I realize I've been making a mistake with the Gagablog for two years now, since Artpop came out. For the whole “Getting it Wrong” series, anyway. It came to me in the last couple of days, and since struggling so much with Sexxx Dreams, but became especially clear to me as I heard that song again, just now, before starting this.
Sexxx Dreams isn't just about having sex dreams and what they are about, what they “mean.” None of Artpop is “only” about what it means, but about the experience of it. It's Art. Yes, it means things, and many things to many people, and all of that is good, but that is not all it is “about.” Trying to analyze Sexxx Dreams became an analogy for this. Now I feel like I figured it out a little more, not the “meaning” but the same nature everything has as a magical puzzle. And having “solved” this puzzle I hope it will always be a reminder to me to help my awareness when enjoying and making art.
I realized this time, listening to Sexxx Dreams, that it is not just about having dreams, but very much about telling the person, in real life, about having dreams about them. Just thinking about what this realization means, magically, to me, turns my mind and reality inside out to fit the magic style I've discovered, which is my favorite kind. Thanks, Gaga. And she said it was like homemade acid, like a trip, yet instead of taking it I've been holding myself back by just talking about it.
I started a fairy tale on March 20th of this year and forgot about it. I read it and continued it this morning. It's going really well, but I couldn't resist interrupting it to write this, instead, after I put Artpop on. I will get back to it, soon, I hope – it's really good. “This edition”, Gagablog 88, has undergone some transformations in this last week that I think Illustrate the magical transformation I am going through, myself.
In general, my ongoing idea for the “next gagablog” has been, for months now, it seems, to write about Sexxx Dreams. Then I was displeased with how my last one turned out. This coincides with disappointment socially and on social media and with not making more progress as an artist, writer, and musician even though I have been making more progress than I have in many years, lately. But I haven't really gone for it. Really going for it is an analogy not for just having sex dreams or writing them down, but for telling someone, “hey, last night, I was thinking about you...”. So when I got upset with myself for not making my point well, last time I had this idea: Make Gagablog 88 an index were I go back over all the previous editions and give a summary or decoder version. This is what a mind will do, and maybe I will do it, sometime.
For now, I will just say all I was really trying to say in the last edition is that everything that keeps us apart is based on “smaller” and “larger” versions of the idea of “others” - especially of people as “others”. But as I write this, listening to “Swine”, I can't help but recall a cartoon I saw the other day with a cat and a dog looking sad on one side of a table saying “and if the humans hurt or mistreat us they can go to jail” and some farm animals on the other side with pleading looks wishing they could get that respect and protection. The idea of “others”, that some aren't as good or “count” as much, is the source of all problems. What if our respect for each other was literally based on how much we “counted”, so The Count, Count Von Count, would be the most popular and powerful person in the world? Wait, we don't have something like that with money, do we? “Ba-dump-Trump.”
Anyway, I don't think I will do an index. What happened was magic – between typing those sentences Gaga sang “listen to he radiate her magic.” Not yet anyway. What happened was magic, the kind of media magic I' ve been writing about here, all along. Pure Fairy-Tech-Art-Media magic. It was August 12th, 2105, yesterday, literally. But it was August 12th some decades ago that the magic “began.” Thanks to a new TV network, “Decades” I heard the story yesterday at 5 AM, as the meteor shower faded away and the sun came up (“Married to the stars, I own the world, we own the world..I feel on top of the world.” she just sang behinf those lines) We didn't see any shooting stars, but one reason is I didn't go back out due to watching the program on Decades about the premiere of the Wizard of Oz. I just “happened” to find it, flipping around. This network apparently does a “news” show about what happened on Today's Date throughout history. The big story for this one was the Premiere of The Wizard of Oz movie.
Oz is such a foundation for all my magical belief, I could go off on a thousand tangents. But I will focus on two points, the premiere and Salman Rushdie. The movie was originally released to one town, in Wisconsin, I think. It was only on there, for a whole week, before national release, possibly as a test market. It was a small town, I think they said tickets were 20 and 40 cents, and in that week it made 3000 dollars. Which I guess means about 10,000 people saw it that week, if I have the numbers right. A big hit! But it's funny that they would have to test it, the movie that would be one of the most influential in American culture, in the world. I was reminded of this “funniness” this morning when listening to Artpop. I remembered Gaga saying she always wanted to sing with electronic music – I thought she always was doing that, basically, before Artpop, but I guess Artpop is “more” electronic versus previous records being “more pop” (?). Anyway, it seems like Artpop was not the “huge hit” that her previous albums were and it reminded me of this “funniness” about the Wizard of Oz premiere.
