments of crisis may bring out how much we feel we love ourselves, and each other. I realized this morning (the next day, this last line is during the edit) that I feel bad for mentioning any issues I have with "my lover" in this gagablog. I usually want to acvoid it but include it sometimes when it is the best way to express my point or i just feel like this is the only wat to express it. But I realized when I talk about peoblems I have with my lover these are usually reflections of my own issues with myself and would likely come up, maybe in different forms, but one way or another even if I was with someone else. So it's not really personal about her but about ways our interactions gradually get me over my own issues. I remember I was going to mention the Bhagavad Gita and how there are various paths to "paradise" or whatever it is. One is the path of the parent and i'm blessed with such wonderful kids that one is easy for me. It seems greedy to look for any other path but I also want the path of devotion to a lover and the path of devotion to the divine. The last one is always open, though Art, to me through Gaga, specifically, but also through nature and other artists, media, and endless variety of religion. There is also an endless variety of people to fall in love with but when you really feel love with someone and it becomes a path of devotion you feel fulfilled and completed by it and can fear losing it. It's just that the actions from fear are the most dangerous ones so it helps to use that energy to look inside instead and change yourself how you can. But we all live in this world which is systematically arranged against our most precious inner selves by making some unnatral demands. So love it the place where we can try to nurtire ourselves,safe from these social judgments, however the same judgments can creep in between us if we don't stay close enough.

       Here's my complaint with society and how it affects all our relationships. We act like there is not enough love going around, not enough to do what is needed, not enough for everyone to get even a little bit. We act like this because our society is run in this Loveless way, but it's simply not true. It's like if they did start charging you for how much air you breathe or how much blue you look at. Our whole world, socially, culturally, is built upon this hurtful lie of scarcity, that there is not enough to go around. I want to prove that there is love out there, that underneth it all everything is actually love. I believe in that more than anything. But we don't act like that, we act like the opposite is true. We act like Love is only at the pinnnacle of existance and we have to go through all sorts of "reality" in order to get there. In fact all of this reality is just a pile of bullshit covering the ground of love we all live upon, based on the myth of love as "only for a few" pie in the sky. "Looking at an open sky" she just sang in Good Cop, Bad Cop." "To want and want and never have." There is a reason there is an analogy beteen how we see worldy success and how we see love - both are part of this pattern of bullshit, increasing the idea of striving instead of appreciating what is there "to only see what isn't there, to want and ant and never have" she sang in ths verse. Hillary Clinton is talking aboout healing this rift between cops and communities but if you can't trust her its because you can tell it is not from the heart. I guesss the hope is that her heart can be reawakened and she can be true but all the cheating she did to win the primaries doesn't make you assume she is close to that. Striving is what allows some people to get on top of a whole.mass of other people, we all support the system of injustice with our own Striving. I'm not saying we can all sit back and relax and do nothing. I'm saying we have been duped into striving, competing with each other, to reach the goals of Rare Love and Treasure. But if we saw through the myth of their treasure we would see that love is ll around us. "We both were in that little house, just hanging out, didn't know what you were about" in the current song, "Wrong."

       So I wanted to fall in love, first, then be an artist. All I needed to do was appreciate the love I found instead of still thinking I had More to go for. When I've felt like we're falling out of love my only recourse is Art when I think poisitively about it.. And when we really feel in love, when I'm inspired by the bliss or comfort of it, the only appropriate thing to do with that energy is make Art, music, or magic. This is all that is wonderful enough to "contain" or commemorate these feelings. My problem is, like everyoine else, I think and file things away and act differently than I ideally can. But I know how to access the ideal, too. If I'm feeling "out of love" dont freak out about it and get desperate to save the relationship, go with it, into Art, to remind myself of the magic that always loves me, is always there for me, even if I've been the one who was away, for a time. If I do this I can avoid really "breaking up". The break-ups always come from trying to fight for an idea of yourself you feel is being lost in the communication of the relationship. Art would be the best way to expresss these kinds of feelings, too, but too often I just want her to listen to me talk about it and tell me what she thinks but these discussions can be so sensitive they turn into arguments. So if I could write it down, a a song, story, or paint it, it would be much better. If I don't and we ague too much, I will eventually feel heartbroken and that can reset my relationship with Art, too, remind me to create again, but it's just not the path I want to take. I also need to remind myself to make the most of every good moment and feeling, not just to seek out the very best all the time. I know art is healing magic and is the best thing to do, when I'm feeling bad or good, it makes me feel better. I feel the same way about love in a relationship where the person actually is good for you, where you aren't in abusive situations or at a place where you just can't care about each other equally anymore. We will always have "our own lives" and want people to fit into them, and leave space for them, to different degrees. I ant to "know" I have true love before being The Artist I am, but that is bullshit to insist on this kind of Order. I need to allow my Artistic self and my love to develop at the same time. The Cd just ended so now it is time to switch to Artpop, even if I have to play the censored one. Ah, only  a few seconds later I found the foil one. And now, to celebrate with 45 minutes left to type, a little more of this Green Crack strain I heard originated in my hometown of Athens, Georgia.

