On the 'Edge of Glory', The Fruits of the Gagablog since 2010, out on a limb for Gaga (gagablog 55, originally was going to be #27)

I was a little sad the other day – just about feeling like an outcast, nothing new – and it triggered this idea to talk about the “success” of the gagablog so far in three and a half years. No, it has not been “successful” by commercial or standard measures – the same 8 people are subscribed to it and it gets an average of 30 views per edition. But magically it has had some fantastic success. Depending on how you view magic, the gagablog has predicted or magically manifested a number of really good, really major events in recent history. These include Gaga making direct connection with Oz art/magic, the selection of a liberal Pope who actually emulates Jesus for once and all the wonderful effect that can have to transform the world, the re-election of Obama and the wonderful good and potential that entails, the strange and peaceful resolution in Syria that is developing that will become the beginning of a format to avoid all war in the future, and the Supreme Court decision not to oppose gay marriage, among many other things. You can verify that I foresaw or manifested these events by the date on the blogs, and though I could have gone back and edited them, I'm sure there are electronic imprints that can prove I did not, but more accessible to your own brain is the rambling nature of them that makes it obvious how they were composed in that moment. I'm actually going to break that habit for the book I've been working on for two years, “Oz Magic: From Radio to Gaga” and say things more clearly, without all the tangents. Lately I felt such earnest to really get this book out there since Gaga was “revealing it all” with her “GAGA of OZ” performance, but then I realized that even if other people get this same idea, I still will be the best one to express the most of it, once I'm relaxed and writing it well, so there is no need to hurry too much, no need to rush it. There's time to make this edition of the gagablog, for instance, and write and record/perform some more songs, and make more art – there is time for all of it, especially if I keep doing something and just change to suit whatever I'm most in the mood for. So after getting sad I recalled to myself, “you know, to sum up the gagablog at this point, before making the transition to writing “Oz Magic”, it's time to remember the awesome things the gagablog is magically linked with.” Some people are afraid of magic, I have no problem with it, but for people who feel like magic is a little weird or scary, another way of describing “Oz Magic” is “grace” - the idea of being in tune with something, the divine, the world, the dance or performance you are in or even well-flowing traffic. For me, Oz magic is just grace with the world/divine/others/art, all of which are magic, if you believe in it, but even if I leave out calling them magic you can see what I mean. I believe I predict wonderful new developments in world events because I see them as necessary steps to reaching a paradise future that I fully believe in – I call it Oz and will go into all the reasons in my book, but basically it has always been the fairy country 'over the rainbow', just separate from us by an illusion, that we ultimately realize has been our home all along. So I feel like I can easily predict things because I know where this is going – especially the really good major developments that make such a difference getting there. Basically this good stuff is bound to come true and anyone could sense it, except that we are mostly convinced of lesser ideas, so that the real key is to be able to imagine it in the first place, to suggest it to others, to reality, to become the ideal. The original idea of the”Edge of Glory” edition of the gagablog was to say that living on, or “over” the edge of belief is what can bring about the most glorious transformations. At the time, and for two years while it has just been a title on an empty draft, I had the idea of what the “edge of glory” meant: we are mostly in the “normal” world but will all pass on to “glory” at death, but even while alive we can experience “glory” through art and inspriation, living fully, smoking weed and having fun, sex and other forms of really connecting with people. The “edge of glory”, from this perspective, is like being “below the rainbow” from Oz, but rising above into glimpses and moments of “glory” - by living on the edge in ways, really living, really going for it. Gaga herself described it this way when she performed the song on the Howard Stern show, and he responded to the song by saying he wanted to marry her – and anyone would feel that way who hears it, even if you aren't even actually sitting there, “just” watching it on youtube as I did- it is that powerful a song and performance. I had a slight variation on this idea in my insight today – that from the Oz side, from the perspective of Glory, the edge is what keeps “mundane” reality out and we are mostly just over the edge of it, close but separated. From the first perspective, it is the artists and adventurous ones who go “over the edge”, and who live close to the edge. But from the Oz perspective we are all “over the edge”, just over there barely kept out of grace, out of our awareness of our true, glorious natures. Oz magic, Gaga magic, is truly believing in the best possible