First I want to say that Artpop is such an amazing album, I love it as much as all of Gaga's art. I think it didn't have the same sales impact as her earlier albums and has not yet had the same cultural impact, and I think this is mostly due to the music industry, honestly. I don't want to say too much about it and get side-tracked but I will say it is like letting a genie out of a bottle and thinking they could control it, finding out differently and trying to put it back in a “marketing” bottle. Gaga just transcends all of that like Magic transcends Reality, though. Magically I think there is meaning to Artpop having a relatively “limited” audience, at first, and then it's full influence being felt and developed over time, like the Wizard of Oz. And both are still “Big Hits” in their “early days” but that won't compare to their full influence. This is the “funniness” they share. What was a week for Oz in a “limted, local audience” and for those who flocked to see it, who knew, heard, or could sense it was something special, has been two years for Artpop. And Artpop has been a huge hit, especially “in the monster community.” But I know, I can sense, that time will show a much fuller influence. It is the kind of thing, like Oz, that grows over decades.
I won't go off on more Gaga-Oz tangents but save them for my upcoming book. I will say that I felt justified and encouraged to write that book by one more “news” item they mentioned on Decades in relation to Oz. I don't know if he said something about it on the same date or this aspect was just magically included in the piece about Oz, but I had never heard anything about Salman Rushdie and Oz before. Watching this program was already renewing my desire to write my Oz-Gaga magic book, I took it as a sign that I should at least write this gagablog about the Oz premiere. But when he brought up Rushdie I decided it was more like a message, an order from Oz. If you've followed any of my writings you know I believe Oz is real and calling to us as from “The Future” - it is a paradise future waiting for us and giving us clues how to get there. I've always felt this way and thought it was obvious from reading the books. But one focus of my Oz-Gaga book was about how the popularity of the movie version misled people into thinking it was a fairyland of dreams or imagination instead of a real place, the real place. So when I hear that Salman Rushdie also wrote about Oz being real I feel validated and encouraged to write about the magic of it, about how we get there. It's encouraging because he is so highly regarded and I think many people consider him a genius. It's also encouraging that he was the person they mentioned who “believed” this but I've never really heard anyone else's ideas on this subject before. It almost seemed like he is one of the only ones so far who has come forward with this idea. I'm very curious to read what he's already written about it but at the same time I feel certain I have much more to say, and this just makes me feel a new kind of pressure, a rivalry, to spur me on to writing.
I want to write about Oz being real, about the clues to get there, to dispelling illusions that hold us back, and about how Gaga is the key to it all, to transforming the world into Oz. I literally “can't wait” to write about that, anymore. And I have been stalling, in ways, by writing this and talking with folks on facebook – but not entirely stalling, there are things I have learned and accomplished here and there in that time. But the only things “holding me back”, now, from writing that book, besides regular daily obligations, are other art projects, making music, drawing, and writing stories. All of which I am doing more of, following the Yellow Brick Road / Glitter way again, finally. And I can say I am glad it took me this long to start the book, always refining the ideas in my head, but also it took me, in my life, until yesterday to learn that Salman Rushdie believes in Oz, and that he may still be one of the few who “get it”, so far.
I was just thinking of the title for this and came up with “Newsflash! Salman Rushdie Agrees! 'Oz is Real!'” - then a few seconds later I heard Woody Woodpecker in a cartoon downstairs say “Newsflash!” so I guess that settles it. I was wondering if there was some other “news”, from yesterday 2015, August 12th, that would be another fun theme to include here. I can't recall, or if I even heard the news. Maybe something about establishing safe zones in Syria. But I guess I get too caught up in how a personal, media, social, or internal events can magically relate to a World Event. I like to focus on it to point it out to people because it would be fun to talk about, but the truth is I already “believe” in this kind of magic plenty. I am only holding myself back from using it by doing this, by insisting on having someone to work with who wants to change the world with art, too. And I am so very fortunate that my friend is making music with me, now. It's like floodgates opening and my drawing and writing are coming back to life, too. And I don't have to worry about whether or not he has the same magical understanding of music I do, though he probably does, but it does not have to be a discussion that holds us back from actually making the music.
This has been my revelation, for today, about Sexxx Dreams: “Do it!” It's no simple irony that Shia is going Super-Saiyan, these days. It's magic. It's not all about the dreaming. Dreaming is amazing, and if you can get into it, wonderful. I wish I could remember my dreams more, write more of them down, including daydreams – I feel it is my path, one of them. But don't get too caught up in analyzing dreams that you don't enjoy them or go further with them, like I have been doing too often in the gagablog. And don't get too caught up in the dreaming to do something about them, to make them come true, at least by writing them down. I feel the way this “happened” to me shows me how Sexxx Dreams works, at least how it works in helping solve the magical puzzle that is Me, today. I get so caught up in the dreaming that I forget to say something, forget to do anything about it. When I thought about that song, hearing it in my head started replacing “hearing” it, even when I was listening to it. All this analyzing had drowned out the immediate effect of it. Instead of relating to Gaga, through her art, instead of experiencing her art, purely, I have been allowing myself to indulge in my fantasies about it and not fully opening myself up for it to change me by experiencing it each time. Too worried about what I will say about it, like an art critic. Maybe if an art critic reads this it will help him. But Gaga declares at the end, during Applause, that she's here to crash, or help us crash, the critic's Judgment. I got crashed and I'm so happy about it. Just hearing how sexy Gaga's voice is, in every song, but as I listened to Sexxx Dreams this morning it was like it woke me out of my own long, foggy dream. She was talking, telling me, telling someone, something. She was doing it, she is doing it, not just dreaming about it or writing about dreaming about it.