       I'm reminded how much I do want to continue and finish my discussion of all the Artpop lyrics, as I heard them, before reading what they really are, but I can't help feeling I have suffered from the choice of this "Getting it wrong" series and my life will transform, magically, when I get back "on the right track" within this belief in love instead of watching it pass like a a cow watchng a train, as it were. Carson told a joke that they were counting dining cars. The theme of this is Ties for a few reasons, starting with a conversation I had with my daughter yesterday. She asked me what I thought of ties. I said it depended on how you looked at things. If it was something that you really wanted to have a clear winner, a tie could be seen as bad. If you don't want anyone to feel bad for losing, a tie is good. And if someone wants to feel good from winning then a tie could be bad. If one side only wants to win, will only accept winning, but the other side just doesn't want to lose, the tie can be good and bad. I feel like I summed it up better talking with her. But my conclsion was that Ties were better because they had more options to make people feel good and less to make them feel bad. I thought it as interesting to think about and planned to include it in my gagablog. I guess the only side that is likely to be "hurt" by a tie is the one that insists upon winning and maybe that attitude and perspective benefits from being checked sometimes, taken down a peg, like karma. So I came to the overall conclusion that ties were good. Then last night I was struck by a joke Carson told about Ties. He said a Tie is like kissing your sister, no one likes it and you both want to throw up afterards. I don't recall what the context was. I was already kind of alerted that I would put things he as saying in my blog because of the time period: he was making jokes about the first two weeks of the invasion of Iraq, how they never managed any air defenses, how their commanders were dummies (they had put dummies on the batllefied) and then mentioned they had the fourth largest army in the world and had paid for it with oil money and we should have gone over and "relieved" them of the oil before they knew what it was.

      Sexxx Dreams is ending now and I still can't wait to write about it but still don't feel quite "ready". To nights ago I committed to it again because of an episode of Three's Company. Chrissie - damn Gaga as hot as Chrissie on SNL - is asking Janet about dream interpretation. I wish I had written more notes but she is asking if she is a sex fiend since she had a dream about wearing blue shoes to prom. "What's rong with that?" Janet asks and she says she asn't wearing anything else. So of course I see this as a sign that I should write about Sexxx Dreams as soon as possible. Then she mentions her other dream, that she is eating a blueberry muffin while riding a white unicorn with a tulip in it's teeth. I just remembered I saw Vanilla Ice doing the Pasa Doble while channel-surfing, but I don't know if that has a flower in your mouth or not, I don't think he did. But of course I thought it sounded like a Sex Dream, and also reminded me of Gaga with the blueberry muffin and unicorn. And then the very next scene begins ith Helen Roper reading "The Passsionate Countessa" which also reminds me of Gaga and reminds me to watch Hotel."Do what you want ith my Body" is on now and it makes me ant to finish that series so much but I don't want to only half-do it, with 23 minutes loeft to type, so I hope I will resume that for edition number 117.

       Back to what I wanted to say about Ties. I just noticed I wrote a note of the actual question, I think, or the impresion I got from it. She may have asked me "do you think it is better to look at a tie as both people win or both people lose?" In a way that is a more subtle question, but really it just makes it more obvious that, when things are "equal", why not look at that positively?

       I know it may seem like all this is pointless but I really think there is something to it which ultimately will change the world, undo the wrong in the world. Our world is based upon a "winners" mentality, at least here in America, and certain things we do, such as make over 80% of the worlds weapons, probably, do have an affect on the whole world. We probably aslo make most of the TV and movies, so I'm trying to say influence can go either ay but it is up to us to cut out the bad side. "Could try to sell you out or I" she just sang. I do want to end all war and all exploitative banking and other industries. Sorry to say it, I want to put you out of a job. But I also ant to put all sorts of people out of jobs by automating industry. I want us to move past a "work" standard of living. I absolutely despise the idea that you have to "work" for a living, that you have to earn your living, as if you owe a debt for your existance. That is totally a construction of "this world" and is at the heart of all the problems, stabbing our tue heart like a stake. "We could belong together"   - the song artpop just ended and it sums up this idea so well to me, refashioning the world around Art and love, not money, so that we are together instead of separate.

       This is the beauty of the Tie. This is why I was happy with my conclusion about the Tie, yesterday morning, then kind of horrified by Carson's in the rerun last night and why I associated it so closely wiht his comments about Iraq. He was laughing at them for using dummies, for not being able to get any planes off the ground, and for two weeks into the war putting up minimal resistance. He said there was a traffic light on the Kuwaiti border that went "desert / don't desert" - like a crosswalk signal - since so many were deserting. "Swine" just reached the breakdown part, painting faces. So all this gloating, 25 years later after both the seige of Baghdad was so quick, and the second Iraq war so long, seemed weird. But mostly it seemed weird becuase it was just ragging on the Iraqis with no shame and since then, in the "rebuilding" stage, our culture is always presenting positive, sympathetic views of Iraqis  - so seeing how much animosity was just a joke at the time was jarring. But I remember those times, too, I just didn't have TV back then and never saw Carson live. And I'm not trying to pick on him, now, just referring to how it was at the time. It reminds me of what I detest about the "winner's only" culture, especially when the deck is always stacked in their favor. At the time I never accepted any justification for war in Irq and was against it long before it was ever announced because I knew that was what  Bush was after, the first Bush to sell weapons and the second that same goal as well as some sick Revenge for his daddy - but mostly just an ad for war. They had protestors saying it was about oil and gas prices but to me that as an orchestrated diversion becuase it was really a genocidal, evil advertisment for more war and weapons. And of course the destabilzation created conditions to sell more weapons. I was just talking about this because it stuck out, for the time period and for what he said about ties, at the end.

       But what he said about ties,that they were disgusting, was a symptom of this whole mentality, that Winners are the only valuable ones and that someone has to win, someone has to be on top "I own the world, we own the world" she just sang as I typed that. But of course Gaga is singing about "looking good and feeling fine" and a different kind of power and being on top of the world, feeling your best. Not this standard of war, of being able to kill the most people. Well, slay them with fashion, is all. "Married to the stars" to me has a mystical meaning, though maybe she means movie stars, I don't kmow, with just five more minutes I have to remember I will get into all of this soon, once I'm back on track.