outcome and expressing that with the magical expectation of helping it come true. I've become an uncompromising idealist, but it makes me frustrated with and extra sensative to other, lesser, ideas. These are ideas that some or even most people succumb to, the idea that war and money and greed and supemacy of certain groups over others are somehow necessary. I just can't accept those but I try to get better, or more clever, about expressing my outrage at these views. I'm especially concerned about it, but also it is tough for me, because I feel that the common thread to the belief in any of these ideas is “judgement”- war and greed and bigotry can only be perpetuated on the idea of being able to “judge” someone else as less deserving. And yet, my whole objection to these ideas is the judgement within them and I find myself struggling with judging the people who hold them. This is part of the price I pay by “believing the best” and being the ultimate liberal idealist – I have always been in an outcast role and have few friends. But it is worth it because I fully believe I help manifest this better reality, I am helping and learning to help even better in this progress to realizing paradise for our world. And this is why feeling excluded from socializing triggered me reminding myself of the success of the gagablog, and you can check that for yourself. This is kind of the end of the official edition. I'll sum it up by saying the whole idea of the “edge of glory” edition, all along, was to say you can have fantastic insights by believing and going for the best ideals of what you personally, society, and humanity can be, but it might make you seem a little weird to many people, it might make it hard to relate to people who are more comfortable accepting a less-than-ideal reality. But this is where stuff really happens, in glory and at the edge, and this is the truth of the moment you are holding onto. Its the connection to magic, love, art, the spirit world but also the spirit of experiencing moments of the fullness of life – realizing that it is kind of two sides of the same thing but ultimately the mundane, difficult world is but a speck, a tiny glitch, in the world of glory, of Oz, and we are all mostly stuck in it but can break out, individually and then as a whole. This is the whole idea of going for grace, for the Oz magic that is within everything. Its not trying to control the world with material power, or even trying to control the world with magical power, but trying to reach an accord and best way to manifest the greatest world to come that we all dream of. Even if we have different ideas of what it is, they will reconcile as it occurs, and this is why Oz magic, Gaga magic, has everything to do with following where things are going and transforming with the times, not trying to enforce control as much as give into the best goodness you can believe in and really go for it, expecting chaos along the way instead of giving you control, but accepting that chaos is the method of change that brings the ideal goodness to become reality, and accepting that in a state of grace. So, that's the end of the epilogue of the Gagablog and I really hope to focus on the book “entirely” now, at least for where I put my magical writing mood. The following are a few more examples of the “grace” I've been talking about, and how even when I always expect it and believe in it, I struggle with the twists and turns of life too, and fall out to some degree, a shade, at times but through belief in it I fall right back into this wonderful feeling of grace and unity with the world and the divine. And I guess, saying that, I realize I will always come back with updates to the gagablog because this kind of everyday stuff won't all make it into the book, and will continue after I finish the book – so, see you soon! When I thought to write this edition, and that I could relax and do some other things while writing the book, I decided I would finish the song I wrote a year ago about Gaga as Dorothy and myself in the role of Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion as a way to thank her for all she does for me but also to establish my belief in and show my love for the Oz theme. Basically I was only ten or so, growing up the son of a preacher and in moderate to liberal churches (my dad's message was thankfully one of the most liberal I experienced), when I felt that the truths Jesus taught were not in accord with repression of women, or repression of sexuality, or disregard for other cultures or the environment. Again, the churches I was in might have been better but most of the churches around, and the ones that got the most national attention, were far worse in this regard, and to me none were good enough. My personal understanding of the truth of love that Jesus represents forced me to leave the church and look for other spirituality. I felt like I had some insight into great spiritual truth and would have a role reveling it, but at the time I also thought the person who would reveal most of it, this time, would be a girl. I just felt sure of this, it would be fitting. Soon I discovered the Oz books and did not realize it immediately but within a few years had developed much of my spirituality around them. 15 or so years later Gaga emerged and I immediately thought, and quickly confirmed, that she was the girl I was expecting all those years, that it was happening. Now