Everyone knows Donald Trump is an asshole, and that all the people who like him are assholes. The people who like him probably know they are assholes and just don't care, or are too stupid to know. This is not about educating them, though I hope we will all get smarter than to fall for this shit, but it is about treating him as an opponent, not an enemy, and magically moving beyond what he represents. It is not intended as a spell to help his right-wing opponents get rid of him, but is intended as a spell to get rid of all of them. And to transcend them or use them to help the culture evolve. It gets easier and easier the more positive terms I try to see it in.
Donald Trump is surely pretty evil, just as all republicans are evil whether they are racist, rich, warmongers, or any combination, though they are really all of these things, or wannabes, by association. But we should be clear: the appeal of Donald Trump “telling it like it is” amounts to being openly racist and rallying the other more openly racist people to support him specifically for his openly expressed racism. I'm not saying the other republican candidates aren't as racist or say equally racist things, they are and do, but not so boldly. And of course it isn't “just” racism, he really epitomizes a lot of the evil of the Republican party. Some people support him because they feel it makes them cool to want to “shake things up” and I agree with how he ends up exposing bullshit in the system and calls other politicians out for pandering and being bought off. He's not intelligent enough to see how he is doing the same thing in a different way, just not realizing who he is serving. And that is not a reason to “support” him, but rather to enjoy him for exposing and exemplifying these things and to make jokes about it and other ways to spread awareness of why it is bullshit. I think this is what intelligent people who appreciate something about Trump should do, instead of supporting him, even “in jest”, especially since so many are too dumb to get the joke: use him to expose other evils and ultimately move past any future consideration of any such leadership.
This is the value of seeing Trump and what he represents not as an evil to be destroyed but an opponent to be overcome or transformed into something good. The more evil he is the better tool he becomes for that transformation. That is one reason I don't want this to be a spell that destroys his campaign in the primaries, he keeps getting more powerful and reveals more and more how stupid their ideology is. His previous power was in wealth and minor celebrity but now he is adding legitimate political power to this. It's just that that power is based primarily on racism. That's a very strong force in America, he can go far with it, but the Greater Truth is that we are better than that and we may, potentially, face a situation where we have to prove so with our vote and insistence on fair elections. We need to call it out, for what it is, now. Trump is the perfect tool to identify and dismantle the effects of conservative ideals on American politics. He's doing it himself, speaking too brashly and saying what they all believe and ultimately making huge asses out of all of them, and they can't stop him because he is rich and really appealing to so many of them. As a witch who believes in all sorts of magic its tempting to want to “destroy”such a figure, magically, to wish those magical intentions into reality, but the delicate nature of the situation makes you certainly not want to do Jeb Bush any favors and this is why it's easy to remind yourself of the difference between seeing him as an enemy and as an opponent.
If “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” is true then I have to pick the Donald or the Jeb to be my friend, deciding which one is more evil. But it's just not true, or the better phrase is the one I can't remember but it's about opponents instead of enemies. I hate to say it is just like a game, but magically, it is. Realistically, it is not “just a game”: I can't imagine Trump or Jeb becoming president but I couldn't imagine W would get elected, either. Even though he really didn't the fact that it was close enough to fake it means we can't ever underestimate American stupidity. But that also means we can't give up hope. We have to make it better since we've somehow gotten through such bad stuff in the past. It just is possible to get a republican president and that can always be catastrophic, but moreso as time goes on and stakes get higher. I intend this as a spell to keep that from ever happening again, not specifically by influencing the campaign one way or another, but by using what comes out of it to magically help America evolve past conservative influence for good. Magically, spiritually, it is just a game and Trump and the rest of them are simply opponents to be overcome. If we really do it the best way possible they won't ever play that way again, they will have to change completely to play the new game. I fully intend to see the end of the Republican Party and formation of a new party, or parties, to replace it. And I feel like I got a bunch of magical clues on how to do this in the news yesterday.
I was going to write about some media magic I noticed through NPR news yesterday. Then I heard some stories that made me realize this edition should be about Trump. One was about how Angela Merkel recently called to denounce the racism of the Neo-Nazi party in Germany. This is when I realized the connection of all of yesterday's news stories to Trump. If I understood the story correctly, the German people had been tolerating or just ignoring the Neo-Nazis in their country for 70 years, just writing them off as dumb, poor, desperate, misinformed people. They apparently didn't seek to shame them too much for being racist or focus on their racism, before. I don't understand how this can be, in Germany, for Neo-Nazis, except that they might feel such cultural guilt over Naziism they want to ignore it entirely. But on the other hand I can totally understand and relate to it from living in America since we do the same thing. We just laugh at redneck living and dumb rural people, actually seem to respect their redneck right-wing political party instead of laughing it out of existence just because they have the backing of tycoons to pay for all the media and politics that support them. We don't talk about how racist it all is. But as shocked as I was to hear that they are finally starting to talk, in Germany, about how racist the neo-Nazis are it made me wonder: When are we gonna start calling out the right wing for how racist they are? If we don't do it now, when Donald Trump is constantly spewing blatant racism, when would we possibly do it? We just want the ad money? Or do we want to keep fueling his trolling ways until he sinks and takes the whole party with him? To ensure that happens, and in the best way, how can we make sure the whole country learns a clear lesson from all this?
The main story that made me realize it was time to write about Trump was actually a sports editorial. The guy was talking about how the greatness of the great athletes was partly determined by their opponents. His example was a boxer who was not as Great as Ali because he won his title against the “bum of the month” club while Ali won against the best. He even said it made Ali better in a way that he lost one of his three fights against... Joe Fraser? - can't remember for sure, proving the point that Ali was the Greatest. And it might be something about perceived greatness. Trump is no where near as great as he thinks he is or others think he is. He's pretty shitty. But he has crafted a perception of “greatness” around him, mostly out of the complete bullshit of brash racism. His other perceived greatness comes from his hoarded wealth and egotism. These are actually magically and spiritually diminishing, the way he uses them, and will be overcome by Better Magic. In this way, even if I see Trump as the Poster Boy of Racism and Greed, I feel like he is such a pitiful, weak, and stupid opponent, magically. But he certainly is not “beneath me”: on the contrary, he is the perfect opponent at this time. That is why I am using this as a spell, not to destroy Trump himself, but to destroy Money and Racism, the forces behind him and behind all of them.
That might sound ambitious, ridiculous, to some. All I can say to them is, just watch. I'm into some incredible kinds of magic and I don't usually “brag” about it or talk it up, I focus on talking about simple things I hope many people can understand. But I guess to oppose Trump and all that republican bullshit I don't mind puffing up, in that way, a little bit. But I'm just going to say it through the news. This is a spell to end republicanism and those with eyes to see can read along and magic with me, the rest can figure it out.
One story was about the number of wildfires, up to 70 at the same time, this summer. So they have to name every fire and often do so after nearby geography, but ended up so burnt out and overwhelmed by the number they ended up naming one the “Not Creative” fire. But they put it out. I took this as a sign that my creative endeavors are poised to take off and will catch the world on fire in a different way that will ultimately help us address and reverse both the causes and effects of climate change and well as producing national and world government systems with fast and effective disaster response technology worldwide. My dad told me they were fitting airline jets to fight fires now is why I think of that last part. More news.
Another news story was about Church attendance in Ireland. They said that 30 years ago 90% of the population attended church every Sunday. Now, after the sex abuse and cover-up scandals it was under 30%, “lower than in America” which is significant, too. They said that there was a law against breaking ties with the church, and that when the people of Ireland cast the historic vote for gay marriage recently, for a lot of people that was a way they stood up against the church. “Boycotting” was already prevalent, but in the absence of being able to officially break away, a vote for gay marriage, contrary to current Catholic doctrine, was a way of officially standing against the church. I think this is important for many reasons and one is simply that acceptance and real love is really the truth and the future, even the truth of Christianity that so many have gotten wrong. Another reason is that though people have left the church they have not left faith in goodness, however they frame it, and this means love. With or without religious trappings, people are getting better understandings of love, and overcoming the opposition to love that is created by misguided systems. This is why it is good to look at the church as an opponent to be transformed or overcome instead of an enemy to be destroyed. All these Irish people are still technically in the church. They can't legally leave. Many Americans are in the church but their hearts aren't in it. A lot of these people and more would truly rejoin the church if it lived up to it's true ideals of love and peace and equality and charity and care for the environment. These are all the reasons I left the church as a kid and I feel I just sensed the future, that the church would eventually come around but I couldn't be a part of it in the meantime. Pope Francis is an example of the church coming around and the reason it is actually gaining members again. He has spoken out against capitalism and war and spoken up for environmentalism. It's even causing a schism between those American Catholics who believe the truth and those who can't escape conservative lies. This will ultimately weaken the Republican party by allowing increasing numbers of American Catholics to vote liberal, and when the same kind of reformation happens in the Protestant Churches the Republican party will never recover. But even Pope Francis is still not liberal enough to end celibacy of priests or allow women priests, yet. And this brings up my other point about all of this and more how it relates to Trump.
Trump does not seem to be Christian in any way, though maybe he claims to be. He does have the racist christian vote going for him, surely. A lot of these racist christian supporters of his might have gone to Ted Cruz or Rick Santorum or any of the other Republican candidates, really, and I do love Trump for hopefully ending some of their bids early. He may not stand for any actual Christian values but he does speak the loudest to the longstanding racist christian tradition, the right-wing, which is feeling the most threatened by cultural advances towards a more inclusive future. And he is also brazenly misogynist. Sexism is at the core of everything that has always gone wrong with Christianity. Trump exemplifies the psuedo-christian sexism as much as he does the psuedo-christian racism and this is just as much part of his “appeal.” Even if he is not approaching it from a Christian standpoint, that is one major slice of the demographic that supports him, people who feel their white christian nation is being corrupted by foreigners and feminists. I don't know why I haven't mentioned the overlap with the Tea Party, but I was really trying to make a point about Christianity worldwide. Pope Francis has revived the Church, especially in Latin America since he is the first Latin American Pope and was Beloved there as a Bishop. I compared my impression of South America with Ireland, imagining if the people there would ever go from 90% to 30% attendance. Not that I wanted them to, but considering the difference and of course hoping that in both places people could feel completely proud of whatever religion to which they belong. A girl on the internet from Brazil mentioned how everyone went to church but there was still common awareness of old magic and ways and some people who sought out the local witches, or would still use their kinds of cures even if they were opposed to magic. Maybe the sex abuse was not as bad in those countries and there is not as much disillusion with the Church to begin with. But I also know that some South American churches had petitioned to include the Virgin Mary in the Trinty, to expand the Trinity. And I know they have The Virgin of Guadalupe and other manifestations of the Divine Feminine. To me, this suggests their Church is already better. It may not ever need to regain a lost flock to evolve. But everything does evolve, and if there are some advantages to South American Christianity hopefully they will spread to the rest of the world. One I can imagine is a growing acceptance of magic. And I can see this happening in all countries and regions, but first in ones that are more open to the Goddess and natural magic and have indigenous people who preserve old ways. I see the Irish example as showing how much room for improvement there is, how even the strongest traditions are shaken by corruption. And their church history included a more total destruction of the native Irish beliefs, having driven “all” the snakes/ pagans from Ireland. When they didn't have more natural connection to old traditions to fall back on or fill in the gaps of their flawed church they were just feeling “left out.” Some surely have rediscovered pagan practices in absence of Christian tradition. But it looks like a majority found at least some new identity in being able to vote for gay marriage, against the catholic church. This is a wonderfully good thing, and I hope the rainbow that carries them through also takes on that magical dimension so this fairyland can find it's heart again. If two thirds of the church leaves, great changes will need to take place to regain them, or reconnect with the new traditions they join or form. Despite being more evolved in South America – liberation theology, for instance, is the best kind in Christianity – their churches still suffer from some of the same flaws of misguided Christianity and if they don't improve other belief systems will replace them. I actually envision the natural emergence of magic and goddess worship merging more harmoniously with South American Catholicism, but only if the Church opens up and changes. If it does not, I feel that inevitable growth of reverence for magic and the Goddess will form other traditions instead, but ultimately all faiths will evolve enough to get along and work well together. What won't be represented in that global community will be the beliefs of supremacy, etc, and this is where republicans need to take warning. The future is not theirs.
The main reason I'm comparing the Church in Ireland and South America in this way is to make a warning to the churches in America: accept change or whither and die. Either way you won't be able to continue being the backbone of the Republican party. Either stop doubling down on racist and bigoted agendas that support the right wing or your churches will fade into history and obscurity. Change and enter a relationship with the secular world and other faiths to help us all live in harmony together and you will thrive and live up to Jesus's vision for you.
One story on NPR was about betting on the selection of the Pope. This was the biggest bet in Rome until the Pope put and end to it by making it punishable by excommunication in 1592. Until that point inside information leaked from the Vatican to the intensely interested gambling community and public. People knew about all sorts of backdoor deals going on and who was trying to buy influence and promote whom. So according to the modern NPR reporter, to modern sensibilities, it was unfortunate that the Pope ended this because it returned these dealings to secrecy. A different story was about gambling on American politics. It said it was very popular here until the middle of last century. It also provided information to the public. But what ended it was apparently the rise of modern polling. So there was this relationship between gambling and predictive politics theme going on. They said it is also, now, illegal to gamble on politics in America but the rest of the world gambles on our elections. They said it was going to be the most stakes ever, the largest bet in history. Right now Hillary was at even odds. I don't remember Jeb's, sixteen to one or twenty to one, or something else, who cares. I remember they said a few weeks ago Trump's odds were two hundred to one. They are now sixteen to one. I don't know much about gambling but I guess if you bought a bet on Trump at two hundred to one you could sell it for more, now? I think it would be interesting to crunch all these numbers and watch trends, but I feel more like talking shit here and expecting to see it magically reflected, to create the trends. I still can't say whether this is a spell to make Trump's odds go up and down, so I guess it is guaranteed to work. Honestly I expect my intention to creep underneath the words and do some spectacular stuff.
If there was another news story that tied into these I'm forgetting it at the moment. I guess to sum up, regarding Trump, I just want to say that trying to offend all races to rally all the racists to your cause, dissing women to rally even more bigots to your cause, might help you win the Republican primary but it won't win. I kind of appreciate you doing that and handing the White House to a Democrat, but then again I don't if they don't have to earn it with the policies people truly want because the opponent is so weak. I can't go so far as to say I want to support Trump even magically, but I can be happy in a way for him “sucking up all the media oxygen.” On the one hand we don't get to talk issues, on the other his Republican opponents don't get to say anything. Or, have to say anything. Because if he wasn't looking superstupid we'd all have more time to consider how stupid the things the other ones say are. This reminds me of a news story from today about a study that showed frogs were “romantic” or made non-logical mating decisions. It was based upon mating calls that the scientists knew which were preferential. But after they frogs picked the better out of two they introduced a third, worse frog and it made the frogs pick the middle one, the one they had previously rejected as one of two. To me this says everything about Donald Trump: in the Republican field he makes us more likely to pick... oh,who knows they all completely suck besides the Ohio guy who maybe only mostly sucks, I only know he is at least cool with gay marriage. But it probably makes us more likely to pick Hillary, all around. I guess I can also hope that the Republicans will push him out, one way or another, and he will run third party, even delusional enough to think he can win, and ruin their chances. You never know, he could even win as a third party, but that is entirely scary except for the excitement of breaking up the two-party system. I just don't want him to make such a farce out of it that we don't end up with the best Democrat to make the most progress.