       The beauty of the tie is that no one has to lose and it IS better to see a tie as "all are winners" instead of "all are losers" or "we just don't know who the real winners nad losers are, damn." Its not a problem to have more equality, it's actually improvement, especially in a world when some people are at such great disadvantage. For games, of course, the whole fun is the challenge of having winners and losers and underdogs and champions. But the whole beauty of being able to do it that way is that it doesn't really matter or have life-threatening consequences. But when you have "winners" and "losers" in the street, in the real world, when everyone is not treated equally, you have protected classes, even jobs like our cops who can kill people without punishment. And you have politicians at the top getting away with everything but always wanting to push the envelope further to more evil, as if we can stand anymore, and that can't just continue. We have to be able to look through these things and see the real world beyond it. We can do it and we will but it's so much nicer when we do it by coming together in the magic of love than from destroying each other and realizing only from hat we've lost. Just as I need to use my good AND bad feelings to remind me to make Art, we need to remember that we are alays moving towards either coming closer together or pushing each other apart, as individuals all the way up to nations. We've been set in this standard of always pushing away, to make our own space, to assert our rights, to claim dominance or alternately to plea for justice from those ho dominte us. Well, I have to maake this trip but willl return to conclude this and read it over.

       My friend just mentioned Arnold Palmer, I don't know why. I'm glad he did because it reminded me of some media magic I did not write down because I felt sure I would remember it. The last note I did make was a radio DJ talking aabout it being better to break up and get it over with than live a lie and also about rollercoasters. He said riding them prevented kindney stones because the forces you feel on them end up causing you to pass the stones while they are small to avoid getting larger and more problematic and painful. I noted this, gross as it is, because of recently discussing the "rollercoaster" of emotions of a tumultuous relationship. Of course it sucks to have conflict and ups and downs but if they can help you work out some problems and eliminate them before they get bigger then it an be good, in the long run, as long as it's not too destructive in the short run. The diffference is being able to keep that perspective and share the long-term goal of being together. The falsehood of the "perfect illusion" is that if one person truly wants this and the other person is only saying that they want it, but they do say it, then the person who is truly in love has no idea there is somehting wrong. This is why it is almost better to tell a harsh truth than to sugar-coat a lie, like giving a bitter tonic versus candied poison. I'm not going to try and say anything good about Trump because he stnds for so much evil, and I don't want to talk about Hillary, either, but I will say that the reason they are currently tied, supposedly, in polls is that they are both equally horrible, one for telling th truth about how bad he is andthe other for lying about wanting to be good to cover the fact that she could be much worse. She has more connections with foreign governments, weapons makers and oil companies. But I don't think there will really be  choice between them, it should be Bernie and maybe it will be after some October Surprise. But Bernie will, or would, easily win and that is where you see how she is tied with him. Even if many people don't know anything too bad about her the people who would otherise support her won't do it becuase she stole the primary, in many cases stealing their votes, pesonally. People can't just support someone like that just because they are afraid of the alternative and I think that is why they are Tied, plus I think it truly is entirely a sham this year and he is just playing to lose since he is basically working for her. As long as it's  "tie" they can rake in money from both sides.

       But back to Arnold Palmer. The new season of the Simpsons started last Sunday and I'm glad I got to see it. I've always been religious about the Simpsons and while I always looks for connections between them, and all art, and my life and world events, even with the rerun schedule, just as I did with Carson last night, there are many examples of the Simpsons magically predicting things and stange codes in the jokes. I watched a video about these things once. In the first epiosode of the new season which aired for the first time last Sunday there is a scene where Homer is making Arnold Palmers and says the name "Arnold Palmer" numerous times. Then after the Simpsons there was a news report that Arnold Palmer had died that same day, Sunday. Of course the episode must have been written and animated months ago so this was one of those stand-out examples of media magic, another Simpsons predition. I think they somehat predicted President Trump, though I think the context can leave it open to interpretation. The only reason I can think to mention it relating to this edition of the gagablog is that the theme is Ties and an Arnold Palmer is half lemonade and half iced tea. They are both made what they become, together, only in an equal mixture of both. So it's  tie. This reminds me of a meme I saw on the internet  - I did go back, some, on the fall equinox, to the chos magic group on facebook, found some new people there, some old ones who welcomed me, but there I saw this meme ith various ideologies represented by a glass half full with water, in different arrangements.

There is a Sativa hybrid called Sweet Dream testing at 31% THC so I am going to get some, be back soon.    

       Well, I didn't get a chance to write anymore yesterday so this is the next day, Thursday. I'm glad to say everything is still fine in my personal life. I'm sad to say things have not changed enough in the world. I'm about to read over this but I want to include the last things I didn't get to, about the #blacklivesmatter protest and the book I am reading, The Black Arrow. Now it is Friday morning because all I got to do yesterday with this was read it over.