So the other “personal/social/media/magic” event that took place yesterday was I finally watched a cartoon, Madoka Magica, that I promised to watch probably years ago and promised again the day before yesterday. I watched it. The person who recommended it to me is a deep mystery to me, a little monster in Paris, I think, my longest-standing or possibly only real facebook friend. And I mean “real friend”, since I have no idea how real she is. But she has really been there for me and talked with me for years, so she is really my friend on facebook far more than anyone else I've ever met there. And I finally watched one of her favorite shows and I really like it. I've only seen the first 4 episodes, so far, but it makes me think I have been “inside out” in some of my ideas about magic, even though my magical ideas generally involve turning parts of the world inside out to reveal magic. I guess it is like I am myself going through that transition, to a greater type of magic in a more magically revealed world. Like I am finally playing my part. It makes me think I have to go ahead and do it instead of talking about it, and once I do, once I make that magical contract to enter the real world of magic and art, I will have many surprising, adventurous new challenges before me. I just have to stop holding myself back.
But it's not about writing about the virtues of plays or the necessity of roles, for me, any more. It's not about talking anyone into agreeing with me or doing it with me. It's about acting, about making the magic, for everyone, for the other actors, the audience, making the scenery come to life and an occurrence for the whole world. I hope some of my writing here can spur someone on, inspire someone to do something creative and make more magic in their own lives. But I really want to make the art myself, to bring fairies to life for people through drawing and writing, to play magic on people and invite them to make their own with music. Gaga has shown me how, and with all my gratitude to her and desire to show others what she does for me, the best way is not by talking about it but by doing it.
This 88th gagablog is all about wrapping it up, more than all the other times before, and also about how it goes on forever. Because there is always more to say, Art is eternal and describing the pursuit of it spins off infinite tales. But it is the Art itself that is that timeless stream. I've been running along the banks and splashing across it at times but it's time for me to dive in and swim. I've kept this up because it's so comfortable to keep dreaming and talking about the dreams. Living the dream is a scary, wonderful adventure. I've been holding back, like testing the waters or wondering what people will think. I've decided to stop focusing on reactions, on the mind and what my mind or others minds make of art. I've chosen to get into the art that I truly am, without regard for those perceptions. It's time to be me, to live my dreams fully so my dreams and my life fully come to life. I felt ashamed of myself for walking along, only occasionally making art or music, when I saw Gaga in concert last year and she said “if you have a dream chase it like the fastest horse you ever saw.” I want to start doing that, to chase down more of my best and fastest dreams, to make more and more art by diving into the stream of it instead of just playing on the banks. Thanks, Gaga, for the fantastic dreams, and thanks for waking me up, Mother Monster. I love you, have a fabulous day!
After I wrote this I went shopping. I'm about to read over it now and post it, but a couple of things happened since I went to the store. I've been wanting a copy of the Munchkin card game but never got it, then saw the new one, Munchkin Oz, and it was five dollars off, so I got it. Just a coincidence with talking about Oz earlier, surely. And at the thrift store I saw a couple of plush dolls of the Scarecrow and Tin Man, and they were nice but I couldn't justify spending I think 7 dollars each on them. They looked like they were from the 70's or 80's, though. The most magical thing that happened was I was in my back yard and saw an eagle or hawk, but a really big bird, flying a little ways off, behind a tree across the street. I wished I could see her again and then she circled around in a wide arc and cried out. A few moments later I saw either her or possibly her children, three hawks flying together. They were coming towards me from the right, but were very close. They actually flew right over my house, and one of them caught a wind current directly over my house, just a few feet from the top of the roof, and was just sitting there for a few seconds. Then it turned and I saw it's wings all spread out above me and they all flew off to the west.
I wished I had my camera to take a picture of it. When I first saw them coming I thought to go get it, but if I had, I would have missed the actual view of the hawk over my house. I see hawks or eagles almost every time I go on a hike, so much that I expect them. I have seen them around the house a few times recently. I hope to see them again, but this was such a cool, close-up view I can't expect to ever see something like that again. I would have liked to take a picture, or video, of it, but I'm happy to have seen it because I will always remember that. This, to me, is a pretty example of living in the moment and enjoying things without worrying about recording it. But also a reminder to keep a camera handy. Still, recording it here does immortalize the moment, in a way. But more importantly, looking out for things like that, hoping for magical signs and taking thr meaning from this that I'm “on the right track”, is something that I hope does turn into immortal stories and songs and art to share with everyone. I've had some struggles drawing Gaga and maybe now I am ready, for example. Or maybe I need to carry out the plan I've had of drawing some monsters I know, to get my drawing style going. Either way, it's time to start doing things and not holding myself back anymore.
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