The three news stories I heard today were Obama commemorating the 10th Anniversary of Hurricane Katrina destroying New Orleans, a town in Texas renaming a street after Sandra Bland, and they ex-news reporter who murdered his old coworkers and posted videos of it online before killing himself at the end of a police chase. Racism, and poverty, but mostly racism, is a common thread in all of these stories. Some of the things I'm about to say might upset people but as a spell to overcome Trump I don't mind giving in to that and saying what others won't say. First, I will point out what should not be controversial, that Kanye was right and Bush didn't care about black people. His administration's response, as the French Ambassador who was at the Superdome said, was basically genocide. I'd call it genocide and attempted genocide, and done in the cheapest way possible, too. Natural disasters are the Opponent that all of us should unite to face. I think the ultimate fate of armies will be to become these disaster-response teams. But we also need to unite to end global warming, and end all the pro-oil beliefs and policies that lead to it. We have to show that we know it is not all about invading countries and taking their oil, and we need to show this by defeating Trump at the polls. If something happens to his candidacy between now and then and we don't get to vote against him then we will be weaker than we would had we defeated him by vote, but at least he will be gone. And we can be thankful to him for weakening he other Republican candidates so that we will vote against them with greater enthusiasm. Trump may claim to not need their money but his policies would serve the same trillionaire oil companies so if he's not taking their checks he's just a different kind of idiot, doing it for free. I remembered the other story: Here in Colorado the Republican Party canceled their upcoming poll to see who the most popular candidate currently is. Why would they cancel it? I can only see one reason: Trump. He is so popular right now, with almost a third of the Republican vote, with less than 15% going to any other candidate and less than 10% for their presumptive candidate, Bush. Colorado's Republicans canceling their poll shows, to me, a fear of increasing his popularity or revealing how, and in what particularly racist way, people are stupid Colorado Republicans and conservatives are. They don't want the world to know that Colorado Republicans probably favor him at like 50%, that if they took the poll here, now, it would just help him keep skyrocketting. Regardless of whether a vote here helping him would have any ultimate effect, it would go down on record how many people in the state could vote for such racism and be an embarrassment. This fear of Trump within the Republican party, and this, one of the first Party attempts I've noticed to drive him out of the race or divert his momentum, shows how they will divide and collapse.
The people at the Superdome and Convention Center a decade ago did not divide and collapse. There are stories on the radio about how everyone pulled together to pull through. If they hadn't, Bush's plan to let them die would have been far more effective. Unity wins over divisiveness. The Future IS liberal and the conservative “ideal” will be left further and further in the past. They talk about the billions (?) in federal funds to rebuild New Orleans but show while some places have been restored there is plenty of blight and residences that are still just ruins. It's not just happenstance that the places that aren't fixed up, that all that money didn't get to, are the black folks' residences: it's just a clear symbol of racism. And when we have an endless stream of Republicans who vote against disaster relief funds when things happen in other parts of the country but beg for it when it happens to them it just keeps showing how full of shit they all are, that the stream is just a sewer ditch. We will pull together and defeat these greedy, exploitative and racist wannabe “Masters.” They're scared because they know it's coming and they're talking this big game because they don't know how soon it will be, they think they can get away with another big con and cash cow for themselves like the invasion of Iraq. But War with Iran, what they are running TV ads for, now, is not a scam opportunity, it's the start of World War 3 and nuclear holocaust. We should avoid it. If we don't, maybe we will be making the decision for the world that the human race is not smart enough to deserve to continue to exist. But I don't accept that and am here to oppose it with words and magic.
I have no fear that Trump will win, besides keeping that healthy respect for American Stupidity that compels me to do all I can against that possibility. I do believe I am going to magically oppose and defeat what he stands for. It's not about defeating him, personally, like an enemy, it's about using him, as an opponent, like a tool to defeat those principles. I'm talking about Money/Greed, and Racism. These are my opponents in this magical game and as “powerful” as Greed and Racism are I intend to end them, at least to end their influence on politics. People might scoff that a Gaga-obsessed witch will be the end of Racism and Money but magically – just let me “at them”, I'll do it. Just put me “in office”, meaning, read this, and I'll fix everything. Fixing everything as Trump claims he can do with money and Ego I can really do with magic and Buddha. And you elect it just by reading this or considering and sharing liberal ideas whether you ever read this or not.
The other news story was from yesterday now as the sun is about to come up on Friday, since it took me so long to write this. The town in Texas renamed University Boulevard as Sandra Bland Boulevard. Everyone should know what this means but just in case: Sandra Bland is one of the most recent examples of police brutality to make national headlines. She supposedly killed herself after a few days in police custody and being harassed by the arresting officer as seen on dashcam. She was taken outside the view of that camera and the original release of that video seemed edited. The autopsy found she had levels of marijuana in her system that seem only possible if the cops had given her large amounts of marijuna edibles. This is effectively murder since the only deaths from weed are overdose freakout suicides and we've had some of those from people who take more edibles than they can handle. But the cops are suspect of murdering her directly, too, strangling her and saying she hung herself with a plastic bag – or even allowing her access to a plastic bag in jail. But of course the direct murder and ensuing cover-up would be the most heinous crime, if it comes out that is what happened. Some have suggested that she looks dead in her mugshot, prompting the police to release supposed video of her in her cell. But I never heard what was determined about them doctoring their video – cars in the dashcam footage would appear and disappear from thin air. Sandra Bland was not suicidal and in fact had taken a new job. This was widely reported at the time of the incident. I don't know why it “makes a difference” other than my own prejudices about “work value” that I claim to not have, but when I heard her new job was to teach at the college where she graduated it made it “that much more unlikely” she would kill herself than if it was “just a shitty job.” But it also made me wonder why it took so long to mention what the job was, because people do think more highly of educators and it's like the media did not want to have that extra layer of sympathy for her to result in more suspicion and condemnation of the police. The whole system gets caught up in perpetuating the racism. And this is where this writing turns into a curse, a curse against racism and Evil Powers and you might wanna stop reading. One thing the residents of the town said about the name change is that it will always remind the community what happened and why it's important to have better relationship between police and the citizens. But someone also mentioned how every time a cop writes a ticket on that road they will have to write her name down and remember what happened. This is true whether she ever gets justice or not – because they know the truth and how guilty they are for it whether the truth comes out or not, whether they let anyone else know or not. It will torture them more until the reveal what really happened, like the Tell-Tale Heart. In Trump terms, he is so full of himself he will feel like a real loser when he loses, and loses bad, embarrassingly. He will be reminded what a loser he is by Every Political Thing and every Hispanic or non-white person he ever sees. Every woman he sees will remind him of Megan Kelley, he'll have nightmares about her, and about what an absolute idiot he is. And we will all celebrate that the other idiots were shamed right along with him and never speak up about their racist bullshit anymore but just drink themselves to death and have shooting accidents and depression over their wives running off with their dogs and or trucks. Here's where it gets kinda “trigger-happy”: consideration for the guy who killed those newscasters the other day. I call this part “be careful who your racist against.” But I just say that to be provacative, of course the real message is “don't be racist.”
Everyone was rightfully aghast that a man would gun down a reporter and camera man in the middle of a live broadcast in Virginia. Murder is always wrong and I'm not here to “defend” the gunman. But I felt like we weren't getting the whole story, or a “whitewashed” version of the story. My intuition told me this and as more of the story came out I realized what was probably bothering me. It kind of turned out to be “just what I expected.” The news said it was a disgruntled employee. I asked “of the news network or the place where the report took place?” and the person I asked said “of the place” but somehow I knew it was an employee of the network. As this and more details came out it was more and more what my intuition had told me from the start. The Nazis were evil for killing people. The ones who actually killed the people may have been “the worst” for doing that, but the others who empowered them are guilty, too, even if they didn't directly kill anyone. The cops who kill people are evil. So are the ones who cover up their brothers' crimes, maybe just a little less. But we, the citizenry, are only slightly less evil, like your average hands-off Nazis, if we don't demand justice. In the case of the guy who killed these reporters, there is an angle no one is talking about.
I will start by putting it this way: if this man had committed suicide and left a note that it was about racism at the local TV station, it might have made the news. I'm not saying there is any justification for killing people, filming it, and posting it online. There is not, that is evil and crazy, terrorist thinking. But if we want to understand and contradict terrorist thinking and root it out and disempower it we have to be willing to consider how it happens, not just run it through a wringer of condemnation. If he had killed himself and left a note it could have raised awareness of his grievance through social media, most likely, and gotten some attention. He could have done that without killing himself, too, I'm just pointing out an alternate reality in which people would be more inclined to sympathize with him enough to see where he is coming from. People are unwilling to do that because he terrorized them. I get that. I'm just saying, the way I think and hear things, I can't help being suspicious of the accepted version of the story and have to point out some things I've noticed that the media and society seem to want to try to ignore. I forgot to mention that one news story that fit into Wednesday's “media magic” was an article I read about a local singer who got started playing for tourists in the Caribbean. She was talking about how she had become sensitive to racism in the Caribbean and how there were places you couldn't go safely and how the tourists were insulated from the locals and just trashed the place. But I was like “you didn't notice in America? Oh, right, you're from Colorado on the 'insulated' side of that, since the predominant-acting white culture here is analogous to the 'tourists'” To me this brings up the hypocrisy of the “immigration debate” when this used to be Mexico and no one is asking the Indians if they would rather the rest of us leave. I know what it is like to grow up in the South with racist institutions. And in Colorado I was expecting to find less racism but instead found it was just more blatant and directed more against Mexicans and Hispanic people since they are a greater percentage of the population. And mostly because the white people are completely unaware of white privilege and just don't even feel shame or guilt for the racism. The bad forms of Christianity have always condoned this, and we get that from Colorado Springs and fundamentalists around the state, surely. But I think an even stronger cultural factor here that makes people conservative is this idea of individualism and gun rights, the kind of folks who would eat out of Trump's hand, “ironically” or obviously, depending on how you feel about the myth of complete self-reliance. Well, and gun-reliance, if that says anything about what kind of people these are. Pretending everyone should just “do it for themselves” completely ignores the reality that the deck is stacked against some people due to race, gender, or other factors. It's just evil and inconsiderate.
Now it is more evil to murder people, surely. Even if you don't do it to them directly, oppressing people does kill them, though, and we don't want to even unwittingly be supporting a system that oppresses people. The reason I feel like I'm in the minority questioning the whole story about this shooting is that I immediately thought it was related to racism and I think it is an opportunity for us to learn valuable things about racism in order to end it. Things most people just aren't aware of. The guy who shot these people was crazy. If he was driven crazy by racism that is still no excuse, but it is important to talk about how this works. I'm just going to guess that every “muslim” terrorist, lone wolf or organized, every single one of them has not been living a life completely free of prejudice in America or Europe or India or wherever. It's not a reason to kill people, but its a factor in how this happens. I'm not blaming racism for creating terrorists but I'm saying it's a common component that links this act, this shooter, with other terrorists from America, they were all victims of racism. The news reports that his complaint was found unsubstantiated. He said the reporter had made a racist comment about or to him. They asked around the station. I'm sorry, but I've seen racism. Most of that station is white. Did I look it up? No. How do I know? Racism. Not my racist presumption, but the racism I know exists in the South. The South has a much larger proportion of black people than the rest of the country but they aren't represented in influential positions proportionately. Most of that stations employees are white and Southern dynamics are such that I can't be sure of this but it is entirely likely that either no one is really aware that something is racist, maybe think it's just a joke, or that there is enough solidarity amongst the white workers that they stuck together for the investigation. I'm not saying this happened, it's just what I suspect from living in the South and seeing things like that happen a lot. And it makes me suspicious of how they report it like the internal investigation proved a fact that he was delusional or overly-sensitive to begin with. All I have heard about his claims was that he was retaliating against the guy who shot black folks in that South Carolina church and getting revenge upon this reporter and cameraman. His beef with the cameraman is that he complained about him to Human Resources. At face value, this just shows how crazy he must be: who would kill someone over a complaint, even if it did get you fired? But that is where I notice something else. As NPR reporters interviewed other reporters they talk about how reporters and cameramen are connected “umbillicaly” by their equipment. About how close they become. They were making some point of sympathy with the victims that journalists can especially relate to, but I found myself considering sympathy for the gunman. What if the cameraman complained about him to get him fired, not for something he did other than complaining about racism from the reporter. If this is the case, it is not just a complaint, but a complaint to protect a racist system, to protect a racist within a system. And the system protects itself and “it's own” - institutionalized racism, part of the culture of the station, even if they don't mean it intentionally to be so. To hear that the cameraman was dating the producer and the reporter was engaged to the anchorman is supposed to give you more sympathy for them. Instead, I see a bunch of insiders who might have circled the wagons to protect their own from facing the consequences of being racist.
The reason I think of things this way is that due to the “media magic” of the stories the day before and my conclusion to write this to bring down Trump and all he stands for, I was focused on looking at opponents instead of enemies. The Virginia gunman – most recent Virginia gunman, I should say – had an opponent: Racism. He chose to view the reporter as an enemy and kill her as an act “against racism.” It's the same mentality ISIS terrorists have and it is just as wrong. But people don't act like that because everything is great in their lives. In this case, there IS racism. Maybe he was delusional and none of these people were against him, but someone and probably in Virginia plenty of people had been racist to him and that is hurtful. If this lady was racist towards him, if the system was racist towards him by firing him, that is no excuse to kill people. But considering that possibility you can imagine the frustration of working with someone who is racist toward you, seeking a resolution to it and getting fired instead. And if you're black or really imaginative you can see how that could compound upon a life of being victimized by racism to make someone snap. It would have been more healthy to get over the job loss and fight racism like an opponent, not an enemy. He made a statement by murdering and broadcasting, the terrorist way. We don't need to “get his message right” in the sense that such a thing is ever good to do, but if we take away the wrong message it just makes things worse. If all we conclude from this tragedy is that “crazy people imagine racism where none exists” then we will be making racism worse and people crazier. We could support Trump if we felt that way, if we ignored the experience of others. There is racism and oppression and we need to be diligent and objective about rooting it out. This is the only solution to our police problems, most immediately, but also the solution to all our social problems. We just need fair and equal protections under the law. And we claim we want that. We just don't live up to it. If we did we could move past this culture of conflict to one that has “room” for everyone. How can I be “so sure” that the reporter said something racist? Well, I'm not one hundred percent but I trust my intuition because the two possibilities that seem most likely to me aren't even being discussed: that she was unaware that what she was saying was racist, a very common problem amongst white people or she trusted the racism inherent in the system to protect her, another very common problem amongst white people. And if that is the case then it “worked”, but at the black guys expense, and ultimately backfired and didn't protect them at all, but made it worse.