        There was a communications professor on NPR talking about how he discussed the protests of polce shootings with his class. He said that students get defensive and take things personally, especially if they have family in law enforcement. That would prevent people from opening up and engaging the conversation. The soution he found was to talk about the systems that we are part of instead of talking about individuals. He said he would emphasise the human being who put on the police uniform so he could talk about the system that the uniform represents. He said body cameras and "training" were surface solutions but that we needed deeper systematic changes. This is about racism and classism inherent in the culture of police work. Once you start talking about the system then it is not isolated to any one field. These same factors affect all of our lives. We live in a world that is made out to be all about winners and losers but that is the source of our problem, the idea of superiority and inferiority, and we will evolve as a species when we overcome it. Other animals in the wild may end up losing some members who are different due to natural selection but if not the unique one's adapatation can steer the course of the whole species. When people make arguments that because of "natural selection" some humans should be "allowed to die" you know this is wrong, you can feel it in your heart, in your own nature. This ie because nature is deeper than we allow ourselves to realize on the surface. It is part of our nature, as humans, to support wider variety in our species. I remember my 9th or 10th grade world history treacher telling us that the measure of a civilzation is how it treats it's elderly and disabled people. We have a unique ability to promote ourselves beyond any other species on the planet. We have certainly reached the level of advancement that we could overcome all our natural worries and just fix the new problems we create for ourselves from economics, including enviromentally disasterous energy policies, the evil of war, oppressive law enforcement and prohibitively high health costs.

       The secret is to treat all people equally and do this throughout the system. Most of Hillary's ads here in Colorado were making fun of Trump for making fun of disabled people. She stopped running ads here, foolishly, since they counted 69% of our caucus for Bernie and that was after they stole a lot of our votes. She wasn't very popular to begin with but after stealing the primary people hate her even more strongly. Since her ads left there have been ads for Morgan Carrol, the democratic senate challenger to Mike Coffman. These are actually the same ads, just reminding everyone that Trump mocked a disabled person. They never say anything good about the democratic candidate just demonize him and Mike Coffman for not standing up to him. My point is that everyone should respect disabled or differently abled people and everyone mostly does except for complete assholes like Trump. To have to point this out is going for a really low bar and even Trump supporters don't like him because they hate disabled people but probably make some excuse for his behavior. If everyone agrees that we shouldn't make fun of disabled people but we have a candidate for president who has done this then it does say something about our culture. The problem is he can claim he was not making fun of his disablility, that his opponent is misrepresenting him, When he says sexist and racist things, though, he can't claim this. He says too many of them to pretend they are all misstatements and they all fit with what you can tell he believes, that some people are winners and some people are losers. He probably thinks this way about disabled people, too, but he won't say it because it goes against this "universally" accepted truth. I put that in quotes because it is not "universally accepted" truth. The principle behind respecting differntly abled people is that we respect all people regardless of difference. Different abilities get everyone's respect, supposedly, because you are born that way, or something happened to you as a result of an accident or war. So people are sympathetic. Why don't the differences of race and gender and sexual orientation get the same universal respect? It's because sexism, racism, and homophobia are too deeply ingrained in the culture to oppose them without some effort. If the democrats were running ads in Colorado about Trump and Company being racist they would get more support from me. As it is, they can't count on enough people here being motivated against racism as they can count on people's sympathy for disabled folks. This is wrong, we should be as sensitive to racism, sexism, and homophobia as we are to descrimination or abuse based upon abilities. Legally we claim to be, in many areas, but we just don't live up to it in the culture. They have started running ads for Carrol about the birther controversy, pointing out the racism of Trump insisting for years that Obama was born in Kenya and tying Coffman to him wiht his quote that he doesn't know where he was born but "he knows in his heart" that Obama "is not an American." This is the same evil attitude of deciding who is deserving, based upon race or origin or whatever. The problem is that Trump's claim is probably true that Hillary is the one who began the birther controversy in her campaign against Obama in '08. She, and her supporters, don't have much moral authority to challenge Trump if they originated the lie. You can tell Hillary also thought she scored major points in the debate when Trump admittied that he cheated the tax system and was proud of being smart enough to do it because he doesn't approve of what the taxes are spent on. First of all, many people sympathize with that attitude and respect him for it and even more for being open about it. But even more important Hillary has no moral authority to gloat over Trump for cheating the system because she cheated the whole eloctoral process this year, in every state, in every way she could, in order to be the nominee in the first place. She is the worse cheater, cheating us out of our vote, not just money, and she is worse for acting like she didn't do it, lying about it every step she takes forward without stepping down. I'm not saying he would be a better president, I'm saying we need Bernie, Jill, Tulsi, or a real revolution. There is a reason Trump and Hillary are tied, they are both equally terrible, both equal losers.

         The main reason I am complaining about the Democrats running ads about Trump making fun of disablilty and the birther controversy is the ads themselves, their focus, reveals the democrats own racism. It's basically the same commercial Hillary ran that Morgan Carroll is running against Coffman so I consider this all part of the current DNC tactics. This reflects what the Democrats have become now that they;ve driven us Berners out, a fake party of pretending to oppose Republican ideal while actually implementing them. The racism is obvious in this: Why use the birther controversy to call Tump / Coffman out for racism? They've both made many more racist comments and supported terribly racist policies. Why focus on Obama? Is it because you can't expect the same level of outrage from Coloradoans over racism against black folks in general or the policies that oppress them? Why not run ads about how Trump says he supports stop and frisk, for example? Well, the simple truth is that too many people in Colorado are racist as fuck themselves and they don't care about these issues. A lot of people do, more and more I'm sure as more cool and young people move out here for the weed. But the general population will get upset if you insult disabled people, or pretend they are, anyway,and they will get upset about insulting Obama, most of them will,anyway. But our culture here is too racist, etc, to get people too upset by Trump opposing Muslims, immigrants, Latinos, women and black people. Obama is like OJ or Tiger Woods, he's not Black, he's Obama. This is unfortunate. He should have stayed black,that's why a lot of us voted for him. But  it is because he has "transcended" the way our culture curses black folk that he is "Respectable" enough to expect the majority of Colorado culture to respect him. If he had insited on taking up black folks issues in his presidency things would have been much different by now, already. I'm not saying he should have done what he said he wouldn't do to avoid criticism, that he should "just be a president for black people." But saying, as the first black president, that he is going to be a president for "All people" is basically the foundation of "All Lives Matter." You have to recognize this country's history of oppression of minorities and the way that history continues. Obama should have said something like "I will be president of all people, of all America. But I recognize that America has a history of oppression of minority people, people who look like me. For justice for them, for their benefit, and for the benefit of the whole country and healing the tears in our fabric, I will be a president who focuses on these problems of social injustice and fixes them."