that it is, I feel like I am in a unique position to explain some things about it, but for this edition, talking about grace and the edge of glory I just want to mention some recent events and the example they show of “falling back into grace”. I've been complaining about the radio here in Denver not playing “Applause”, then about them finally playing it but only on one station. It has been significant to me every time I hear it, it always comes at a magical moment, and here are the most recent ones, and some other examples of grace. I was also frustrated that I heard about Best Buy having a 2-song single of Applause available, but when I went to get one it was in there system but not to be available at any stores. The same happened when a remix EP of it came out. I was going online to see where I could get it and about to play other Gaga music and smoke a bowl for magical luck, then thought “no, I will give it a chance”, turned on the radio and there was “Applause” playing, it had just started the first verse. My lover said something like “woah, I respect your magic” which in itself was a special moment. I was going to tweet about it before looking for the album. I have only used twitter a handful of times, I usually go on once I have finished a gagablog or something and want to share it. And “coincidentally”, magically, every time I go on it seems it is within an hour of Gaga tweeting something. I feel encouraged that this happy coincidence might mean I am close to contacting her, talking with her. But the other day when I signed in to post how magical that was to hear “Applause” when I was doing magicl to help me find the CD single, and I looked at her profile, it said “now” beside her tweet. I tried to think of what to say, kind of overwhelemed by this idea that I was close to her in some mystical way by going on twitter right after her, but that at this point, this might really be my chance, I might be more in tune with her, in that state of grace, than ever before. And I hoped that being so close in timie, knowing she had juist sent the tweet, would give me a chance to get her attention and talk with her. I guess I could feel bad that I sent maybe a dozen replies and did not get a response, even though I almost got a response in within a minute of her sending hers, making it the best chance so far of getting her attention, since the thousands of tweets a second had not quite started rolling in. But instead I choose to focus on how awesome that was that, going on twitter to share a classic, perfect example of what I call Oz/Gaga magic – having the song come on at the exact time of doing a ritual to look for a copy of the CD single – and this led to an even greater example occurring, going on twitter at the exact moment Gaga sent a tweet. It just felt graceful and blissful even if we didn't talk – but I felt back in connection, in communication, in communion, with the world, nature, the divine. - And maybe not completely, but it was a good sign of going that direction. I had decided to write this that morning, the very simple little example of going for it, of turning on the radio expecting to hear “Applause”, even though there are plenty of songs here, now, that you could expect that with because they play them every hour and with Applause only one station seems to play it once or twice a day, currently. It was good luck, good magic, and I wanted to report it, then it got better by being “close to Gaga” in that funny way, twitter. But I didn't write it that day, a few days ago, then I got sad for a couple of days. At the same time I wanted to finish my Gaga/Oz song and the wholetime was looking through notebooks but I couldn't find it or remember which one it was in for days and was starting to fear I had lost it, which really irks me. Yesterday I started to get over my blues, and this morning I was really over them when I found the book the song was in. I found the song, then another random story I wrote from a year ago that I had the sudden insight would fit with a random story I wrote a few months ago, kind of like how a song I write at one time will combine with one I write later, or earlier, into the whole song - “Made Me a Monster” has a verse that was basically years old, as does “Savior Mom (Lady Gaga)”, among others. This was another great discovery and good feeling for me, but the best was finding the song I was looking for, and a number of others I was working on around the same time. I decided I would reprint it here, in it's original unfinished version, because I plan to finish it soon and because the reason it was just hidden in a notebook is I knew it was not finished, it needed work, but I thought about it many times but never felt the time was right to work on it, to finish it. That is, until “GAGA of OZ” which made me feel compelled to finish it, and my book. But I thought I wpuld publish the first draft lyrics here to commemorate the original idea, and how long it preceeded “GAGA of OZ”, even though it was, I think, partly inspired by her speech upon recieiving the Ruby Slippers – though I always had the Oz connection with Gaga. This is an important magical principle that applies to both my Oz/Gaga song and this “Edge of Glory” edition of the gagablog: they both were started and just sat there, hidden. Magic is “what is hidden”, in a way, but the hidden truth that is emerging. The very idea of the “edge of glory” is knowing