I feel like I come across as the one guy who sympathizes with the murderer while everyone else is traumatized by the sanctity of their TV and facebook screens being violated by this violence. Maybe I'll say something later about how much privilege that shows while some communities suffer constant harassment and murder from the police and other racist institutions. But I am totally against murder, more so than most people. I'm bringing this up to get people to slow down their thinking and undo some conclusions they jump to. I am also in the minority of people, probably, who is glad the Aurora Theater shooter did not get the Death Penalty. One reason is that there is a black guy who is facing the death penalty for allegedly murdering people in a robbery attempt, without premeditation. It seems to me that if they gave him the death penalty it would be racist, and maybe this white guy getting life would be a high profile example that the threshhold for death must be really high unless they wanna just admit their racist in administering justice. But even as opposed to murder as I am, ideologically, I can imagine that if someone kills the theater shooter in prison and we have a trial for that person then their punishment will be a cookie and everyone will cheer. I don't like that idea, really, even though I feel the same bloodlust many people do. I would feel bad for both people and the salivating public if that happened. But it shows we “can” feel like murder is justified, in some situations. I'm trying to undo that, in myself and in the world. I just truly believe we are all better than that. We are better than War and I aim to see we end all of it. There shouldn't be a “death penalty” imposed by anyone on anyone. Not for racism at work and not even for killing other people. It's a principle, the principle of looking at people as opponents instead of enemies. We are opposed to killing and mental illness. We can work together to overcome them. We are opposed to racism and other forms of oppression. We can work together to overcome them. Together means victims and perpetrators. We are opposed to slavery. We can work together to overcome it, slaves and masters. We are against gender inequality but we can work together, men and women and everyone, to overcome it. No other option is ever a solution. The tables can turn but just flip-flopping power structures or handing them off within the same circles just makes us play the same games different ways. We need the new game that is fair to all, and we will get there, together. For all my talk of unity I won't hold back from completely shaming the “other side”, politically, because at this point in time they have condensed all the bigotry an division and just need to be shown the better way, overcoming fears so we can unite. I do hope Trump will transform, within this campaign, actually for the good, and apologize for his past racism and misguided vision. That would mean a complete overhaul of the way he perceives and presents himself, but anything is possible. If it happens it would be magic and I'll take the credit for predicting or manifesting it here.
But Trump and all he represents is coming to an end one way or another. I will see it through, magically, here. No one deserves to die. This is why it is so evil to oppress people: bigoted beliefs and systems that deprive people of rights and ultimately life. But evil doesn't even justify killing an oppressor. The racist and the victim are both victims of Racism. If the news reporters had gotten together to Oppose racism instead of trying to cover it up, for instance, they would both be alive now and maybe even gotten an amazing, inspiring story out of it that could teach others to not be racist, even when they weren't aware they were being racist. The Oppressor and oppressed are both victims of oppression. Yes, of course, in different ways and the cultural norm appears to be it's preferable to be an oppressor. Basically the “worldly empowered” have power of wealth and famine of spirit while the impoverished might be famished but have all the spirit the greedy have lost. The real power is on our side. “Blessed are the poor” is not just a ruse to keep proles complacent, its a warning that we have blessings, magic, and the worldly powers don't stand a chance against that, once we get it going. We are blessed with the Future, the future is ours, for the kids. “Children, children, Future, future” as the Simpsons parodied a probably cool kids choir song. How will the whole Trump phenomenon end? I don't know, but something magical. A change of heart on his part would leave all his admirers wondering what to do, left stuck with their racism conflicting with their need to idolize him. They'd probably just go to Cruz Control if he's still around by then. “A Cuban, a Canadian and a white supremacist walk into a bar. Bartender says 'What'll it be, Senator Cruz?'” But I kind of see Trump playing this role to the end and getting to be ashamed for the rest of his life for being a loser and revealing the rest of the losers, while knowing he was the instrument by which the whole party crumbled. He deserves that. He doesn't deserve death, but I would be negligent if I don't mention El Chapo while talking about Trump. I hope I won't have to say anything else about Trump, he just won't come up, but he probably will. And I hope it's just funny, or even more incredibly revealing of the bigoted nature of Republican ideals. I still feel like Syria is the last war, as I predicted years ago, but I can't seem to hit the magic note to stop it. Trump might linger on, too, in that way, even after this spell. But just in case, I want to make fun of him some more.
The reason I say “no one deserves to be killed” and “no one should be racist, or at least watch out who you're racist towards” is because of this social dynamic where people do think some deserve to die yet we ignore some of the worst injustices, even the ones that lead people to become murderous in the first place. I'm not saying racists don't have a right to their beliefs and even to vote based on them, but we need to call it what it is and try to educate people how hurtful it is, for their own good and everyone elses. There was a guy shot and killed in a bar in Athens when I lived there. He was visiting from the other school during a football game, from Tennessee or Kentucky. I got the idea he was a white guy, frat guy, I assumed, in a club with mostly black folks. He was shot with a hundred people standing around but no witnesses and I guess it went unsolved. My impression is he called someone a racist name. No, he didn't deserve to die for that, but he lost sympathy from people as a human being by devaluing them. Trump started his campaign by talking shit about Mexicans, like the total asshole he is. El Chapo escaped from Prison, or, I imagine some see it as Mexico let him out to go after Trump. I heard he tweeted a pic of himself in front of a Trump building with a threat, but maybe that was an internet hoax. I do know he made the news by offering a one hundred million dollar reward to anyone who kills Trump. This makes me laugh so much. I'm not mentioning it to make it magically happen – like I said, I'm totally against murder. If it does happen it is not part of the magic intended here, but I could accept it as “getting what he deserves.” Again, not that anyone deserves to die but there are fatal levels of stupidity. He's stupid for two reasons, mainly, in this regard. He's stupid for being racist, as all racists are, but extra stupid for being so prominent about it and dredging up all the animosity in the first place. I know he is doing that for “ratings” but that's because he only cares about folks who agree with him and is not even considerate of how mean he's being to everyone else. He's also stupid for thinking his wealth, or even Secret Service as a candidate, can protect him. I guess the reason I laugh about it is because after all his bragging about wealth he has almost ten billion dollars yet the idea is it only costs 100 million to kill him, and of course that is just arbitrary since plenty of people would do it for free. But there's just something poetic about that number, so much money to so many people, “chump change” to Trump, but by one estimate “what he is worth.” Instead, media will get hundreds of millions from Trump to allow him to keep revealing what assholes he and the entire republican party are. He may be an easier beat than Jeb or Carly or whoever, and I guess I'd rather have a weaker Democrat from having faced a weaker opponent than a chance he or any Republican could win. Then again, if he stands in the way of who they really want, they will probably kill him themselves. I think of Ted Cruz like Grima Wormtongue and Trump like Sauruman, with Jeb Sauron, in this analogy.
I will leave it at that – hopeful. I didn't have anything to say about Gaga this time. I hope she is preparing to announce her next album, it seems soon according to some chronological patterns. So I will call this like the calm before the next storm. I do believe she is present with me in everything, through love, guiding me to not give in to hatred and ill intentions for people, even republicans. I remember her expressing support for Hillary to be president at an event honoring Bill. I hope we can all get behind someone soon and it will be interesting to see how she is involved in the campaign or what signals she sends during it. It may be that we get a better, more liberal option. But if Hillary is destined to be our first woman president, hopefully all our involvement in the process leading up to that can empower and embolden her to pursue the most progressive agenda. We don't really need good opposition from the “other side” to get the best candidate, we can write them off as a distraction, especially if we do our own thing and move forward based upon the success and promise of our ideals. Despite what the polls show, I feel certain that if Obama had campaigned in the last midterm with state democrats it would have shifted the public mood and retained Democratic control of congress. Though the important educational function of betting has been replaced by polling in America we are letting ourselves be victims of the mechanical workings of attitudes based upon the past instead of leading public opinion to better conclusions by the life-giving liberation of attitudes based upon hope for the future. Even our Democratic governor, Hickenlooper, who is pretty cool about weed, way better than the alternatives who want to shut it down, even he got in the way of a voter-initiative ballot measure to ban frakking. He could say screw off to the old energy industry and go all in with a new green economy but I guess he was playing it politically safe. It's time to move forwards to the future and the only possible one includes living in harmony with nature instead of abusing it. Obama passed more clean air laws and the energy companies are running ads against them. The Republicans are running ads claiming its okay and not shameful to be republican. And Evil is running ads for going to World War 3 with Iran. Don't believe any of these ads!
Voting does actually matter. Even if Trump gets the nomination, or runs third party, or regardless of the outcome, no matter how little chance they have to win we still should all proudly vote against them to increase the embarassment and speed of their downfall. We need to move past the rule of force and fear and accept and build a future based on justice and equality. Trump is such a great tool for being able to point out all that is wrong with the Republicans and hopefully stands as the Godian knot that will end them all once he's cut. Hopefully the ride will be more funhouse than house of horros, but if we show our belief in the dreamworld the nightmare world won't come to pass.
Friday, August 28, 2015
Thursday, August 13, 2015
gagablog 88: Sexxx Dreams Wake-Up Call: "Newsflash! Salman Rushdie Agrees: 'Oz is Real!' So Do It!"
I realize I've been making a mistake with the Gagablog for two years now, since Artpop came out. For the whole “Getting it Wrong” series, anyway. It came to me in the last couple of days, and since struggling so much with Sexxx Dreams, but became especially clear to me as I heard that song again, just now, before starting this.
Sexxx Dreams isn't just about having sex dreams and what they are about, what they “mean.” None of Artpop is “only” about what it means, but about the experience of it. It's Art. Yes, it means things, and many things to many people, and all of that is good, but that is not all it is “about.” Trying to analyze Sexxx Dreams became an analogy for this. Now I feel like I figured it out a little more, not the “meaning” but the same nature everything has as a magical puzzle. And having “solved” this puzzle I hope it will always be a reminder to me to help my awareness when enjoying and making art.
I realized this time, listening to Sexxx Dreams, that it is not just about having dreams, but very much about telling the person, in real life, about having dreams about them. Just thinking about what this realization means, magically, to me, turns my mind and reality inside out to fit the magic style I've discovered, which is my favorite kind. Thanks, Gaga. And she said it was like homemade acid, like a trip, yet instead of taking it I've been holding myself back by just talking about it.
I started a fairy tale on March 20th of this year and forgot about it. I read it and continued it this morning. It's going really well, but I couldn't resist interrupting it to write this, instead, after I put Artpop on. I will get back to it, soon, I hope – it's really good. “This edition”, Gagablog 88, has undergone some transformations in this last week that I think Illustrate the magical transformation I am going through, myself.
In general, my ongoing idea for the “next gagablog” has been, for months now, it seems, to write about Sexxx Dreams. Then I was displeased with how my last one turned out. This coincides with disappointment socially and on social media and with not making more progress as an artist, writer, and musician even though I have been making more progress than I have in many years, lately. But I haven't really gone for it. Really going for it is an analogy not for just having sex dreams or writing them down, but for telling someone, “hey, last night, I was thinking about you...”. So when I got upset with myself for not making my point well, last time I had this idea: Make Gagablog 88 an index were I go back over all the previous editions and give a summary or decoder version. This is what a mind will do, and maybe I will do it, sometime.
For now, I will just say all I was really trying to say in the last edition is that everything that keeps us apart is based on “smaller” and “larger” versions of the idea of “others” - especially of people as “others”. But as I write this, listening to “Swine”, I can't help but recall a cartoon I saw the other day with a cat and a dog looking sad on one side of a table saying “and if the humans hurt or mistreat us they can go to jail” and some farm animals on the other side with pleading looks wishing they could get that respect and protection. The idea of “others”, that some aren't as good or “count” as much, is the source of all problems. What if our respect for each other was literally based on how much we “counted”, so The Count, Count Von Count, would be the most popular and powerful person in the world? Wait, we don't have something like that with money, do we? “Ba-dump-Trump.”
Anyway, I don't think I will do an index. What happened was magic – between typing those sentences Gaga sang “listen to he radiate her magic.” Not yet anyway. What happened was magic, the kind of media magic I' ve been writing about here, all along. Pure Fairy-Tech-Art-Media magic. It was August 12th, 2105, yesterday, literally. But it was August 12th some decades ago that the magic “began.” Thanks to a new TV network, “Decades” I heard the story yesterday at 5 AM, as the meteor shower faded away and the sun came up (“Married to the stars, I own the world, we own the world..I feel on top of the world.” she just sang behinf those lines) We didn't see any shooting stars, but one reason is I didn't go back out due to watching the program on Decades about the premiere of the Wizard of Oz. I just “happened” to find it, flipping around. This network apparently does a “news” show about what happened on Today's Date throughout history. The big story for this one was the Premiere of The Wizard of Oz movie.
Oz is such a foundation for all my magical belief, I could go off on a thousand tangents. But I will focus on two points, the premiere and Salman Rushdie. The movie was originally released to one town, in Wisconsin, I think. It was only on there, for a whole week, before national release, possibly as a test market. It was a small town, I think they said tickets were 20 and 40 cents, and in that week it made 3000 dollars. Which I guess means about 10,000 people saw it that week, if I have the numbers right. A big hit! But it's funny that they would have to test it, the movie that would be one of the most influential in American culture, in the world. I was reminded of this “funniness” this morning when listening to Artpop. I remembered Gaga saying she always wanted to sing with electronic music – I thought she always was doing that, basically, before Artpop, but I guess Artpop is “more” electronic versus previous records being “more pop” (?). Anyway, it seems like Artpop was not the “huge hit” that her previous albums were and it reminded me of this “funniness” about the Wizard of Oz premiere.
First I want to say that Artpop is such an amazing album, I love it as much as all of Gaga's art. I think it didn't have the same sales impact as her earlier albums and has not yet had the same cultural impact, and I think this is mostly due to the music industry, honestly. I don't want to say too much about it and get side-tracked but I will say it is like letting a genie out of a bottle and thinking they could control it, finding out differently and trying to put it back in a “marketing” bottle. Gaga just transcends all of that like Magic transcends Reality, though. Magically I think there is meaning to Artpop having a relatively “limited” audience, at first, and then it's full influence being felt and developed over time, like the Wizard of Oz. And both are still “Big Hits” in their “early days” but that won't compare to their full influence. This is the “funniness” they share. What was a week for Oz in a “limted, local audience” and for those who flocked to see it, who knew, heard, or could sense it was something special, has been two years for Artpop. And Artpop has been a huge hit, especially “in the monster community.” But I know, I can sense, that time will show a much fuller influence. It is the kind of thing, like Oz, that grows over decades.