       Hillary said some good things in her debate, all of which I feel like she stole from the Bernie campaign. She ended with his "Its not me, it's us"  appeal,and it isn't her, we can all still hear him saying that since it was his theme. Her best part was how she addressed the issue of the cops abusing people, focusing almost entirely on needing to address the problems in policing. Her solution of body cameras is good an welcome, of course, but again this should have already been universal by Obama, they are slow-walking Justice, and after the professor said these are good but only surface bandaids to avoid addressing the problem at a systematic level it makes me wonder, if Obama was too entrenched in the system to be able to effectively address this problem in eight years what makes us believe Hillary would have the heart to even make as much progress as he has. It's just not changing fast enough, not as fast as we need it to change and not as fast as we will be demanding it change. So if they can't get someone in power who is really willing to make these changes it won't go well for them and could change the country much more than what they have been so desperately trying to avoid by rigging the political system to keep Bernie out of office. Maybe that's just the say it has to happen but I still like to have faith in the Democratic (if we can get that back) idea that the government is like the collective mind. I like the idea that we have the ability to make good choices, as people and as a culture, that we can just choose to improve ourselves and our old bad habits won'tdrag us down. I say that after smoking my first cigarette in a few days, earlier this morning, but Mary Jane Holland on right now reminds me to enjoy this Sweet Dream again, 31% was no joke.

       If you want to be a leader, lead. Don't say "Colorado doesn't care much about racism, immigration, or sexism, or war- well, there are still too many folks there who are conservative about all of those things, we don't have enough leverage on this side of the wedge, so let's focus on them disrespecting Disabled people and Obama, instead." Say "you SHOULD care about all the racism, islamophobic, sexist, war-mongering and anti-environment ideals the opponents are putting out. If you don't, I will tell you why you should, because I am a leader." Hillary kind of did this in her answer to the question about bringing communities and police together. But again she can't be trusted to have the heart to root out the systemic problems if Obama couldn't. I guess we can hope to force her to address them, with protest and spreading awareness, just as we hoped to convince Obama. It just seems like I'm saying that to play devil's advocate and we really just need to accept that they won't change unless we force them to. Like I said, I do believe we can just "make smart choices", as a country, that'swhat dEmocracy is for. But only if they let us have our choice. We chose Bernie, largely with the support milinneals who we all kind of respect as idealistic and full of potential and will be around longer, influencing the next generation more, to see that justice is done, eventually. Hillary stole our chance to do it now and the game they are playing, to keep oil companies and war in business a few more years, is just evil and doomed to fail, plus it's time is up. One way or another we are taking the country back for the earth and for the people. We are all on the same side. The only thing dividing us is this artificial system that decides there must be winners and losers so we know who to treat well and who to treat badly. That just needs to go away so we can realize there is no reason for all this striving and conflict.

       Trump and Hillary both support the same corporate interests. She talks about "taking people out" like murder and war are a fun game to her. He just pretends to be more serious about it but both are equally dangerous for starting wars, in different ways. War is not the answer. Our creativity and ingenuity are the answers. Working together is the answer. I really feel like, from the debate, everything about them was so similar, from their fake Egos, so easily rattled into tantrums, to their policies. The only thing they seemed to be claiming a difference on was addressing the problems with police. Trump said everything you would expect from someone who is racist and out of touch, "law and order" and bringing back the policy of Stop and Frisk even though it was deemed unconstitutional for being desrciminatory. Of course Hillary's answer was much better, from the Bernie Book, but it was her saying it which makes it untrustworthy. And it wasn't anything Obama shouldn't have done already and we apparently can't trust either of them for the same reason, they are the tools of The Man. Still, at least she is talking about doing the right thing and the main problem is, like Obama, she would be in a position to do much more but by dragging her feet becomes an obstacle to progress. So she would be in the way, but at least facing the right direction, and could be motivated to move faster and make some of the progress we need. The problem is that electing her encourages them that they can get away with everything on her terms. Maybe she'd be more humble about it if she lost again. But I truly believe our best choice is to elect Jill Stein, or force the DNC to allow the Return of Bernie. I don't know how that would be possible besides throwing a wrench in the normal process if he wins in Vermont and Wyoming and/or Oregon or other states with Write-in votes, sending it to the house to decide and the people put pressure on their representatives to vote for Bernie. Maybe there would be another way to just replace her with him on the ballot if some major news breaks in October, the famous #OctoberSurprise. I keep veering from the point, though. The point is that both Hillary and Trump seem ready to start a war which is the main reason we don't need either of them. Trump claims to be "pro-business" while Clinton may claim to value the environment but is even more a tool of the oil companies than he is. Trump would be worse on social issues but that does not mean she would be good, or good enough. She dodged the issue when he brought up her using the term "superpredators" to refer to black people just like she dodged when he said she stole the primary from Bernie. Her mentor, Robert Byrd, is a former Klansman and while Trump got the endorsement of one KKK Grand Dragon Hillary was endorsed by another one and he used the same langauge Koch used when he expressed supprt for Hillary, that she was only lying about what she would do to get elected but once in office would do what they wanted.