that hidden truth is there and going for it, going for everything knowing there is a great goodness behind your efforts and awaiting to reward us all. These are just little examples, this song and this blog, but they always had magical intention and they had to come out sometime. Though they have been hidden for some time, the “edge of glory” a title on a draft and idea in my head for two years, and my Oz/Gaga song a very rough draft that spent a year in a forotten notebook, in a way that has built their power. And like the story I wrote a few months ago in glee and celebration that I finally had my own computer dovetailing into a story I wrote in the glee of having a little notebook and finally writing some songs, with plenty of extra pages, about a year ago, it made it more powerful that I had forgotten about that story until I found it today, and that I was going to write this a few days ago but this is what happened in the meantime. So this morning I was about to write this and I decided to first take care of my only pressing errand to get it off my mind and write better. When I wrote this up to this point it was 4 pm and I was just about to describe my “only errand” and had another one to go on and something similar happened again. It's now midnight of the same day and I am finally getting around to finishing it, but I'm glad it took longer to add this other story. The first one was that right as I turned on my computer to write this I remembered to do my errand, and decided to get it out of the way in order ro write better. I got in the car and started driving and “Applause” came on the radio just as I was backing out of th driveway, I got to hear the whole thing. And I cranked it up, so happy to hear it again and wanting to dance, and I kept putting my paw up every time she said “put your hands up”, it was such a beautiful October day here in colorado, driving around with the windows down. The song played most of the way to my destination, then on the way back my luck with the radio was not so good but still turned out cool. I think this was to show “appreciation” for me getting back into grace to a degree when I had this experience of feeling rewarded for being responsible by hearing “Applause” in the car and my rewarding the radio by putting my paw up. The only thing I could find on was that graduation song by Green Day, heard it millions of times and usually don't much enjoy it but decided to just go with it and enjoy it this time, it was such a nice day. And as I came down the hill I guess it was one of the few times I had made that trip and gone in that direction since an old building was knocked down and replaced, changing the look and feel of the intersection, and it just felt kind of new, unfamiliar, and cool for a moment. Everything felt good and like it was coming together as I stopped at the stoplight and searched around for another song. The main contender was Led Zepplin with “The Ocean”, currently in the middle of the bridge, I guess, the “la la la la la la la la” part with just voice in the middle, as I was stopped at the stoplight. I looked around some more but settled on this before the la la's were over. Then right as the beat kicked back in, a pretty powerful moment, the light turned green, just like it was timed with the drum. This is just a little example of feeling like I'm more in tune with the world, more in grace and becoming magically aware, but it was noticeable enough to me this morning that I wanted to write about it. But right before I got to that point in writing I had to go somewhere else and this happened. I got in my car, went by the ATM, and started driving again and “Applause” came on again just as I was leaving the bank parking lot. I got really excited, to hear it again and to hear it “so soon”, just a few hours after I heard it before on my first errand. It made me really excited to think that, even in Denver and even before the other stations played it at all, at least one station was cool enough to put it into heavier and heavier rotation, until hopefully soon I can hear it on the radio as often as “Get lucky”, “Blurred Lines”, or anything by Bruno Mars or Mackelmore - which are literally constantly on between the two pop stations here. So I got excited and started singing along again, of course, cranking it up and putting my paw up every time she said “put your hands up” again. Then I stopped at a red light and this time the light turned green at the instant she said “turn the lights on”, the exact moment she said “lights” is when it the green light came on. After that I heard “Jump” by Van Halen and listened to it, such a pretty day for driving, but I also had the insight that while this was not a favorite song of mine, the reason I was listening to it after “Applause” was to make that mystical connection, that “Applause” would be as big a hit as “Jump” was in its day and since, or bigger, and I'm sure it will be. But I also made the connection that hearing “Jump” was a magical signal that “Applause” was about to “jump” in the charts, just as it is starting to jump into more rotation on radio, even in Denver where I can't find the CD single to buy and will probably go to a real music store downtown very soon. I said a little spell/wish for this as the song played, that it would signify “Applause” jumping in the charts and being an even bigger hit. Then “Black hole sun” came on and I said something