I won't go off on more Gaga-Oz tangents but save them for my upcoming book. I will say that I felt justified and encouraged to write that book by one more “news” item they mentioned on Decades in relation to Oz. I don't know if he said something about it on the same date or this aspect was just magically included in the piece about Oz, but I had never heard anything about Salman Rushdie and Oz before. Watching this program was already renewing my desire to write my Oz-Gaga magic book, I took it as a sign that I should at least write this gagablog about the Oz premiere. But when he brought up Rushdie I decided it was more like a message, an order from Oz. If you've followed any of my writings you know I believe Oz is real and calling to us as from “The Future” - it is a paradise future waiting for us and giving us clues how to get there. I've always felt this way and thought it was obvious from reading the books. But one focus of my Oz-Gaga book was about how the popularity of the movie version misled people into thinking it was a fairyland of dreams or imagination instead of a real place, the real place. So when I hear that Salman Rushdie also wrote about Oz being real I feel validated and encouraged to write about the magic of it, about how we get there. It's encouraging because he is so highly regarded and I think many people consider him a genius. It's also encouraging that he was the person they mentioned who “believed” this but I've never really heard anyone else's ideas on this subject before. It almost seemed like he is one of the only ones so far who has come forward with this idea. I'm very curious to read what he's already written about it but at the same time I feel certain I have much more to say, and this just makes me feel a new kind of pressure, a rivalry, to spur me on to writing.
I want to write about Oz being real, about the clues to get there, to dispelling illusions that hold us back, and about how Gaga is the key to it all, to transforming the world into Oz. I literally “can't wait” to write about that, anymore. And I have been stalling, in ways, by writing this and talking with folks on facebook – but not entirely stalling, there are things I have learned and accomplished here and there in that time. But the only things “holding me back”, now, from writing that book, besides regular daily obligations, are other art projects, making music, drawing, and writing stories. All of which I am doing more of, following the Yellow Brick Road / Glitter way again, finally. And I can say I am glad it took me this long to start the book, always refining the ideas in my head, but also it took me, in my life, until yesterday to learn that Salman Rushdie believes in Oz, and that he may still be one of the few who “get it”, so far.
I was just thinking of the title for this and came up with “Newsflash! Salman Rushdie Agrees! 'Oz is Real!'” - then a few seconds later I heard Woody Woodpecker in a cartoon downstairs say “Newsflash!” so I guess that settles it. I was wondering if there was some other “news”, from yesterday 2015, August 12th, that would be another fun theme to include here. I can't recall, or if I even heard the news. Maybe something about establishing safe zones in Syria. But I guess I get too caught up in how a personal, media, social, or internal events can magically relate to a World Event. I like to focus on it to point it out to people because it would be fun to talk about, but the truth is I already “believe” in this kind of magic plenty. I am only holding myself back from using it by doing this, by insisting on having someone to work with who wants to change the world with art, too. And I am so very fortunate that my friend is making music with me, now. It's like floodgates opening and my drawing and writing are coming back to life, too. And I don't have to worry about whether or not he has the same magical understanding of music I do, though he probably does, but it does not have to be a discussion that holds us back from actually making the music.
This has been my revelation, for today, about Sexxx Dreams: “Do it!” It's no simple irony that Shia is going Super-Saiyan, these days. It's magic. It's not all about the dreaming. Dreaming is amazing, and if you can get into it, wonderful. I wish I could remember my dreams more, write more of them down, including daydreams – I feel it is my path, one of them. But don't get too caught up in analyzing dreams that you don't enjoy them or go further with them, like I have been doing too often in the gagablog. And don't get too caught up in the dreaming to do something about them, to make them come true, at least by writing them down. I feel the way this “happened” to me shows me how Sexxx Dreams works, at least how it works in helping solve the magical puzzle that is Me, today. I get so caught up in the dreaming that I forget to say something, forget to do anything about it. When I thought about that song, hearing it in my head started replacing “hearing” it, even when I was listening to it. All this analyzing had drowned out the immediate effect of it. Instead of relating to Gaga, through her art, instead of experiencing her art, purely, I have been allowing myself to indulge in my fantasies about it and not fully opening myself up for it to change me by experiencing it each time. Too worried about what I will say about it, like an art critic. Maybe if an art critic reads this it will help him. But Gaga declares at the end, during Applause, that she's here to crash, or help us crash, the critic's Judgment. I got crashed and I'm so happy about it. Just hearing how sexy Gaga's voice is, in every song, but as I listened to Sexxx Dreams this morning it was like it woke me out of my own long, foggy dream. She was talking, telling me, telling someone, something. She was doing it, she is doing it, not just dreaming about it or writing about dreaming about it.
So the other “personal/social/media/magic” event that took place yesterday was I finally watched a cartoon, Madoka Magica, that I promised to watch probably years ago and promised again the day before yesterday. I watched it. The person who recommended it to me is a deep mystery to me, a little monster in Paris, I think, my longest-standing or possibly only real facebook friend. And I mean “real friend”, since I have no idea how real she is. But she has really been there for me and talked with me for years, so she is really my friend on facebook far more than anyone else I've ever met there. And I finally watched one of her favorite shows and I really like it. I've only seen the first 4 episodes, so far, but it makes me think I have been “inside out” in some of my ideas about magic, even though my magical ideas generally involve turning parts of the world inside out to reveal magic. I guess it is like I am myself going through that transition, to a greater type of magic in a more magically revealed world. Like I am finally playing my part. It makes me think I have to go ahead and do it instead of talking about it, and once I do, once I make that magical contract to enter the real world of magic and art, I will have many surprising, adventurous new challenges before me. I just have to stop holding myself back.
But it's not about writing about the virtues of plays or the necessity of roles, for me, any more. It's not about talking anyone into agreeing with me or doing it with me. It's about acting, about making the magic, for everyone, for the other actors, the audience, making the scenery come to life and an occurrence for the whole world. I hope some of my writing here can spur someone on, inspire someone to do something creative and make more magic in their own lives. But I really want to make the art myself, to bring fairies to life for people through drawing and writing, to play magic on people and invite them to make their own with music. Gaga has shown me how, and with all my gratitude to her and desire to show others what she does for me, the best way is not by talking about it but by doing it.
This 88th gagablog is all about wrapping it up, more than all the other times before, and also about how it goes on forever. Because there is always more to say, Art is eternal and describing the pursuit of it spins off infinite tales. But it is the Art itself that is that timeless stream. I've been running along the banks and splashing across it at times but it's time for me to dive in and swim. I've kept this up because it's so comfortable to keep dreaming and talking about the dreams. Living the dream is a scary, wonderful adventure. I've been holding back, like testing the waters or wondering what people will think. I've decided to stop focusing on reactions, on the mind and what my mind or others minds make of art. I've chosen to get into the art that I truly am, without regard for those perceptions. It's time to be me, to live my dreams fully so my dreams and my life fully come to life. I felt ashamed of myself for walking along, only occasionally making art or music, when I saw Gaga in concert last year and she said “if you have a dream chase it like the fastest horse you ever saw.” I want to start doing that, to chase down more of my best and fastest dreams, to make more and more art by diving into the stream of it instead of just playing on the banks. Thanks, Gaga, for the fantastic dreams, and thanks for waking me up, Mother Monster. I love you, have a fabulous day!
After I wrote this I went shopping. I'm about to read over it now and post it, but a couple of things happened since I went to the store. I've been wanting a copy of the Munchkin card game but never got it, then saw the new one, Munchkin Oz, and it was five dollars off, so I got it. Just a coincidence with talking about Oz earlier, surely. And at the thrift store I saw a couple of plush dolls of the Scarecrow and Tin Man, and they were nice but I couldn't justify spending I think 7 dollars each on them. They looked like they were from the 70's or 80's, though. The most magical thing that happened was I was in my back yard and saw an eagle or hawk, but a really big bird, flying a little ways off, behind a tree across the street. I wished I could see her again and then she circled around in a wide arc and cried out. A few moments later I saw either her or possibly her children, three hawks flying together. They were coming towards me from the right, but were very close. They actually flew right over my house, and one of them caught a wind current directly over my house, just a few feet from the top of the roof, and was just sitting there for a few seconds. Then it turned and I saw it's wings all spread out above me and they all flew off to the west.
I wished I had my camera to take a picture of it. When I first saw them coming I thought to go get it, but if I had, I would have missed the actual view of the hawk over my house. I see hawks or eagles almost every time I go on a hike, so much that I expect them. I have seen them around the house a few times recently. I hope to see them again, but this was such a cool, close-up view I can't expect to ever see something like that again. I would have liked to take a picture, or video, of it, but I'm happy to have seen it because I will always remember that. This, to me, is a pretty example of living in the moment and enjoying things without worrying about recording it. But also a reminder to keep a camera handy. Still, recording it here does immortalize the moment, in a way. But more importantly, looking out for things like that, hoping for magical signs and taking thr meaning from this that I'm “on the right track”, is something that I hope does turn into immortal stories and songs and art to share with everyone. I've had some struggles drawing Gaga and maybe now I am ready, for example. Or maybe I need to carry out the plan I've had of drawing some monsters I know, to get my drawing style going. Either way, it's time to start doing things and not holding myself back anymore.
Sexxx Dreams isn't just about having sex dreams and what they are about, what they “mean.” None of Artpop is “only” about what it means, but about the experience of it. It's Art. Yes, it means things, and many things to many people, and all of that is good, but that is not all it is “about.” Trying to analyze Sexxx Dreams became an analogy for this. Now I feel like I figured it out a little more, not the “meaning” but the same nature everything has as a magical puzzle. And having “solved” this puzzle I hope it will always be a reminder to me to help my awareness when enjoying and making art.
I realized this time, listening to Sexxx Dreams, that it is not just about having dreams, but very much about telling the person, in real life, about having dreams about them. Just thinking about what this realization means, magically, to me, turns my mind and reality inside out to fit the magic style I've discovered, which is my favorite kind. Thanks, Gaga. And she said it was like homemade acid, like a trip, yet instead of taking it I've been holding myself back by just talking about it.
I started a fairy tale on March 20th of this year and forgot about it. I read it and continued it this morning. It's going really well, but I couldn't resist interrupting it to write this, instead, after I put Artpop on. I will get back to it, soon, I hope – it's really good. “This edition”, Gagablog 88, has undergone some transformations in this last week that I think Illustrate the magical transformation I am going through, myself.
In general, my ongoing idea for the “next gagablog” has been, for months now, it seems, to write about Sexxx Dreams. Then I was displeased with how my last one turned out. This coincides with disappointment socially and on social media and with not making more progress as an artist, writer, and musician even though I have been making more progress than I have in many years, lately. But I haven't really gone for it. Really going for it is an analogy not for just having sex dreams or writing them down, but for telling someone, “hey, last night, I was thinking about you...”. So when I got upset with myself for not making my point well, last time I had this idea: Make Gagablog 88 an index were I go back over all the previous editions and give a summary or decoder version. This is what a mind will do, and maybe I will do it, sometime.
For now, I will just say all I was really trying to say in the last edition is that everything that keeps us apart is based on “smaller” and “larger” versions of the idea of “others” - especially of people as “others”. But as I write this, listening to “Swine”, I can't help but recall a cartoon I saw the other day with a cat and a dog looking sad on one side of a table saying “and if the humans hurt or mistreat us they can go to jail” and some farm animals on the other side with pleading looks wishing they could get that respect and protection. The idea of “others”, that some aren't as good or “count” as much, is the source of all problems. What if our respect for each other was literally based on how much we “counted”, so The Count, Count Von Count, would be the most popular and powerful person in the world? Wait, we don't have something like that with money, do we? “Ba-dump-Trump.”
Anyway, I don't think I will do an index. What happened was magic – between typing those sentences Gaga sang “listen to he radiate her magic.” Not yet anyway. What happened was magic, the kind of media magic I' ve been writing about here, all along. Pure Fairy-Tech-Art-Media magic. It was August 12th, 2105, yesterday, literally. But it was August 12th some decades ago that the magic “began.” Thanks to a new TV network, “Decades” I heard the story yesterday at 5 AM, as the meteor shower faded away and the sun came up (“Married to the stars, I own the world, we own the world..I feel on top of the world.” she just sang behinf those lines) We didn't see any shooting stars, but one reason is I didn't go back out due to watching the program on Decades about the premiere of the Wizard of Oz. I just “happened” to find it, flipping around. This network apparently does a “news” show about what happened on Today's Date throughout history. The big story for this one was the Premiere of The Wizard of Oz movie.
Oz is such a foundation for all my magical belief, I could go off on a thousand tangents. But I will focus on two points, the premiere and Salman Rushdie. The movie was originally released to one town, in Wisconsin, I think. It was only on there, for a whole week, before national release, possibly as a test market. It was a small town, I think they said tickets were 20 and 40 cents, and in that week it made 3000 dollars. Which I guess means about 10,000 people saw it that week, if I have the numbers right. A big hit! But it's funny that they would have to test it, the movie that would be one of the most influential in American culture, in the world. I was reminded of this “funniness” this morning when listening to Artpop. I remembered Gaga saying she always wanted to sing with electronic music – I thought she always was doing that, basically, before Artpop, but I guess Artpop is “more” electronic versus previous records being “more pop” (?). Anyway, it seems like Artpop was not the “huge hit” that her previous albums were and it reminded me of this “funniness” about the Wizard of Oz premiere.
First I want to say that Artpop is such an amazing album, I love it as much as all of Gaga's art. I think it didn't have the same sales impact as her earlier albums and has not yet had the same cultural impact, and I think this is mostly due to the music industry, honestly. I don't want to say too much about it and get side-tracked but I will say it is like letting a genie out of a bottle and thinking they could control it, finding out differently and trying to put it back in a “marketing” bottle. Gaga just transcends all of that like Magic transcends Reality, though. Magically I think there is meaning to Artpop having a relatively “limited” audience, at first, and then it's full influence being felt and developed over time, like the Wizard of Oz. And both are still “Big Hits” in their “early days” but that won't compare to their full influence. This is the “funniness” they share. What was a week for Oz in a “limted, local audience” and for those who flocked to see it, who knew, heard, or could sense it was something special, has been two years for Artpop. And Artpop has been a huge hit, especially “in the monster community.” But I know, I can sense, that time will show a much fuller influence. It is the kind of thing, like Oz, that grows over decades.