       All things being equal (as indeed they might be with Trump and Clinton is he is working for her, playing to lose, just a decoy to ensure she becomes president) the difference between Trump and Clinton is that he is making that hyper-"Amerikkkan" (the worst of America) argument that the cops are always right, might makes right, they have the power to kill without question because they are the "winners" and everyone else are "losers" and therefore don't count. Of course the cops protect those who are "winners" enough, rich enough, to be above the law. This is the whole system we need to abolish. Bernie represents abolishing this evil system, this relic of slave days. Hillary represents putting a dress on it. Maybe a dress with body cameras. But if you can't get anyone to see the footage, and you can't get a conviction of cops, then a body camera is like a carnation. Someone here recently got mandatory life in prison for killing a cop in a high-speed chase, he hit him with his car going through an accident scene, and the charge was first degree murder. But the cop who shot an unarmed, compliant civilian with a gun recently in Tulsa may face manslaughter  charges and we can only hope there will actuall be any punishment. This double-standard and blind support of the police is the essence of the "some people are more worthy than others" problem. And the problem is that Hillary suffers from it worse than anyone if she feels like her own "worthiness" to be president entitles her to steal the election and supercedes the worth of millions of other people by stealing their vote.    

        I really didn't intend to talk so much about politics. I want to say that only real leaders, visionary leaders, can change things as radically as we need them to change. They are the only ones who can look at the system an actually root out problems, from the root, not just trim the leaves back. Hillary and Trump just aren't these kinds of people, or aren't anymore, and Bernie is and everyone knows this. People who have heart know that this system is corrupt. And all people have hearts but many people just aren't exposed to the reality of what is happening enough for their hearts to be awakened. And some who are end up getting their hearts covered over with greed, for power or other interests - because Hillary and Obama were both apparently idealistic in their youth. The key is that Bernie is still youthful, still idealistic, and that is why he resonates so much with this generation and people of all ages who have a sense of justice. People like to make excuses for slavery and other atrocities by saying it was a different time when people thought differently. But at all these times there have been radical, progressive people fighting for truth and justice, which proves people have always known better, too, or were capable of knowing better if they only knew what was really happening. These long movements towards justice just keep going but do turn on various revolutionary moments. There is a new movie out, for some reason called Birth of a Nation which I beleive was an old KKK propoganda film of the silent era. A Denver couple produced it and are having its premiere here. It is about Nat Turner's rebellion in 1830 to overthrow the slave system. I admit I don't know much about the history but in the pulicity for it I felt smart and fortunate to have even known who Nat Turner was from my school days in Georgia. John Brown has been on my mind, from the Grateful Dead through the years but also from a silent movie I saw a while back about his rebellion at Harper's Ferry. I still think our culture refrains from considering Brown a hero because he "failed" and because he took up arms, but a movie depicion can do a lot to change or make a person's image in the culture and I imagine this new movie will allow people to see Nat Turner as a hero. Hopefully that will help people see how these issues continue and even inspire people to become heros, too, at this time of great need. My point to bring this up is to say that individuals always have a sense of heart and when these hearts join they become a movement. When the movement gets strong enough is does effect revolutionary change and is referred to as a revolution in the eyes of history, like the Sexual Revolution. Basically it is the fate of humanity, a necessary step in our evolution. It's going to happen one way or another. We can make smart decisions, and change our culture and ways enough to allow the implementation of those desisions, and make this transformation in the most responsible, intelligent, and peaceful way possible. But we have to transform our culture, one way or another, and we will.

       As mush as people need to become aware of systematic injustice you can't, apparently, wake people up with just statistics and news events and information sharing, no matter how compelling the information seems to be to people who already care about the issue. People need a personal appeal to wake up their hearts. Thats one reason we want Bernie so much is that he has the heart, he has that connection with people and way to share your heart, to open up our hearts together. I noticed a post on facebook from a girl who sat behind Bernie in coach class on an airplane recently and he insisted on carrying her diaper bag for her as they walked off the plane to the terminal. That's a person who is "just like everybody else", not putting on airs, just a genuinely nice person. And we're all like that, deep down, but we end up with other "priorities" that take us away from our own hearts unless we are actively trying to b loving to people. But all of our hearts, and the heart of the world, of the universe, are calling out to each other to come together. We just sometimes need a leader, or to become a leader, to help us say that opening up is the brave, powerful, vulnerable thing to do. We need someone to set an example sometimes. Which is why we all wanted, asked for, and voted for Bernie. He set the example, to us, and we recognized that he would have the power to set the example for the whole nation and the whole world. That is what they are most afraid of, apparently, everyone waking up and demanding Justice. But it's going to happen whether they like it or not and the funny thing is, once it happens, everyone is going to like it much more. They are just holding us all backwith greed and pettiness and fear. But we are destined to break through their barriers and we will, one way or another. It's too bad that the DNC didn't let Bernie have his victory because we are losing this time when he could be in the spotlight, having this effect upon the culture. But at the same time a lot of people are turning to Jill and empowering the Green party, some estimates say 90% of us support her now. And I still hope it was all just a plan by the DNC, knowing Bernie will be the nominee but using Hillary to absorb all the attacks, and run a "tie race" to scare everyone into donating money. It seems like a big scam but if it does end in Bernie as our next President, and Tulsi as VP and first woman president, I won't even mind that it was a scam because we will be ready to make that transformation we need. It won't be that bad to have lost Bernie's voice for a couple of months if he has the biggest podium in the land for the next 8 years, and if they get a lot of money out of it, good for the DNC. But we are missing out on Bernie's passion and heart in challenging Trump in these debates. That could ave a very good effect on the culture to see someone who really cares debating against him, someone who's heart is really with the people. So maybe the surprise will happen early and Bernie will be the nominee for the second two debates. I sure hope so. Even if they couldn't raise money based upon it being a tie I still think a lot of people will donate because of the excitement of being part of this movement. If the democrats and Republicans are working together, having Bernie be the nominee might end Republican fundraising since they would know Bernie will win in a landslide but then again they are generally stupid and inclined to throw money at problems so maybe they would do that. It wouldn't be a Tie, though.