similar, because that song was pretty big in the next decade. And the trivia the DJ mentioned with it was that the guy wrote it in fifteen minutes on his Gretch guitar, and it made me think I should write more music, maybe have a hit myself sooner than later. On the way back from my errand I heard an actual “get the led out” radio show for your drive home at 6 PM, and they were playing “misty mountain hop”as I drove due west, facing the Rocky Mountains. They weren't misty,exactly, but were covered in more low clouds than usual and the light was a deep red in the midst of dark purple clouds and mountains. It looked pretty cool. I can't remember now if there was another song that continued this theme of feeling in tune, in harmony, with the world, but that's what I have been enjoying, again, more of, lately. And now I guess to celebrate having good timing I should take this as time to go to bed before it gets too late so I can do my best work tomorrow, another day off work. I do kind of imagine that since it took me so long to get back to this and finish it, if I post it on twitter now and happen to meet Lady Gaga in that electric chapel, well of course I will stay up if I can talk with her – I will stay so up I will be higher than ever. I guess I could live my life preparing for that moment, knowing it would likely overwhelm me if I don't feel like I have some better songs and art of my own – not that I would try to share them with her in person, I would try to share a kiss or more, but I'm hoping that is how she would find out about me, my art or songs or writing. So I just really want to do more and more to “catch up” with her, I want to truly become the best artist and witch and lover I can be in order to be worthy of the moment of meeting her so I feel like I can somehow actually show her how much she means to us and does for me by reflecting something as meaningful and magical to her, of my own. But it gets less likely she would be tweeting something in the latenight, if she is in America, as the hour gets later so I will go ahead and close this and go for my luck, my magic, and hope to meet her, or connect with more monsters through my attempt to describe this all-powerful and world-changing magic I call Gaga magic and Oz magic. I guess I will go with this as is instead of editing it right now so, uh, sorry. Here is the song, also unedited, but the roughness and fact that I have two versions of the second verse, and many more versions of possible changes I can't really show here, as they go off to the side in my notebook. But I just wanted to be able to brag, or focus on with appreciation, these events that have been magically predicted by this gagablog, and the most important one to me is Gaga really manifesting Oz – because I think ending war and getting more liberal religiously and politically, the other major predictions, are part of that. And here is one way I predicted it, a year ago, with this song – work in progress. But the theory of living on the edge of glory is not waiting to have time or when I get around to it, but realizing we only have so much time, never enough to realize or create all our dreams, so go for as many as you can. So I'm getting this out of the notebook, even in this formative state, and will be finishing it and singing it, or whatever it becomes, very soon. Thanks, Gaga, for taking us on this journey to Oz, showing us the Glitter Way! I'm so glad I started writing dates besides the things I write. The date of this song, this first version, is August 3rd, 2012. So it was a little over a year before Gaga did “GAGA of OZ” My love was so high she was against the law I'd die to be with her I'd risk any fall She came over the rainbow to help us all The bravery she gave me made a man out of straw And with love she got me off and turned my empty hand to a paw (“we found wisdom in all that we saw” – an addition from 1-23-13) A lonely statue she found me in the trees She banged me cherry boom boom knew what I needed / when I said please She covered me in all her glitter and grease Love fills us all so together there is no missing piece She found me in the woods a stature made out of tin Frozen from a love I lost but never gave in She banged me hard and put glitter and grease on my skin She revived me when she said “a different loves not a sin” She cries diamonds for the times we think that we're not okay Sprinkled on the yellow brick road they make the glitter way Note – I don't know if there is already a Lion verse in another version, but of course I intended one. I wrote this a year ago, around the time I was finally finishing “Made Me a Monster” - there are versions of that next to this in the notebook, though that song was begun at least a year earlier, I think. This was influenced byu finally seeing the DVD of the Monster Ball at MSG and finally hearing Glitter and Grease for the first time. It was also obviously inspired by Gaga's appearance on the Simpsons, which I also think was a majot confrimation for me of how all the things that I loved were coming together and coming true – but the refrence is to the part where she cries tiny diamonds when she is upset she can't help Lisa feel better. Gaga, thanks for the art, magic, inspiration and complete hotness – I love you so much and can't wait to meet you someday! I'll work on my writing, art, and songs with passion until then, and hopefully have something to delight you by then.