I won't go off on more Gaga-Oz tangents but save them for my upcoming book. I will say that I felt justified and encouraged to write that book by one more “news” item they mentioned on Decades in relation to Oz. I don't know if he said something about it on the same date or this aspect was just magically included in the piece about Oz, but I had never heard anything about Salman Rushdie and Oz before. Watching this program was already renewing my desire to write my Oz-Gaga magic book, I took it as a sign that I should at least write this gagablog about the Oz premiere. But when he brought up Rushdie I decided it was more like a message, an order from Oz. If you've followed any of my writings you know I believe Oz is real and calling to us as from “The Future” - it is a paradise future waiting for us and giving us clues how to get there. I've always felt this way and thought it was obvious from reading the books. But one focus of my Oz-Gaga book was about how the popularity of the movie version misled people into thinking it was a fairyland of dreams or imagination instead of a real place, the real place. So when I hear that Salman Rushdie also wrote about Oz being real I feel validated and encouraged to write about the magic of it, about how we get there. It's encouraging because he is so highly regarded and I think many people consider him a genius. It's also encouraging that he was the person they mentioned who “believed” this but I've never really heard anyone else's ideas on this subject before. It almost seemed like he is one of the only ones so far who has come forward with this idea. I'm very curious to read what he's already written about it but at the same time I feel certain I have much more to say, and this just makes me feel a new kind of pressure, a rivalry, to spur me on to writing.
I want to write about Oz being real, about the clues to get there, to dispelling illusions that hold us back, and about how Gaga is the key to it all, to transforming the world into Oz. I literally “can't wait” to write about that, anymore. And I have been stalling, in ways, by writing this and talking with folks on facebook – but not entirely stalling, there are things I have learned and accomplished here and there in that time. But the only things “holding me back”, now, from writing that book, besides regular daily obligations, are other art projects, making music, drawing, and writing stories. All of which I am doing more of, following the Yellow Brick Road / Glitter way again, finally. And I can say I am glad it took me this long to start the book, always refining the ideas in my head, but also it took me, in my life, until yesterday to learn that Salman Rushdie believes in Oz, and that he may still be one of the few who “get it”, so far.
I was just thinking of the title for this and came up with “Newsflash! Salman Rushdie Agrees! 'Oz is Real!'” - then a few seconds later I heard Woody Woodpecker in a cartoon downstairs say “Newsflash!” so I guess that settles it. I was wondering if there was some other “news”, from yesterday 2015, August 12th, that would be another fun theme to include here. I can't recall, or if I even heard the news. Maybe something about establishing safe zones in Syria. But I guess I get too caught up in how a personal, media, social, or internal events can magically relate to a World Event. I like to focus on it to point it out to people because it would be fun to talk about, but the truth is I already “believe” in this kind of magic plenty. I am only holding myself back from using it by doing this, by insisting on having someone to work with who wants to change the world with art, too. And I am so very fortunate that my friend is making music with me, now. It's like floodgates opening and my drawing and writing are coming back to life, too. And I don't have to worry about whether or not he has the same magical understanding of music I do, though he probably does, but it does not have to be a discussion that holds us back from actually making the music.
This has been my revelation, for today, about Sexxx Dreams: “Do it!” It's no simple irony that Shia is going Super-Saiyan, these days. It's magic. It's not all about the dreaming. Dreaming is amazing, and if you can get into it, wonderful. I wish I could remember my dreams more, write more of them down, including daydreams – I feel it is my path, one of them. But don't get too caught up in analyzing dreams that you don't enjoy them or go further with them, like I have been doing too often in the gagablog. And don't get too caught up in the dreaming to do something about them, to make them come true, at least by writing them down. I feel the way this “happened” to me shows me how Sexxx Dreams works, at least how it works in helping solve the magical puzzle that is Me, today. I get so caught up in the dreaming that I forget to say something, forget to do anything about it. When I thought about that song, hearing it in my head started replacing “hearing” it, even when I was listening to it. All this analyzing had drowned out the immediate effect of it. Instead of relating to Gaga, through her art, instead of experiencing her art, purely, I have been allowing myself to indulge in my fantasies about it and not fully opening myself up for it to change me by experiencing it each time. Too worried about what I will say about it, like an art critic. Maybe if an art critic reads this it will help him. But Gaga declares at the end, during Applause, that she's here to crash, or help us crash, the critic's Judgment. I got crashed and I'm so happy about it. Just hearing how sexy Gaga's voice is, in every song, but as I listened to Sexxx Dreams this morning it was like it woke me out of my own long, foggy dream. She was talking, telling me, telling someone, something. She was doing it, she is doing it, not just dreaming about it or writing about dreaming about it.
So the other “personal/social/media/magic” event that took place yesterday was I finally watched a cartoon, Madoka Magica, that I promised to watch probably years ago and promised again the day before yesterday. I watched it. The person who recommended it to me is a deep mystery to me, a little monster in Paris, I think, my longest-standing or possibly only real facebook friend. And I mean “real friend”, since I have no idea how real she is. But she has really been there for me and talked with me for years, so she is really my friend on facebook far more than anyone else I've ever met there. And I finally watched one of her favorite shows and I really like it. I've only seen the first 4 episodes, so far, but it makes me think I have been “inside out” in some of my ideas about magic, even though my magical ideas generally involve turning parts of the world inside out to reveal magic. I guess it is like I am myself going through that transition, to a greater type of magic in a more magically revealed world. Like I am finally playing my part. It makes me think I have to go ahead and do it instead of talking about it, and once I do, once I make that magical contract to enter the real world of magic and art, I will have many surprising, adventurous new challenges before me. I just have to stop holding myself back.
But it's not about writing about the virtues of plays or the necessity of roles, for me, any more. It's not about talking anyone into agreeing with me or doing it with me. It's about acting, about making the magic, for everyone, for the other actors, the audience, making the scenery come to life and an occurrence for the whole world. I hope some of my writing here can spur someone on, inspire someone to do something creative and make more magic in their own lives. But I really want to make the art myself, to bring fairies to life for people through drawing and writing, to play magic on people and invite them to make their own with music. Gaga has shown me how, and with all my gratitude to her and desire to show others what she does for me, the best way is not by talking about it but by doing it.
This 88th gagablog is all about wrapping it up, more than all the other times before, and also about how it goes on forever. Because there is always more to say, Art is eternal and describing the pursuit of it spins off infinite tales. But it is the Art itself that is that timeless stream. I've been running along the banks and splashing across it at times but it's time for me to dive in and swim. I've kept this up because it's so comfortable to keep dreaming and talking about the dreams. Living the dream is a scary, wonderful adventure. I've been holding back, like testing the waters or wondering what people will think. I've decided to stop focusing on reactions, on the mind and what my mind or others minds make of art. I've chosen to get into the art that I truly am, without regard for those perceptions. It's time to be me, to live my dreams fully so my dreams and my life fully come to life. I felt ashamed of myself for walking along, only occasionally making art or music, when I saw Gaga in concert last year and she said “if you have a dream chase it like the fastest horse you ever saw.” I want to start doing that, to chase down more of my best and fastest dreams, to make more and more art by diving into the stream of it instead of just playing on the banks. Thanks, Gaga, for the fantastic dreams, and thanks for waking me up, Mother Monster. I love you, have a fabulous day!
After I wrote this I went shopping. I'm about to read over it now and post it, but a couple of things happened since I went to the store. I've been wanting a copy of the Munchkin card game but never got it, then saw the new one, Munchkin Oz, and it was five dollars off, so I got it. Just a coincidence with talking about Oz earlier, surely. And at the thrift store I saw a couple of plush dolls of the Scarecrow and Tin Man, and they were nice but I couldn't justify spending I think 7 dollars each on them. They looked like they were from the 70's or 80's, though. The most magical thing that happened was I was in my back yard and saw an eagle or hawk, but a really big bird, flying a little ways off, behind a tree across the street. I wished I could see her again and then she circled around in a wide arc and cried out. A few moments later I saw either her or possibly her children, three hawks flying together. They were coming towards me from the right, but were very close. They actually flew right over my house, and one of them caught a wind current directly over my house, just a few feet from the top of the roof, and was just sitting there for a few seconds. Then it turned and I saw it's wings all spread out above me and they all flew off to the west.
I wished I had my camera to take a picture of it. When I first saw them coming I thought to go get it, but if I had, I would have missed the actual view of the hawk over my house. I see hawks or eagles almost every time I go on a hike, so much that I expect them. I have seen them around the house a few times recently. I hope to see them again, but this was such a cool, close-up view I can't expect to ever see something like that again. I would have liked to take a picture, or video, of it, but I'm happy to have seen it because I will always remember that. This, to me, is a pretty example of living in the moment and enjoying things without worrying about recording it. But also a reminder to keep a camera handy. Still, recording it here does immortalize the moment, in a way. But more importantly, looking out for things like that, hoping for magical signs and taking thr meaning from this that I'm “on the right track”, is something that I hope does turn into immortal stories and songs and art to share with everyone. I've had some struggles drawing Gaga and maybe now I am ready, for example. Or maybe I need to carry out the plan I've had of drawing some monsters I know, to get my drawing style going. Either way, it's time to start doing things and not holding myself back anymore.
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Gagablog 87: “Sexxx Dreams” – Nicki Minaj, Iran-Turkey-ISIS, Fidel Castro
*LOOK FOR MEDIA MAGIC PART STARTING WITH ALL-CAPS PHRASE BELOW* I first heard Gaga's “Just Dance” on the radio in 2008 and knew she was magic and something special. I was already suspicious she was the icon I had been expecting for decades by the time I heard “Poker Face” and it convinced me, but when I saw her perform for the first time, “Papparazzi” on the VMAs, I knew she was truly the real Savior Goddess I always hoped for, transforming the world into the paradise it is to become. And I just knew these things, intuitively, from my earliest experiences with her and she continually fulfills my dreams and exceeds my hopes.
I had a similar experience when I first saw Nicki Minaj, when she was performing with another rapper on Dave Letterman's show. It seems like it was just a few months or a year or so before her own career took off. I saw her talent and beauty and was certainly impressed but it was something about her look, her expressions, that made me just know and say immediately “she's gonna be really big, like the biggest star in rap and pop music.” I feel like that feeling has been proven true by her career. She's really fantastically beautiful to me, like a Goddess, too. Her face is perfectly beautiful but the impact of her expressions shows fierce and passionate and loving spirit. She's a great artist musically and also makes the most of her incredibly sexy body and image to make powerful art. There is real magic to this art, music, and sexiness all in one amazing form and she exudes it. If I feel this strongly about Nicki why haven't I been saying she's The Goddess instead of Gaga? Well, it's not an “instead of” kind of thing, because she is the Goddess like everyone is, but is also “more” the Goddess, like Gaga is, because of what she represents. The way I understand things, Gaga is “the most” - to me – but I everyone is different. My point is to encourage people to expect more out of their idols and consequently themselves.
Artists who are so empowering to people really are manifesting divinity. Gaga always fit perfectly my own personal prophecy about the emergence of the Goddess but she will be revealed in many ways, through all of us. I could never get over an extremely strong attraction to Katy Perry, for example. Even when she dissed Gaga for “blasphemy” (which I deeply understood as Katy's own suffering and struggling with her asshole preacher parents but I still got mad about it) I could not stop wanting her, even when I tried. But Katy has become really cool in recent years. She seems to have moved past feeling judged by her parents, accepted being a witch and really had some awesome moments since then and powerful influence on people. Taylor Swift has been really cool lately by using her power to help indie artists get paid by Apple, which makes her cool to me even if I never appreciated her music. Miley Cyrus has had some major impact and better songs than ever, I suspect, lately. I mention all of these artists because they have all had rivalries with Gaga – rather, there has been conflict between the families/fanbases of these stars. And there is no reason for that. I personally think it is resolved just by letting Gaga be “at the top” and pioneering the direction for everyone else, so that everyone gets better together. That's just the way I see it, and would encourage other monsters to be happy about the success of all other artists and see all of it as a tribute to Gaga. And I'm not saying anyone is lesser, all have talent and are doing good, it's just the way I see it Gaga is the one on the forefront of the magical / artistic / spiritual dimension of it. They used to say Nicki was like a “black Gaga” because her wild outfits seemed Gaga-inspired, and I do think we have to all give Gaga credit for breaking the entire world into a more artistic and fashion-magic state, as well as for inspiring specific individuals. They say Miley was transformed by meeting Gaga – maybe it's just a meme and I don't know what that is based upon but it fits the way I see this all working. And Katy went through that transformation that made her much better an more magical, and it seems like the difference was going from being at “odds” with Gaga before, and holding her own self back by retaining her parents' cruel judgment of her, and getting over that and becoming more her true self, in Gaga fashion. Even Madonna, though she might not want to admit being inspired by Gaga, has certainly benefited from the exposure and media attention to comparisons between them. I'm just saying there should be no quarrels between us, and no matter who you think is “best” we can all be happy about any success that promotes people's understanding and love for The Goddess. And all of these fabulous artists do so in their own ways. And others, do, too – we all do – I just wanted to mention these because I think fans should be happier about all successes and never waste time fighting.
But I mention Nicki Minaj because I had a dream about her the other night. I've been waiting to have some kind of sex dreams ever since I've been preparing to write about that song, for months now. But I never did. I do think that is one reason I had the dream I did about Nicki. We didn't have sex in it, but hung out and flirted and made out on occasion. It was really nice. She was really nice. As I recall when I first saw her it was on a sidewalk, I was, and she was getting off a bus. It was probably a tour bus - I had seen a band unloading equipment at a venue, standing by a tour bus, waiting for pizza, a day or two before I had this dream – but it could have been a city bus. I want to say it wasn't because it was Nicki Minaj and I was aware in the dream that she was “who she is”, a big star, it wasn't like before she got famous. But I knew this because the dream seemed real and true, so I knew it was Nicki Minaj. And by her clothes, because she was always wearing something awesome, I think, and had on multiple different outfits in different parts of the dream. But she was not acting superior or like a diva, to me, just really sweet and friendly. We had a good time, like little dates around the city. Maybe it was also influenced., by watching “The Bachelorette” some. The last scene I remember was of kissing her as she lay back in large cushions. I was going to try to write a shorter version here, but might as well copy what I wrote down the next day or so – these gagablogs are always superlong, anyway. But I guess I will do that at the end and get to the point.
It was great making out with Nicki in my dream. She was really sweet and it was a dream come true just to dream about it, she's so beautiful and sexy. I've had at least two dreams about meeting Gaga, that I remember now. One was waiting, in a tree at times, outside of some townhouse/shop rows in Atlanta with a line of monsters lining up outside. I think I saw her coming down the alley, meeting cheering fans, then some monsters were gonna sneak me in a basement entrance to meet her “backstage” and the dream ended. That was years ago. I dreamed about a month ago that I met, “in person”, 6 or 8 Gagas who all surrounded me. They were all that neon-dreadlock style, like 6 copies around me at the points of a hexagram, like I was at the axis of a 3-way mirror she was looking into. I guess I'm trying to say it wasn't sexual or intimate in the same way as the Nicki dream. I feel lust for both of them, sure, and would wish to have those kinds of dreams with Gaga. But I like any good dreams, and especially cherish all of these. In my waking mind I can imagine having the same casual, fun, flirty time with Gaga in a dream, and maybe that will happen someday or somenight in real life. Maybe I would have more mystical-magical dreams about Nicki and think of her more that way if I was into more of her music and more aware of her like that. But it's not about comparisons and I'm bringing this all up to make a point about that. It's about getting along and loving each other and treating each other the best we can without letting comparisons and other separating ideas get in the way. If we want to embrace more and more, growing into more complex people, we will save the world with glorious examples that everyone will want to emulate and will together forge a new super-humanity. I'm kind of high so I say it like that but it's just true.