        Well, even if we don't have Bernie Truth and Justice will come out one way or another. Kids have heart, naturally, because they haven't "grown up" too much and lost their idealism. Like I said it was partly Bernie's childlike nature that made him such an inspiration to people, that made us hope he would be the way to inspire others. But it's going to happen one way or another and if we can't have child-like leaders then actual children will lead us instead. As much as people need to see the injustice in the system it sometimes takes a person, a heartfelt appeal, to break through all the divisions in society that prevent us from seeing things from another point of view. Recently this leadership emerged in a young girl from Charleston. They were having a town hall meeting following the protests there and she stood up at the microphone and told everyone through tears how they need their fathers and mothers and can't live with the descriminatory oppression of the police anymore. This is the kind of thing that can be a turning point for the culture when people who have been on the sidelines of an issue actually wake up to what is going on. When people on the "other" side of the issue, of the "thin blue line", realize that we are all in this together and trying to get out, from both sides, from a divisive system that oppresses all of us. Some are oppressed in all the traditional ways but even the oppressors are victims of the system because it rots their hearts and takes them further from this place of empathy which is the foundation for the good things in life we all need.  It would be nice if the so-called "adults in the room" could realize this and we could make the decisions that are best for all of us instead of letting ego and power trips get in the way. Since they can't, at least quite yet, it falls to the kids to be the heroes we need.

       I don't even know that little girl's name but I imagine she will be famous for her role in this movement and remembered to the end of time. Names are interesting. I was going to say some things about The Black Arrow but I don't want to give away too much of it, it's really fun to read. I will say that I chose an adventure story because the love themes of the romantic ones I've been reading hit too close to my heart at a tender time, but Love, of various kinds, is still a central theme. Mostly it is the Justice form of love, expressed publicly in shifting sympathies between the warring factions of Lancaster and York, with truth and justice shaking out of all the bloodshed and conflict. There are various ways which the other main charactersare flawed while the hero keeps his course set with truth and Love and keeps progressing. But the main thing I wanted to mention were the names. The first one that struck my attention was Ellis Duckworth and that name probably prompted me to return for a day to the chaos magic group on facebook. There most popular sigil is the Ellis or LS sigil, the linking sigil, and they refer to the Being of it as Ellis. So I took that as a sign and was pleased with my return to the group but don't want to spend much time there, still. Then the main name that stood out was Joanna which was featured prominently in the part of the book I was reading at the same time that it was rumored or announced that Gaga's new album will be titled Joanne after her relative who passed away, whom honors with her team before every show. Then there is a Lord Foxham who reminds me of our band Foxzen. We're about to release our second album, I just really want to make the music for my song "Made Me A Monster," to include with it. It's my best tribute to Gaga, so far, and we have so many other fantastic songs on the album I want them to all be together.  

       As I was finishing this I I had an insight about reverse psychology. Even if people are "on equal footing," and there is not authority being rebelled against, even if the person making the decision knows that the other person is using reverse psychology, it still works. Why? Because there is this idea of "winning", of "who got what they wanted?" in every situation. Even if it doesn't really matter at all, or even if it is a major decision, reverse spsychology can work and I think it is for this subtle reason: there is this idea about who wins a decision, about who gets "their way." If you use reverse psyhology, even if the person knows you are doing it, lying about your preference, it still works because you are surrendering at the very beginning. You are saying "you get to win the 'who decided?' point, getting what 'you want', not what I want." It's somehow less important that you are doing what the other person wants if the "score" shows that you made the choice. And it's doubly ironic because of course "you" are the one making the choice, it's your choice to make. But somehow falling into revers psychology is asserting, on the surface, that you are the one making the decision even if you are actually taking the other's advice. It's a way of taking advice without percieving the other person as "superior" to you. Of course no one is intrinsically "superior" to anyone else, we all have different traits, but the idea of hierarchy is so strong in our culture that even these small, subtle reliefs from it, being willing to be the "wrong" one just to get the right outcome, can really influence our behavior.

      The idea about using reverse psychology is just to say look what you can accomplish by putting your ego aside, by being willing to be seen as wrong in order to reach the right outcome. We are such a traffic jam of ego that just removing one, your own, can free up the space for everyone else to sort it out. This is why saying "I'm sorry" can be so effective. It's just admitting that you regret something, that in some way you could have done something better for the other person. This is saying you respect something about them that had seemed overlooked. How powerful this can be! We live in a world where everyone feels put down, like no one appreciates them enough. If you can just say "you aren't being appreciated for how great you are, and I was one of the ones doing it!" you break through this whole system and say "hey, look! We can look at each other in a new way." As I typed that Tony and Gaga were singing "They All Laughed" and it's the same thing. All of this world of love and art are what has been denied and ignored but it is the real world, real life, and it is emerging so that it can't be ignored and repressed anymore. The same goes for all forms of love, art, and magic. It's just true, it has to come out. And sometimes, without realizing it, we are standing in the way of it. Of course I am guilty, in my way, of doing the same thing I accuse Hillary of: facing the right way, maybe, but not moving fast enough, still being in the way. I'm destined to be an artist but I hold myself back, as I've detailed in this gagablog. But I'm ready to free myself and it just comes from letting this ego go and becoming the new me. it's a little scary but mostly it's exciting, especially as our music keeps getting better and I'm increasingly inspired to write stories and paint and draw, too. And I'm back to my ald ambition I had as a young child to make new styles of card games, as well. Steve Jackson games have recently helped encourage me to get back to that idea and I feel like i have some interesting game constructions to contribute. I know Eurogames are popular for not having "winners" but I don't know much more about them other than I should mention that in this context.

       I was going to say "All things being equal" is an interesting phrase to end this with. In a way, all things are equal, or should be. Everyone should be considered equal under the law and a law that plays favorites is unnatural and will need to evolve or be swept away. But when "all things are equal" then the result of a contest is either Luck or Fate. In games, like in making unimportant decisions where someone is using reverse psychology, it doesn't matter who "wins," it's just for fun. But in life, setting everything up into winners and losers is evil. Politically, socially, economically, there is nothing wrong with going for a tie, where everyone is equal, and everyone is considered a winner. If some people who resent losing their previous "winner' status resent this and feel like losers that would be their own problem but I think the vast majority of people would be too happy enjoying the fact that everyone was happy to be worried about their previous petty concerns. Just like I think if food was free people wouldn't overeat because they would be able to overcome those childhood traumas of needing food, realizing that more food was always available. I feel this way about all goods. They can all be free, no one will take more than they can really use because they won't want to be seen as trying to be above everyone else. There will plenty to go around for everyone to have plenty, especially if people aren't wasting most of the stuff leaving it empty somewhere waiting for the particular holiday they use it, locked in a bank, and such as that.

       A tie means a kind of equality. There is nothing wrong with a tie, in fact, in many ways it is better than a winner and a loser. Games might be the only thing where this is not true: in every other aspect of life we should treat each other equally. As far as how much justice someone gets, or how many votes someone gets, it  shou;ld always be a tie. Nobody should be favored by the system. When they are, that is where the system needs to adjust.We have stark inequality within America and also between nations. If we merely seek to end that state by digging deep and extracting the roots of injustice we can do it. The idea of valuing a tie, of seeking to end the state of favoritism and winners and losers, can be the path to doing this. This could be an application of the buddhist "middle path" idea as well.

       The important thing to consider is that we are all tied together in systems. If we insist on winners and losers we will pass suffering around the web we are all part of. If instead we can value the idea of having a tie, of finishing together and not getting ahead of each other, we can all progress.without the suffering. And we will progress faster and in more vibrant and surprising ways when we include everyone.Willona just made a joke about the debate inspiring a new special at the boutique, "cut low, making all sorts of promises you aren't gonna keep!" When the aldarman asked why Florida doubts his sincerity she says she doesn't doubt it, she'sjust never seen it. Now he just kicked them out when JJ wouldn't give a speech for him to help him get the youth vote, for YAM, "Young Artists for Me." Sorry to squeeze this in but it reminds me of Bernie at the DNC, being pressured to give the supporting speech by some threat. This is the whole problem of people using their power to abuse people. This is what they were getting justice for in The Black Arrow and what we are seeking justice for in the #blacklivesmatter movement.

      Just like all we want is equality in the feminst movement and movement for gay rights, all we want is equality under the law and in the voting booth. Even with Citizens United in place the corporations still have to cheat to subvert the will of the people. But things are changing. I usually don't mention my personal life too much unless I just can't resist it, I'm so proud of my lover. Her new Tarot, the Modern Spellcaster's Tarot, just came out and it's awesome. The first review I read of it was great, too, from www.queerstreettarot.com and it praised the way the cards show many different kinds of people and ways of loving in a casual way. It says it is the first tarot produced by a mainstream company that is inclusive in this way. I believe that being the first in this way is a sign of the new era that is arriving where all love is accepted and celebrated. That's how I've always felt about Stefani, Gaga, that she is introducing the era of love as the Goddess of Love. I know all of this is run by art and magic. I'm so proud to be part of this milestone for all of us but it makes me that much more excited to contribute my own. In the same way Gaga has always inspired me but the idea that I could somehow impress her, or have that influence on the world, when I get into that feeling, makes me capable of art and music beyond my expectations and previous limitations and activates my dreams.

       I feel like it is part of Justice that my intention to succeed is not about being above other people but going to create more ties around the world, more opportunities for people who need them, wherever I can find them, to promote the most equality in the world. I think more and more people will share that goal until we can eliminate the suffering that comes from inequality in the world, especially as more people are helped out from under the worst effects of the current system and can reach their full potential.

       PS: That episode of Good Times ended with JJ doing the speech praising the Alderman in order to keep their apartment, since he had threatened to have them evicted. But JJ ends up telling the truth instead, calling him out for being crooked. Afterwards the alderman tells them he will evict them but when the crpowd loves it, thinking it is a roast, he says he wants JJ on the campaign with him and tells Florida "Don't worry, ss long as I'm Alderman you will always live in the projects." To me these Two Sides of Alderman Fred are like our "choice" in the election. One is threatening to throw us out, make life worse, and the other promises to keep everything the same. We just need a new direction and actual progress. I've decided to focus more on art, on my music. When the next show, the Jeffersons, came on, it starts with George saying "I'm a thousandaire. And I could be a millionaire if I could get some publicity." That reminds me I need to finish this album and start getting it out there. Of course we are only centaires, pennyaires, so far, but I feel the magic in the music and know it promises wonderful things for the future. The Russian guest just told the journalist "Keep on truckin" as he left.