HERE IS THE MEDIA MAGIC PART FOR ANYONE WHO JUST SKIMS THIS STUFF SINCE IT IS TOO LONG: The next day after I had this dream I drove in the car and heard her song “The Night is Still Young” a few times on the radio, when I first got in and returning, too. That's really no surprise considering Denver radio, it will probably happen (and happened) any drive I take these days using those two stations presets, for at least the whole summer. And I think I heard some other songs with verses by her, too. But the next day, or later that day, I was at Target and someone had left a Cosmopolitan magazine in the $1-3 bins and it had Nicki on the cover – maybe last month's issue? Anyway, I glanced through the pictures and she looked great, wanted to buy it and remembered the internet had plenty of pictures, made “magical” justifications in my head but was broke and felt like $4 seemed like a lot, then. Now I wish I had got it, I am not quite as broke. I read a little of the interview and she said she was guarded with her heart and it reminded me of the sweet girl I had dreamed about. But of course by this time, as soon as I had woken up from the dream, I was planning to write an edition of my gagablog about it since it was like a lucid highlight to break the tedium of my Sexxx Dreams snore-stravaganza these recent months. And I was so happy to finally have a sexy dream! But I could not get away from an awareness of “rivalries” between fans of artists, and artists themselves at times, and how that fit in with some aspects of Sexxx Dreams.
I am still “building up” to an edition all about the lyrics of Sexxx Dreams but one aspect of the song I want to address here is whatever it is that seems “taboo.” There's this tension in Sexxx Dreams, like a reason why she is not supposed to have dreams about this person or want to carry them out. I don't know why that is, in the song, and might not discover it myself just by listening and writing about it for this “Getting it Wrong” series. It might become clear, or take research, or be a mystery. But I will just assume there is tension, she is not “supposed” to want this person or proposition, maybe because of someone's boyfriend. I don't know, I don't really understand monogamy. But I felt like I could relate to this after I had this dream with Nicki.
I'm not saying I felt bad at all about dreaming about meeting and making out with Nicki Minaj. I LOVED it, it was awesome, all I wanted was more of it, to go back to sleep and spend more time with her. I hoped, if I slept in the same place the next night, that I might dream of her some more. But as soon as I started thinking about writing about it in my gagablog relating to Sexxx Dreams I had an awareness of monsters possibly reading this (I don't know if anyone even has!) and saying “Not Nicki!” because of an idea of her being “rivals” with Gaga. I know that idea is in my head, it is my own imagination that this would happen. It is based on some things I see people say on facebook, even though Gaga herself discourages people talking ill of other artists, but I know the actual idea of “rivalry”, in this context, is really just in my own head. I'm the one bringing it up. And I can't blame the fact that other people actively perpetuate these divisions, however unconsciously or intentionally, and that it is much bigger than “me”, but I bring it up in this context, through my own mind. There is no rivalry between Gaga and Nicki - “that I know of” - and maybe there never was. But there used to seem to be more rivalry between them, meaning if it was just something fans or others were doing and nothing actually between the two people, there was more of it in the past and nothing to speak of, now.
ANYWAY THE MEDIA MAGIC PART is that the next day, or next – just a few days ago, now, and I know I should just write more of these, shorter – the big headline in entertainment news was a twitter battle between Nicki and Taylor Swift over award recognitions and various related issues including race and body image, I believe. I'm not saying I predicted or manifested this event by dreaming about Nicki and thinking if it would be seen as “betrayal” in the monster community – as much as I don't give a fuck if it would the very idea is what I am trying to tease out of all of this. I'm not trying to trivialize their dispute or the issues raised, either, if I say it's no “prediction” to anticipate quarrels between stars, especially music stars for some reason, because it happens all the time. I'm trying to say why do we do this, what is it that makes us want to pull away from each other when we have the chance to get closer, and is it the same things in all of these circumstances, and arises from the mind? Is there something about the taboo or barrier in Sexxx Dreams which is also the foundation of rivalries between “fanbases”/religions, the same thing as the various insider/outsider -isms Nicki was complaining about, rightfully, which are the same issues at the foundation of all the conflicts in our society? And can we look at all of these, together, and see where it all happens in the mind, and change it?
Furthermore, is it the same thing in international diplomacy, which can ultimately determine whether we have nuclear war or not, whether we all live or die? Is it the same thing, just some mistake that arises in the mind? If so, shouldn't we look at any way to diffuse conflict, even if it comes from the examples of pop stars? Ultimately it comes down to whether we see people as different, or an outsider. In the most intimate circles, amongst friends, you have your lovers and your friends and your lover's friends and friend's lovers and often these are distinct categories. But they don't have to be and it seems like increasingly the culture is embracing more cross-over of these. That seems to be the basic principle or tension in Sexxx Dreams. But on a “larger”, social media level, with perceptions of celebrities and family/fanbase social dynamics there is this same idea, seeing someone as an “other” and certain distinct boundaries between you. So some monsters don't want to accept Barbz, some Barbz don't want to accept Swifties, some Swifties don't want to accept Katy Kats and some of them don't want to accept monsters,. And vice versa and every combination and every one else and every genre of music, too. And of course this is contrary to what Gaga actively tells us, to spread kindness and support artists of all kinds.
The one reason I am glad it took me too long to finally write this edition is some more media magic that I can include. One aspect was from facbook: the other day my wall contained a number of pictures through the years of Gaga and various other stars. One was with Kim Kardashian and I even saw mean comments about her from “monsters”, I guess, on Gaga's page, such is the mass hysterical hatred for Kim. I have never understood it other than as jealousy. Anyway, there was one of Gaga with Justin Beiber and her advice to him on it about him being the boss and life having boh roses and thorns. I can't help think of the new Selena Gomez song on the radio these days which is super sexy to me, “Good for You.” I wanted to object to it as sexist or something, but I can't, it turns me on so much I just want to make excuses for how hot it is. This is one example of getting over boundaries to make a connection. I still think it can be a bad message to girls to suggest that they “just” want to look good for a boy, but the fact that I try to find ways to say it is okay ends up transforming me, helping me see new sides of things. I'm not using this principle to say it is always a good idea to cheat on your lover, or even that it often is, to learn a lot about life. It might not be a good idea, even most of the time. But it also might be a great idea to consider or carry out, sometimes. I'm reminded of how many times, I imagine, that Cosmo or other magazines recommend an affair to spice up romance with your lover. I'm also reminded of a Rachel Haywire story excerpt I read last night about every interaction with females being charged for as sex and by law all sex was for profit. I had some issues with it but appreciated how it presumed and revealed in a way that feminine sensuality and sexuality were the ultimate powers in the world. These are forces in society, these ideas, and they go against the mainstream slut-shaming that has been in effect and dominating the culture for centuries or thousands of years.
I don't know what the taboo is in Sexxx Dreams, why she seems to want to be with someone so bad that she is dreaming about it but not able to act on it. I don't know whether Selena Gomez and Justin Beiber are back together or not, or whether they are really “good for” each other. But it seems like the break-up, or some break-up, was the inspiration for her last song and maybe this is a song about being back with him. Or maybe it is about being with someone new. If it is just for him and they are back together, or for some new guy, then there is no real “taboo” being crossed in the song: it's just me wishing someone would sing that to me with a voice like that. If, however, it's a song about some new guy, in order to make Beiber jealous, then it is also crossing this social “boundary” between someone you are with and an “other” person. I just saw a commercial for “Scream Queens” and my lover asked me “do you want to watch that?” and I said “it looks like it has Arianna Grande in it, so yes, she's hot.” Even though I don't usually like that kind of thing at all, I can get over any difference in taste to get to see her acting. This whole “getting over boundaries” for attraction, or even the attractions crossing boundaries even if we don't except in dreams, is the basis for growth, for becoming better people. All of these pictures of Gaga with other artists shows there is no rivalry between them, but the fact that people create rivalries between them shows that people don't think they are getting enough credit. This is the same for all of us, though. We act like only some people are deserving of “special treatment”, or that if anyone treats us specially then it can only be because they are our one true love and get upset if we lose them, like no one else could possibly feel as good or better about us. The reason we feel this way is due to a deficiency of love in the world – not that there is not enough love, but we are trained and socialized to think there is not enough. It is the same dynamic with money and all other resources: scarcity is a myth and if we just share and act responsibly we will all overcome the poisonous effects it has had on society.
I don't try to connect these ideas with world events to make them seem more important: to someone in a relationship or gripped by passion that may be all they care about. But I have this magical notion that just getting the idea “out there”, even if no one reads it, makes magical changes in the world. Iran and America and the rest of the world are negtiating a treaty to end or slow Iran's nuclear weapons program. Without knowing any details, just seeing the republican opposition is all I need to conclude it is the best deal ever. Actually, I personally would always want to take it further, where peace is concerned. I think I said, here, years ago, that there is no convincing tone or phrasing to tell someone “you don't need a gun” if you are pointing a gun at them. But it is more possible to convince someone that they don't need a gun if you lower yours or don't have one. Like The 4th Doctor said, he never takes any weapons because that would suggest that he has an intention to use them. So my solution for America to get othe countries to disarm is to disarm ourselves. I heard Russia is planning to make more nuclear bombs. By one mentality, an old one that was outdated and evil even back then, the response we should have is to make more nukes ourselves. But here is an idea: what if, at the same time Russia was making more weapons, we started dismantling our military, or converting it to dedicate it to humanitarian purposes. They would just seem so uncool, in the eyes of the world, if we just move on to bigger and better things. It's all a waste, so is anything whose purpose is to destroy, except of course wrecking balls and antivirals and the like.
Currently there are all sorts of wild alliances in the battles in the middle east. As I understand it, the US supported Iraq in a war against Iran in the 1980s and gave Saddam Hussien chemical weapons that he used on the Kurdish people It was actually Donald Rumsfeld, in the 80's, who gave them the weapons, I think. Of course it was the USA under Bush who invaded Iraq under false pretenses and destabilized the country. Meanwhile the USA has always been giving weapons including nuclear warheads to Isreal and have always kept that tension alive with the disproportionate force it creates. I won't get into all the different aspects, even the ones I know anything about, but my point is to say that different alliances have been forming, and conflicts between countries developing, for decades. But at this point it is all really more interwoven and ridiculous than ever before. Just look at Turkey, which has been at war with the Kurds and are now partnering more with the US against ISIS. But the Kurds were the ones who seemed to be doing most of the fighting against ISIS and have seemed to be who the US most supports. These allies have a common enemy, but as long as the US was arming the Kurds they were helping Turkey's “enemy.” On the other hand, the source of ISIS is largely Assad and the instability of civil war in Syria. Remember when I said, more than two years ago here, that the war in Syria would be the last war, ever? This is how it will work out- we have to conclude how ridiculous it is and end it. “This”, Gagamagic, is intended to be a magic spell to end it, or a prophecy of how it will end, because it just has to end. And this is definitely a complex and big enough war to be the last one, without getting much bigger. The secret is that it is so complex and interwoven that it all comes apart if we just cut the right threads. Because all of them are based on the tension of war, but it does not have to continue. I know people might not understand how I want to do this, magically, but let me try to explain the change of mind and change of heart I am envisioning. Of all of these interconnecting alliances and rivalries, some forces must prevail over others. Of course there is a very real possibility of just entering an escalating war that ends up killing all of humanity- we can't forget that and can't allow a republican president who would probably make it happen. But if we don't completely kill ourselves, the actual most likely outcome is that alliances will grow stronger and end up providing pathways for lesser conficts between countries and people to be resolved. Conspiracists might speculate that ISIS is a creation of the American military, like a CIA black ops op. Even if this turned out to be true, what would happen? Everyone else declares war on the US for being jerks and either invades us or probably the world goes down in flames? Those don't seem too likely. As awful as the situation is, it is almost like the USA would just say “okay, our bad, you caught us, can we move on?” I don't mean to be making a joke out of all the awful death and suffering, I'm just saying it has to do with the way humanity and the mind work. We can't just destroy ourselves over anything, really, no matter how big or awful, or how small and trivial. But we make it possible to destroy each other, and even all of us, by this same ability of the mind to say someone is an “other.” Probably many murders are what they called “crimes of passion” when someone suppsedly loves someone and then finds out they are with an “other” person, or are an “other” person than they thought they were, and somehow this makes them feel like killing them. We get the same way, in wars, saying someone deserves death for being an “other.” And I guess people can get so off-track from humanity by bad leadership that they end up representing an “other”, but this can change depending on which side you are on.
It's safer to stay true to our lovers and our countries, I guess. Countries and people both change, and aren't ever completely what we think they are. People can say that the US and Iran can never be friends, for instance, but this is silly. I feel like I have some magical “proof” to conclude this, just when I was getting ready to say I just wanted to end it because it seems to be the longest and least efficient, most pointless gagablog ever – but I don't really think it is. Like all of them, like Gaga herself, I think it all magically helps to save the world. Magic is making things happen, or predicting the future in ways that help people realize it, including through art and music and writing. We have to step back and look at relationships and decide we will never kill each other. We need to step back and look at war and end it, just see how silly it is to have so many criss-crossing alliances and rivals and call the whole thing off. Might as well call off the rivalry between people who love different celebrities, or whatever, however trivial or important we think it is. We all need to come together to save ourselves from ourselves, from war and global warming. No conflicts of ideas or lesser issues can be more important than these that effect our total survival. I've felt disgust and fear living in the country that seems to be most responsible for keeping the planet-destroying and people-killing system in place, but as I see how all this works more I am glad to be closer to the problem because I know we must solve it and I can do more to help the more aware I become and the more faith I act with in making the needed changes come true.
I have one concluding example of how this magic of liberty works, how we get over barriers with this magical attraction, even if only in sex dreams, or getting over the most drastic differences and estrangement, even between countries. The US and Cuba have restored a relationship after like 60 years. Thanks, Obama! I heard on NPR that there is a story and they can't prove if it is true, that in the 1970's Fidel Castro was asked if Cuba and America would ever restore a relationship. He supposedly said yes, when America has a black president and the world has a Latin American pope. This kind of predicting the future is just knowing something have to be, being visionary. We can all do this and get better at it the more visionary people and ideas we come in contact with. But it's all about overcoming thise boundaries between us and seeing past seeing anyone as an “other.” Peace and Gaga love for all!
Here is the original recording of the dream:
I had a dream last night in which I hung out with Niki Minaj and made out with her some. It was awesome. I don't remember much of it now due to some poor decisions this morning including not writing it down earlier, but now that I am feeling mostly better I hoped that if I started writing some of it I would remember more and more as I went.
The part I remember most vividly was towards the end. We kissed and it felt so real. The whole dream was very real and vivid, the parts with Niki that I remembered when I first woke up especially. At this point we had just kissed and she was leaning back or laying in some cushions, smiling at me. I said something like “I love you, babygirl” or “you're beautiful, babygirl” and I've never used that word in my life in any context and immediately felt self-conscious, though she didn't seem to mind. I was shy and felt silly about it and said something like “I wish I could call you 'babygirl'” by which I meant I wished she was my girlfriend. I was hoping she would tell me I could be her boyfriend, but also that just because we had been hanging out and kissed a few times I wasn't making any assumptions. I don't know what her response was, or if she had any. I kind of think the dream ended there or changed to something else, it was near when I woke up, it seems.
Now that I think about it I do have some vague impressions of the other moments we had together. It seemed like I was greeting her as she came out of a door onto the street, and we walked down the sidewalk. I can't remember our first kiss, but I think we kissed a few more times in the dream before that last time, because it didn't seem like I had any question that she wanted to kiss me, but maybe it was just how she was looking at me. I still can't remember more than those vague impressions, as I write this, but right when I woke up it seemed like I remembered a few different scenes with her in the dream, and it seems like a good portion of my dreams were about hanging out with her. I was hoping to remember more as I wrote this, but I still only have impressions. One is that it was always comfortable and fun, maybe I was nervous the first time I met her. I'm trying to make the most of not being able to remember it, now, and have a couple of ideas. One is that I will go back to sleep and have more dreams – I could certainly use a nap. My sleep was restless last night, on a couple of chair cushions on the floor. So I hope I dream of her again. But that is like the consolation prize. I guess I should be embarrassed to say this but I'm really not at all. I was hoping, first, that she would have had the same dream, that I could describe it in my gagablog, it would magically find it's way to her and she would say “I had the same dream!” and want to meet me and make it come true. Then I had the idea that I would not remember it any more at all, but that at one point I would meet her and it would all start coming true and then I would remember it.
I think of those possibilities as likely. Good possibilities. Not “probable”in a statistical sense (Jack Tripper said as I typed that “All those women passing over me I don't know if I could handle that kind of rejection” - maybe a joke about working under a bridge, I wasn't paying attention, but it made me think of the ridiculousness of thinking of relationships based upon “odds”) What if it would be a one-in-a-million chance that we would meet and fall in love? The greater the odds against it, the surer we will be that it is love when it happens. Yes I just changed “would” to “will” after I decided to write “when” - the perogative of a writer (as Mrs Roper says “The story of my life”). This dream was surely partly inspired by watching half of “Finding Neverland” before going to sleep, bringing out the artist/writer temperament in me. And I feel like it was also inspired by great sex early in the day (“...called 'Bedroom playground' – and a centerfold ” the photographer for “Living Love” magazine says. “Did you come here to debate or make ten bucks an hour?” “Jack: “Where do I get undressed?”) It was a wonderful dream that certainly made it worth the uncomfortable bed if that had anything to do with it. When I think about how it compared to a lucid dream I don't feel like I had any “control” over the dream more than control over myself within it, and that due to feeling like it was really real, like it was really happening. I probably would NOT have that much control and would stutter if I met her in real life, so maybe I was the most fantastic, unbelievable part of it. People do meet each other and hit it off, even randomly, and that is possible that I could meet her. It seems unlikely that she would be getting off a bus - maybe a tour bus? - and walk down the street with me, but possible. I think that could have been it, that she got off a bus, we started talking and got along. Maybe it was inspired some by the Bachelor TV show, just “perfect” dates lined up for us, but it seems like there were some scenes like that – randomly on the streetcorner and maybe a diner we found? Then some other places, maybe a garden, maybe a hot air balloon? I read a quote recently an author said that if a scene can take place in a hot air balloon then it should. I just can't remember, I can see her face smiling at me, her hair tossing, but can't place the background, though it does all seem so close to recall, now, like just on the other side of a wall or aisle or hedemaze row. But I almost want the excuse of not remembering to not jinx it happening in real life, though I do want to recall it, she was so beautiful. But maybe I will dream some more of her when I take a nap and be able to record that, here.
Altogether it makes me think of Sexxx Dreams, the Gaga song I've been waiting months to write about. I keep expecting that my beliefs would come together serendipidously as I wrote this edition. It was ….
and that is as far as I got. Proofreading it just now I was struck by how “babygirl” is something Beiber says. Have fun, everyone, and sweet, sexy dreams! You never know what kind of “other” might become your next lover!
I had a similar experience when I first saw Nicki Minaj, when she was performing with another rapper on Dave Letterman's show. It seems like it was just a few months or a year or so before her own career took off. I saw her talent and beauty and was certainly impressed but it was something about her look, her expressions, that made me just know and say immediately “she's gonna be really big, like the biggest star in rap and pop music.” I feel like that feeling has been proven true by her career. She's really fantastically beautiful to me, like a Goddess, too. Her face is perfectly beautiful but the impact of her expressions shows fierce and passionate and loving spirit. She's a great artist musically and also makes the most of her incredibly sexy body and image to make powerful art. There is real magic to this art, music, and sexiness all in one amazing form and she exudes it. If I feel this strongly about Nicki why haven't I been saying she's The Goddess instead of Gaga? Well, it's not an “instead of” kind of thing, because she is the Goddess like everyone is, but is also “more” the Goddess, like Gaga is, because of what she represents. The way I understand things, Gaga is “the most” - to me – but I everyone is different. My point is to encourage people to expect more out of their idols and consequently themselves.
Artists who are so empowering to people really are manifesting divinity. Gaga always fit perfectly my own personal prophecy about the emergence of the Goddess but she will be revealed in many ways, through all of us. I could never get over an extremely strong attraction to Katy Perry, for example. Even when she dissed Gaga for “blasphemy” (which I deeply understood as Katy's own suffering and struggling with her asshole preacher parents but I still got mad about it) I could not stop wanting her, even when I tried. But Katy has become really cool in recent years. She seems to have moved past feeling judged by her parents, accepted being a witch and really had some awesome moments since then and powerful influence on people. Taylor Swift has been really cool lately by using her power to help indie artists get paid by Apple, which makes her cool to me even if I never appreciated her music. Miley Cyrus has had some major impact and better songs than ever, I suspect, lately. I mention all of these artists because they have all had rivalries with Gaga – rather, there has been conflict between the families/fanbases of these stars. And there is no reason for that. I personally think it is resolved just by letting Gaga be “at the top” and pioneering the direction for everyone else, so that everyone gets better together. That's just the way I see it, and would encourage other monsters to be happy about the success of all other artists and see all of it as a tribute to Gaga. And I'm not saying anyone is lesser, all have talent and are doing good, it's just the way I see it Gaga is the one on the forefront of the magical / artistic / spiritual dimension of it. They used to say Nicki was like a “black Gaga” because her wild outfits seemed Gaga-inspired, and I do think we have to all give Gaga credit for breaking the entire world into a more artistic and fashion-magic state, as well as for inspiring specific individuals. They say Miley was transformed by meeting Gaga – maybe it's just a meme and I don't know what that is based upon but it fits the way I see this all working. And Katy went through that transformation that made her much better an more magical, and it seems like the difference was going from being at “odds” with Gaga before, and holding her own self back by retaining her parents' cruel judgment of her, and getting over that and becoming more her true self, in Gaga fashion. Even Madonna, though she might not want to admit being inspired by Gaga, has certainly benefited from the exposure and media attention to comparisons between them. I'm just saying there should be no quarrels between us, and no matter who you think is “best” we can all be happy about any success that promotes people's understanding and love for The Goddess. And all of these fabulous artists do so in their own ways. And others, do, too – we all do – I just wanted to mention these because I think fans should be happier about all successes and never waste time fighting.
But I mention Nicki Minaj because I had a dream about her the other night. I've been waiting to have some kind of sex dreams ever since I've been preparing to write about that song, for months now. But I never did. I do think that is one reason I had the dream I did about Nicki. We didn't have sex in it, but hung out and flirted and made out on occasion. It was really nice. She was really nice. As I recall when I first saw her it was on a sidewalk, I was, and she was getting off a bus. It was probably a tour bus - I had seen a band unloading equipment at a venue, standing by a tour bus, waiting for pizza, a day or two before I had this dream – but it could have been a city bus. I want to say it wasn't because it was Nicki Minaj and I was aware in the dream that she was “who she is”, a big star, it wasn't like before she got famous. But I knew this because the dream seemed real and true, so I knew it was Nicki Minaj. And by her clothes, because she was always wearing something awesome, I think, and had on multiple different outfits in different parts of the dream. But she was not acting superior or like a diva, to me, just really sweet and friendly. We had a good time, like little dates around the city. Maybe it was also influenced., by watching “The Bachelorette” some. The last scene I remember was of kissing her as she lay back in large cushions. I was going to try to write a shorter version here, but might as well copy what I wrote down the next day or so – these gagablogs are always superlong, anyway. But I guess I will do that at the end and get to the point.
It was great making out with Nicki in my dream. She was really sweet and it was a dream come true just to dream about it, she's so beautiful and sexy. I've had at least two dreams about meeting Gaga, that I remember now. One was waiting, in a tree at times, outside of some townhouse/shop rows in Atlanta with a line of monsters lining up outside. I think I saw her coming down the alley, meeting cheering fans, then some monsters were gonna sneak me in a basement entrance to meet her “backstage” and the dream ended. That was years ago. I dreamed about a month ago that I met, “in person”, 6 or 8 Gagas who all surrounded me. They were all that neon-dreadlock style, like 6 copies around me at the points of a hexagram, like I was at the axis of a 3-way mirror she was looking into. I guess I'm trying to say it wasn't sexual or intimate in the same way as the Nicki dream. I feel lust for both of them, sure, and would wish to have those kinds of dreams with Gaga. But I like any good dreams, and especially cherish all of these. In my waking mind I can imagine having the same casual, fun, flirty time with Gaga in a dream, and maybe that will happen someday or somenight in real life. Maybe I would have more mystical-magical dreams about Nicki and think of her more that way if I was into more of her music and more aware of her like that. But it's not about comparisons and I'm bringing this all up to make a point about that. It's about getting along and loving each other and treating each other the best we can without letting comparisons and other separating ideas get in the way. If we want to embrace more and more, growing into more complex people, we will save the world with glorious examples that everyone will want to emulate and will together forge a new super-humanity. I'm kind of high so I say it like that but it's just true.
HERE IS THE MEDIA MAGIC PART FOR ANYONE WHO JUST SKIMS THIS STUFF SINCE IT IS TOO LONG: The next day after I had this dream I drove in the car and heard her song “The Night is Still Young” a few times on the radio, when I first got in and returning, too. That's really no surprise considering Denver radio, it will probably happen (and happened) any drive I take these days using those two stations presets, for at least the whole summer. And I think I heard some other songs with verses by her, too. But the next day, or later that day, I was at Target and someone had left a Cosmopolitan magazine in the $1-3 bins and it had Nicki on the cover – maybe last month's issue? Anyway, I glanced through the pictures and she looked great, wanted to buy it and remembered the internet had plenty of pictures, made “magical” justifications in my head but was broke and felt like $4 seemed like a lot, then. Now I wish I had got it, I am not quite as broke. I read a little of the interview and she said she was guarded with her heart and it reminded me of the sweet girl I had dreamed about. But of course by this time, as soon as I had woken up from the dream, I was planning to write an edition of my gagablog about it since it was like a lucid highlight to break the tedium of my Sexxx Dreams snore-stravaganza these recent months. And I was so happy to finally have a sexy dream! But I could not get away from an awareness of “rivalries” between fans of artists, and artists themselves at times, and how that fit in with some aspects of Sexxx Dreams.
I am still “building up” to an edition all about the lyrics of Sexxx Dreams but one aspect of the song I want to address here is whatever it is that seems “taboo.” There's this tension in Sexxx Dreams, like a reason why she is not supposed to have dreams about this person or want to carry them out. I don't know why that is, in the song, and might not discover it myself just by listening and writing about it for this “Getting it Wrong” series. It might become clear, or take research, or be a mystery. But I will just assume there is tension, she is not “supposed” to want this person or proposition, maybe because of someone's boyfriend. I don't know, I don't really understand monogamy. But I felt like I could relate to this after I had this dream with Nicki.
I'm not saying I felt bad at all about dreaming about meeting and making out with Nicki Minaj. I LOVED it, it was awesome, all I wanted was more of it, to go back to sleep and spend more time with her. I hoped, if I slept in the same place the next night, that I might dream of her some more. But as soon as I started thinking about writing about it in my gagablog relating to Sexxx Dreams I had an awareness of monsters possibly reading this (I don't know if anyone even has!) and saying “Not Nicki!” because of an idea of her being “rivals” with Gaga. I know that idea is in my head, it is my own imagination that this would happen. It is based on some things I see people say on facebook, even though Gaga herself discourages people talking ill of other artists, but I know the actual idea of “rivalry”, in this context, is really just in my own head. I'm the one bringing it up. And I can't blame the fact that other people actively perpetuate these divisions, however unconsciously or intentionally, and that it is much bigger than “me”, but I bring it up in this context, through my own mind. There is no rivalry between Gaga and Nicki - “that I know of” - and maybe there never was. But there used to seem to be more rivalry between them, meaning if it was just something fans or others were doing and nothing actually between the two people, there was more of it in the past and nothing to speak of, now.
ANYWAY THE MEDIA MAGIC PART is that the next day, or next – just a few days ago, now, and I know I should just write more of these, shorter – the big headline in entertainment news was a twitter battle between Nicki and Taylor Swift over award recognitions and various related issues including race and body image, I believe. I'm not saying I predicted or manifested this event by dreaming about Nicki and thinking if it would be seen as “betrayal” in the monster community – as much as I don't give a fuck if it would the very idea is what I am trying to tease out of all of this. I'm not trying to trivialize their dispute or the issues raised, either, if I say it's no “prediction” to anticipate quarrels between stars, especially music stars for some reason, because it happens all the time. I'm trying to say why do we do this, what is it that makes us want to pull away from each other when we have the chance to get closer, and is it the same things in all of these circumstances, and arises from the mind? Is there something about the taboo or barrier in Sexxx Dreams which is also the foundation of rivalries between “fanbases”/religions, the same thing as the various insider/outsider -isms Nicki was complaining about, rightfully, which are the same issues at the foundation of all the conflicts in our society? And can we look at all of these, together, and see where it all happens in the mind, and change it?
Furthermore, is it the same thing in international diplomacy, which can ultimately determine whether we have nuclear war or not, whether we all live or die? Is it the same thing, just some mistake that arises in the mind? If so, shouldn't we look at any way to diffuse conflict, even if it comes from the examples of pop stars? Ultimately it comes down to whether we see people as different, or an outsider. In the most intimate circles, amongst friends, you have your lovers and your friends and your lover's friends and friend's lovers and often these are distinct categories. But they don't have to be and it seems like increasingly the culture is embracing more cross-over of these. That seems to be the basic principle or tension in Sexxx Dreams. But on a “larger”, social media level, with perceptions of celebrities and family/fanbase social dynamics there is this same idea, seeing someone as an “other” and certain distinct boundaries between you. So some monsters don't want to accept Barbz, some Barbz don't want to accept Swifties, some Swifties don't want to accept Katy Kats and some of them don't want to accept monsters,. And vice versa and every combination and every one else and every genre of music, too. And of course this is contrary to what Gaga actively tells us, to spread kindness and support artists of all kinds.
The one reason I am glad it took me too long to finally write this edition is some more media magic that I can include. One aspect was from facbook: the other day my wall contained a number of pictures through the years of Gaga and various other stars. One was with Kim Kardashian and I even saw mean comments about her from “monsters”, I guess, on Gaga's page, such is the mass hysterical hatred for Kim. I have never understood it other than as jealousy. Anyway, there was one of Gaga with Justin Beiber and her advice to him on it about him being the boss and life having boh roses and thorns. I can't help think of the new Selena Gomez song on the radio these days which is super sexy to me, “Good for You.” I wanted to object to it as sexist or something, but I can't, it turns me on so much I just want to make excuses for how hot it is. This is one example of getting over boundaries to make a connection. I still think it can be a bad message to girls to suggest that they “just” want to look good for a boy, but the fact that I try to find ways to say it is okay ends up transforming me, helping me see new sides of things. I'm not using this principle to say it is always a good idea to cheat on your lover, or even that it often is, to learn a lot about life. It might not be a good idea, even most of the time. But it also might be a great idea to consider or carry out, sometimes. I'm reminded of how many times, I imagine, that Cosmo or other magazines recommend an affair to spice up romance with your lover. I'm also reminded of a Rachel Haywire story excerpt I read last night about every interaction with females being charged for as sex and by law all sex was for profit. I had some issues with it but appreciated how it presumed and revealed in a way that feminine sensuality and sexuality were the ultimate powers in the world. These are forces in society, these ideas, and they go against the mainstream slut-shaming that has been in effect and dominating the culture for centuries or thousands of years.
I don't know what the taboo is in Sexxx Dreams, why she seems to want to be with someone so bad that she is dreaming about it but not able to act on it. I don't know whether Selena Gomez and Justin Beiber are back together or not, or whether they are really “good for” each other. But it seems like the break-up, or some break-up, was the inspiration for her last song and maybe this is a song about being back with him. Or maybe it is about being with someone new. If it is just for him and they are back together, or for some new guy, then there is no real “taboo” being crossed in the song: it's just me wishing someone would sing that to me with a voice like that. If, however, it's a song about some new guy, in order to make Beiber jealous, then it is also crossing this social “boundary” between someone you are with and an “other” person. I just saw a commercial for “Scream Queens” and my lover asked me “do you want to watch that?” and I said “it looks like it has Arianna Grande in it, so yes, she's hot.” Even though I don't usually like that kind of thing at all, I can get over any difference in taste to get to see her acting. This whole “getting over boundaries” for attraction, or even the attractions crossing boundaries even if we don't except in dreams, is the basis for growth, for becoming better people. All of these pictures of Gaga with other artists shows there is no rivalry between them, but the fact that people create rivalries between them shows that people don't think they are getting enough credit. This is the same for all of us, though. We act like only some people are deserving of “special treatment”, or that if anyone treats us specially then it can only be because they are our one true love and get upset if we lose them, like no one else could possibly feel as good or better about us. The reason we feel this way is due to a deficiency of love in the world – not that there is not enough love, but we are trained and socialized to think there is not enough. It is the same dynamic with money and all other resources: scarcity is a myth and if we just share and act responsibly we will all overcome the poisonous effects it has had on society.
I don't try to connect these ideas with world events to make them seem more important: to someone in a relationship or gripped by passion that may be all they care about. But I have this magical notion that just getting the idea “out there”, even if no one reads it, makes magical changes in the world. Iran and America and the rest of the world are negtiating a treaty to end or slow Iran's nuclear weapons program. Without knowing any details, just seeing the republican opposition is all I need to conclude it is the best deal ever. Actually, I personally would always want to take it further, where peace is concerned. I think I said, here, years ago, that there is no convincing tone or phrasing to tell someone “you don't need a gun” if you are pointing a gun at them. But it is more possible to convince someone that they don't need a gun if you lower yours or don't have one. Like The 4th Doctor said, he never takes any weapons because that would suggest that he has an intention to use them. So my solution for America to get othe countries to disarm is to disarm ourselves. I heard Russia is planning to make more nuclear bombs. By one mentality, an old one that was outdated and evil even back then, the response we should have is to make more nukes ourselves. But here is an idea: what if, at the same time Russia was making more weapons, we started dismantling our military, or converting it to dedicate it to humanitarian purposes. They would just seem so uncool, in the eyes of the world, if we just move on to bigger and better things. It's all a waste, so is anything whose purpose is to destroy, except of course wrecking balls and antivirals and the like.
Currently there are all sorts of wild alliances in the battles in the middle east. As I understand it, the US supported Iraq in a war against Iran in the 1980s and gave Saddam Hussien chemical weapons that he used on the Kurdish people It was actually Donald Rumsfeld, in the 80's, who gave them the weapons, I think. Of course it was the USA under Bush who invaded Iraq under false pretenses and destabilized the country. Meanwhile the USA has always been giving weapons including nuclear warheads to Isreal and have always kept that tension alive with the disproportionate force it creates. I won't get into all the different aspects, even the ones I know anything about, but my point is to say that different alliances have been forming, and conflicts between countries developing, for decades. But at this point it is all really more interwoven and ridiculous than ever before. Just look at Turkey, which has been at war with the Kurds and are now partnering more with the US against ISIS. But the Kurds were the ones who seemed to be doing most of the fighting against ISIS and have seemed to be who the US most supports. These allies have a common enemy, but as long as the US was arming the Kurds they were helping Turkey's “enemy.” On the other hand, the source of ISIS is largely Assad and the instability of civil war in Syria. Remember when I said, more than two years ago here, that the war in Syria would be the last war, ever? This is how it will work out- we have to conclude how ridiculous it is and end it. “This”, Gagamagic, is intended to be a magic spell to end it, or a prophecy of how it will end, because it just has to end. And this is definitely a complex and big enough war to be the last one, without getting much bigger. The secret is that it is so complex and interwoven that it all comes apart if we just cut the right threads. Because all of them are based on the tension of war, but it does not have to continue. I know people might not understand how I want to do this, magically, but let me try to explain the change of mind and change of heart I am envisioning. Of all of these interconnecting alliances and rivalries, some forces must prevail over others. Of course there is a very real possibility of just entering an escalating war that ends up killing all of humanity- we can't forget that and can't allow a republican president who would probably make it happen. But if we don't completely kill ourselves, the actual most likely outcome is that alliances will grow stronger and end up providing pathways for lesser conficts between countries and people to be resolved. Conspiracists might speculate that ISIS is a creation of the American military, like a CIA black ops op. Even if this turned out to be true, what would happen? Everyone else declares war on the US for being jerks and either invades us or probably the world goes down in flames? Those don't seem too likely. As awful as the situation is, it is almost like the USA would just say “okay, our bad, you caught us, can we move on?” I don't mean to be making a joke out of all the awful death and suffering, I'm just saying it has to do with the way humanity and the mind work. We can't just destroy ourselves over anything, really, no matter how big or awful, or how small and trivial. But we make it possible to destroy each other, and even all of us, by this same ability of the mind to say someone is an “other.” Probably many murders are what they called “crimes of passion” when someone suppsedly loves someone and then finds out they are with an “other” person, or are an “other” person than they thought they were, and somehow this makes them feel like killing them. We get the same way, in wars, saying someone deserves death for being an “other.” And I guess people can get so off-track from humanity by bad leadership that they end up representing an “other”, but this can change depending on which side you are on.
It's safer to stay true to our lovers and our countries, I guess. Countries and people both change, and aren't ever completely what we think they are. People can say that the US and Iran can never be friends, for instance, but this is silly. I feel like I have some magical “proof” to conclude this, just when I was getting ready to say I just wanted to end it because it seems to be the longest and least efficient, most pointless gagablog ever – but I don't really think it is. Like all of them, like Gaga herself, I think it all magically helps to save the world. Magic is making things happen, or predicting the future in ways that help people realize it, including through art and music and writing. We have to step back and look at relationships and decide we will never kill each other. We need to step back and look at war and end it, just see how silly it is to have so many criss-crossing alliances and rivals and call the whole thing off. Might as well call off the rivalry between people who love different celebrities, or whatever, however trivial or important we think it is. We all need to come together to save ourselves from ourselves, from war and global warming. No conflicts of ideas or lesser issues can be more important than these that effect our total survival. I've felt disgust and fear living in the country that seems to be most responsible for keeping the planet-destroying and people-killing system in place, but as I see how all this works more I am glad to be closer to the problem because I know we must solve it and I can do more to help the more aware I become and the more faith I act with in making the needed changes come true.
I have one concluding example of how this magic of liberty works, how we get over barriers with this magical attraction, even if only in sex dreams, or getting over the most drastic differences and estrangement, even between countries. The US and Cuba have restored a relationship after like 60 years. Thanks, Obama! I heard on NPR that there is a story and they can't prove if it is true, that in the 1970's Fidel Castro was asked if Cuba and America would ever restore a relationship. He supposedly said yes, when America has a black president and the world has a Latin American pope. This kind of predicting the future is just knowing something have to be, being visionary. We can all do this and get better at it the more visionary people and ideas we come in contact with. But it's all about overcoming thise boundaries between us and seeing past seeing anyone as an “other.” Peace and Gaga love for all!
Here is the original recording of the dream:
I had a dream last night in which I hung out with Niki Minaj and made out with her some. It was awesome. I don't remember much of it now due to some poor decisions this morning including not writing it down earlier, but now that I am feeling mostly better I hoped that if I started writing some of it I would remember more and more as I went.
The part I remember most vividly was towards the end. We kissed and it felt so real. The whole dream was very real and vivid, the parts with Niki that I remembered when I first woke up especially. At this point we had just kissed and she was leaning back or laying in some cushions, smiling at me. I said something like “I love you, babygirl” or “you're beautiful, babygirl” and I've never used that word in my life in any context and immediately felt self-conscious, though she didn't seem to mind. I was shy and felt silly about it and said something like “I wish I could call you 'babygirl'” by which I meant I wished she was my girlfriend. I was hoping she would tell me I could be her boyfriend, but also that just because we had been hanging out and kissed a few times I wasn't making any assumptions. I don't know what her response was, or if she had any. I kind of think the dream ended there or changed to something else, it was near when I woke up, it seems.
Now that I think about it I do have some vague impressions of the other moments we had together. It seemed like I was greeting her as she came out of a door onto the street, and we walked down the sidewalk. I can't remember our first kiss, but I think we kissed a few more times in the dream before that last time, because it didn't seem like I had any question that she wanted to kiss me, but maybe it was just how she was looking at me. I still can't remember more than those vague impressions, as I write this, but right when I woke up it seemed like I remembered a few different scenes with her in the dream, and it seems like a good portion of my dreams were about hanging out with her. I was hoping to remember more as I wrote this, but I still only have impressions. One is that it was always comfortable and fun, maybe I was nervous the first time I met her. I'm trying to make the most of not being able to remember it, now, and have a couple of ideas. One is that I will go back to sleep and have more dreams – I could certainly use a nap. My sleep was restless last night, on a couple of chair cushions on the floor. So I hope I dream of her again. But that is like the consolation prize. I guess I should be embarrassed to say this but I'm really not at all. I was hoping, first, that she would have had the same dream, that I could describe it in my gagablog, it would magically find it's way to her and she would say “I had the same dream!” and want to meet me and make it come true. Then I had the idea that I would not remember it any more at all, but that at one point I would meet her and it would all start coming true and then I would remember it.
I think of those possibilities as likely. Good possibilities. Not “probable”in a statistical sense (Jack Tripper said as I typed that “All those women passing over me I don't know if I could handle that kind of rejection” - maybe a joke about working under a bridge, I wasn't paying attention, but it made me think of the ridiculousness of thinking of relationships based upon “odds”) What if it would be a one-in-a-million chance that we would meet and fall in love? The greater the odds against it, the surer we will be that it is love when it happens. Yes I just changed “would” to “will” after I decided to write “when” - the perogative of a writer (as Mrs Roper says “The story of my life”). This dream was surely partly inspired by watching half of “Finding Neverland” before going to sleep, bringing out the artist/writer temperament in me. And I feel like it was also inspired by great sex early in the day (“...called 'Bedroom playground' – and a centerfold ” the photographer for “Living Love” magazine says. “Did you come here to debate or make ten bucks an hour?” “Jack: “Where do I get undressed?”) It was a wonderful dream that certainly made it worth the uncomfortable bed if that had anything to do with it. When I think about how it compared to a lucid dream I don't feel like I had any “control” over the dream more than control over myself within it, and that due to feeling like it was really real, like it was really happening. I probably would NOT have that much control and would stutter if I met her in real life, so maybe I was the most fantastic, unbelievable part of it. People do meet each other and hit it off, even randomly, and that is possible that I could meet her. It seems unlikely that she would be getting off a bus - maybe a tour bus? - and walk down the street with me, but possible. I think that could have been it, that she got off a bus, we started talking and got along. Maybe it was inspired some by the Bachelor TV show, just “perfect” dates lined up for us, but it seems like there were some scenes like that – randomly on the streetcorner and maybe a diner we found? Then some other places, maybe a garden, maybe a hot air balloon? I read a quote recently an author said that if a scene can take place in a hot air balloon then it should. I just can't remember, I can see her face smiling at me, her hair tossing, but can't place the background, though it does all seem so close to recall, now, like just on the other side of a wall or aisle or hedemaze row. But I almost want the excuse of not remembering to not jinx it happening in real life, though I do want to recall it, she was so beautiful. But maybe I will dream some more of her when I take a nap and be able to record that, here.
Altogether it makes me think of Sexxx Dreams, the Gaga song I've been waiting months to write about. I keep expecting that my beliefs would come together serendipidously as I wrote this edition. It was ….
and that is as far as I got. Proofreading it just now I was struck by how “babygirl” is something Beiber says. Have fun, everyone, and sweet, sexy dreams! You never know what kind of “other” might become your next lover!
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